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by FABIO 03/21/2006, 5:59pm PST |
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Can't find Curst's review of this game, so I'll just second his diagnosis here.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS GAME SUCKS!!!
Voice Acting- Fucking unacceptable for anything made after the "interactive movie" era of video games. Think worse than Resident Evil only without the funny bad "master of unlocking" dialogue. It's like one of those old Asian movies where they redub the lines to make it funny (one character in the beginning runs around in circles like a fool saying "ohmygosh oh wha? oh oh.....oh!" Going for that Prince of Space feel doesn't work when you're trying to scare someone.
Sight Jacking- Curst was wrong about this one; IT'S EVEN WORSE. I got the impression that you could "scroll" through the sight of every monster in a level to scout the place out. But no, you hold down the L2 button and wiggle the stick around to sightjack only the closest monster in that direction. So you can't just sightjack for 20 minutes at the beginning of a level (well you'll still have to do that too), you have to stop and do it every fifty feet to make sure you aren't walking right into another monster you couldn't sense before (and leave yourself totally open to attack while you do so).
But yeah he was right about how if you don't sit at the start of every level and sightjack for many many minutes, you WILL die. The very start of the level right after the tutorial, taking five steps foward means getting shot by a zombie sniper(?) and dying.
Enemies- The zombies are part scary part stupid. They're creepy when they're grunting and snarling, but sometimes they just look like a whimpering retard with spasming lips (the cop you run into at the beginning). They're slow, but so is your character. This was the case for Fatal Frame but in Siren running away from zombies is not frantic. It looks like a chase scene between two gimps.
Characters suck- The protagonist could be straight out of any "total clutz/ wuss teenage male thrust into role of hero not because he has any positive attributes but because he has an innate power that he didn't have to work for or put any effort towards so that makes him special and he inexplicably gets surrounded by adoring females" story the Japs have to offer. He spends most of his time whimpering. The entire second level you play him in you have to listen to him gasp for breath in between whimpers. He's also butt ugly and looks like a pig. Looking at your own character while they're sightjacking is painful because you look like a total seizuring spaz. For some reason all the obviously Japanese character have HEAVY English accents.
Annoying Women- Almost every single woman character in the game is an inept, whining liability whose ass you have to drag and protect across enemy infested levels. One of them is BLIND. The only one that isn't inept is the "Yuna" character that holds the hand of our inept anime "hero" and guides you through the ordeal because anime fans in real life are just as much whimpering dolts as the heroes they worship.
Fun fact: The annoying women are useless and annoying, but they also provided for a huge laugh. One level you start off with one following you. You character (a big strong man) tells her to wait there and hide. I survery the scene ahead of me, then sightjack her (to "store" her vision to a hotkey). The first thing I see from her point of view is a giant closeup of my crotch. I unjack and see that she took to kneeling (crouching makes you harder to spot) down in front of me. I sightjack back and now she's looking up from waist level and I see my character doing the typical sightjack pose (bobbing back and forth, eyes shut, breathing heavily). That's right, girl.
Holy shit the fucking menus. Curst already went over this, but I think the stupidity has to be outlined again.
How to pick up a key and start a truck with it.
-Go to menu. Select "pick up key"
-Go to menu. Select "unlock door"
-Go to menu. Select "open door"
-Go to menu. Select "insert key in ignition"
-Go to menu. Select "start engine"
What, no "depress clutch" or "shift into first" menu commands?
Even shit like pulling someone up to a ledge you're on requires a menu command. HELLO? ICO DID THIS SHIT WITH ONE BUTTON FOUR YEARS AGO, FUCKERS.
Seriously, what the fuck? Shit like this is straight out of the first Dragon Warrior game where you had to select "talk" from a menu to talk to a townsperson, or "stairs" to climb some stairs you were STANDING ON, or "open" to open a treasure chest you were STANDING ON, back when designers weren't smart enough to consider that you'd want to do the obvious action in whatver circumstance you were in. Since where has there ever been more than one thing to do with an object in a survival horror game?
There's absolutely no reason to play this game (other than to have the promising concept dashed as you experience the suck for yourself). The gameplay is extremely tedious and the voice acting is so bad that you don't look foward to the cutscenes.
FABIO's Obligatory "imagine if" Summary:
Imagine if you were playing Manhunt with no radar and a flashlight with a 15 foot visibility (like Silent Hill). The only way to spot enemies before they spot you is to stop, leave yourself vulnerable, and spend several minutes guestimating where they are based on their point of views. You must do this at every corner. Half the enemies have guns that kill you in two hits.
Then take away Brian Cox and replace him with the English voice actors from Dynasty Warriors. |
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The closest you'll get to an easy way to browse the deleted posts. by Creexul :( 03/13/2006, 6:02am PST 
So Jsoh and I both finished Sacrifice finally. by Creexul :( 03/13/2006, 6:51am PST
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Castlevania: Lament of Innocence == Rygar with vampires, except better by godamit 03/19/2006, 1:03pm PST
SSX3 (PS2) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:04pm PST
Re: SSX3 (PS2) by Ivan Dork It 03/20/2006, 3:23am PST
It's an in-joke for that time period. by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 8:57am PST
no no no by Ivan Dork It 03/20/2006, 10:57pm PST
Re: no no no by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 11:14pm PST
Re: no no no by Ivan Dork It 03/21/2006, 3:40am PST
Solved by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 9:50am PST
Crimson Skies (XBOX) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:05pm PST
Kirby Air Ride by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:06pm PST
INC Reel Roundup and/or Cinema Showdown, pardner (plenty spoilers) by I need clarification 03/19/2006, 1:09pm PST
OH GOD THE SUCK! (Matrix 3) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:10pm PST
Fire Emblem (GBA) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:11pm PST
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Atari 10-in-1 by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:15pm PST
Gravitar by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/20/2006, 2:35am PST
Where did you get your Vectrex flashcart? Review plz. NT by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 9:00am PST
First impression: Godzilla Destroy all monsters (XBox) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:16pm PST
Mech Assault (X-Box) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:17pm PST
this really isn't a good review of this game :( by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 4:44pm PDT
ok I should do a real and honest review so the correct opinion is here by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 5:46pm PDT
Battlestar Galactica (X-Box) by Mischief Shai-hulud 03/19/2006, 1:18pm PST
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:19pm PST
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PS2) by FABIO 01/24/2007, 6:41am PST
Phantom Crash (XBOX) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:20pm PST
Age of Mythology: The Titans, worst demo ever by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:21pm PST
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I enjoyed this clip too much to say anything funny about it. by Zsenitanuki 06/30/2009, 2:28pm PDT
Ratchet And Clank -- Going Commando by Rigthbug 03/19/2006, 1:26pm PST
Re: Ratchet And Clank -- Going Commando NT by Quentin Beck 12/13/2007, 5:01am PST
Pithy review of Dynasty Tactics 2 by curst 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST
Panzer Dragoon Orta (XBox) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST
I am TOTALLY freaked the fuck out right now (Beyond good & Evil) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:31pm PST
NFL Street by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:32pm PST
Baldur's Gate 2 Dark Alliance 2 (Playstation 2) by Creexul ^_^ 03/19/2006, 1:33pm PST
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Kohan: Immortal Sovereigns by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:36pm PST
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic by elwonko 03/20/2006, 1:24pm PST
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles- first two hours impressions by FABIO 03/20/2006, 1:26pm PST
Mac fans: still flaming homos. by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:28pm PST
It kicks ass. by Frank McGillicutty 03/20/2006, 1:31pm PST
Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA) by Voyons Donc 03/20/2006, 1:32pm PST
Zone of the Enders 2 full review by Mischief Zero-Shift 03/20/2006, 1:33pm PST
Zwwwweeee fighting? by Souffle of Pain 02/07/2007, 11:54am PST
There was a link that was lost in the transfer by MMore Woman than you'll ever have 02/07/2007, 1:15pm PST
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Along those lines by Mischief Maker 03/20/2006, 1:53pm PST
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Reactions by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 3:45pm PST
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 4:41pm PST
That one didn't get deleted. But I approve of the effort. NT by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 10:09pm PST
Silent Hill 3 (PS2) (PAL version) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 4:43pm PST
AIM log review of Everything or Nothing. by Creexul ^_^ 03/21/2006, 5:50pm PST
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The Suffering by curst 03/21/2006, 5:52pm PST
Review: Samurai Warriors by False 03/21/2006, 5:53pm PST
Red Dead Revolver (PS2) by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 5:58pm PST
Siren: Curst was right by FABIO 03/21/2006, 5:59pm PST
More Broussard forum posts by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 6:02pm PST
Front page this, please NT by Souffle of Pain 03/21/2006, 8:34pm PST
It's old though. NT by Fussbett 03/22/2006, 11:24am PST
I know it goes without saying, but Fussbett and INC make the best logs. by Jerry Whorebach 05/24/2009, 5:12pm PDT
jhoh NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 5:48pm PDT
I'm relieved Jhoh is publishing the book, because it sounds like a lot of work. NT by Fussbett 05/24/2009, 8:26pm PDT
Then when it comes out it's all switched with Mranduh logs. 8( NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/25/2009, 1:41am PDT
JUNK II by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 6:10pm PST
Dvorak saying there were great 3D0 games is still as good now as it was then NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/24/2009, 5:18pm PDT
Junk by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 11:00pm PST
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