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by elwonko 03/20/2006, 1:24pm PST |
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On my desktop, the icon for KotOR was sandwiched between No One Lives Forever 2 and Temple of Elemental Evil. Now that I think about it, that's a pretty good description of the game - one half of the game is all beautiful 3d graphics, interesting characters (at least, the ones I ACTUALLY GOT TO MEET - but more on that later), and generally well-written dialogue, while the other, bigger half is a fucking dismal bug-ridden mess of inexplicable crashes to the exciting land of my goddamn desktop, constant banal morality choices that are apparently irrelevant to the final plot, and an inexcusably miserable mini-game where you have to argue with snide forum-goers and the support team for two days before you uninstall the game in disgust.
The game begins in space, I guess. The bad guys are shooting up your shit, which is pretty typical of them. You quickly find yourself wondering how they managed to conquer the galaxy by shooting, as melee weapons are much, much, much better. You'll eventually find yourself on the planet Tarsis, running a series of FedEx quests in order to save a Jedi lady/future party member. The quests and general plotline on Tarsis are standard early-game Bioware fare - talk to the green guy, find his missing Holo-Bong, get rewards, repeat until you find the Jedi lady. Some solid dialogue and cut-scenes (I liked the the short but deadly bounty hunter guy!) makes the whole thing a lot more enjoyable. Mind, the dialogue does take the occasional turn for the gay. Does Carth have a painful past that only your love and/or understanding can help him overcome? Can you avoid the incredibly subtle nature of the dark side - namely, helping the NPC's rather than blatantly murdering them for sport? NO ONE CARES, Bioware. Anyway, after a shitty mini game of racing majestic space scooters, you steal a spaceship and escape to talk to the mysterious Jedi Council.
The Jedi Council is mysterious because you never actually meet them. The evil Dark Jedi blow up Tarsis to stop you, and, even as you escape at the last second, you cannot avoid battling their fighter ships in another mini-game. In an unusual and unexpected plot twist, the Sith fighters win by crashing your game EVERY SINGLE TIME. I guess this means you don't save the galaxy and, instead, die a horrible death in the vaccum of space.
This ending, while frustrating, does unlock yet another mini-game. This game involves battling accusations of pirating the game and having unacceptable system requirements until you get another FedEx quest to update and install drivers for EVERYTHING, EVER. I did manage to get an extended version of the original ending, though. However, I found the five-minute slideshow of scrambled Sith fighters and the new BEEEEEEPBEEEEEEEEEEPHONK* soundtack remix pretty unsatisfying. Oh, and you still crash to desktop at the end.
Overall, it's a mixed bag.
Of cement.
That you should drop the fucking game CDs into and throw into the nearest body of water.
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The closest you'll get to an easy way to browse the deleted posts. by Creexul :( 03/13/2006, 6:02am PST 
So Jsoh and I both finished Sacrifice finally. by Creexul :( 03/13/2006, 6:51am PST
Metroid Prime 2 by Rafiki 03/19/2006, 12:52pm PST
Viewtiful Joe by Forensic 03/19/2006, 12:58pm PST
Mega Man: battle network: Blue version by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 12:59pm PST
Morrowing vs Daggerfall... FIGHT! by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:02pm PST
Castlevania: Lament of Innocence == Rygar with vampires, except better by godamit 03/19/2006, 1:03pm PST
SSX3 (PS2) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:04pm PST
Re: SSX3 (PS2) by Ivan Dork It 03/20/2006, 3:23am PST
It's an in-joke for that time period. by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 8:57am PST
no no no by Ivan Dork It 03/20/2006, 10:57pm PST
Re: no no no by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 11:14pm PST
Re: no no no by Ivan Dork It 03/21/2006, 3:40am PST
Solved by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 9:50am PST
Crimson Skies (XBOX) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:05pm PST
Kirby Air Ride by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:06pm PST
INC Reel Roundup and/or Cinema Showdown, pardner (plenty spoilers) by I need clarification 03/19/2006, 1:09pm PST
OH GOD THE SUCK! (Matrix 3) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:10pm PST
Fire Emblem (GBA) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:11pm PST
So this Deus Ex 2 demo sure is short and small by Roop Dirump 03/19/2006, 1:13pm PST
MANHUNT (PS2) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:14pm PST
KOTOR, PC by mrs. johnson 03/19/2006, 1:14pm PST
Medal of Honor: Rising Sun by Creexul ^_^ 03/19/2006, 1:15pm PST
Atari 10-in-1 by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:15pm PST
Gravitar by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/20/2006, 2:35am PST
Where did you get your Vectrex flashcart? Review plz. NT by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 9:00am PST
First impression: Godzilla Destroy all monsters (XBox) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:16pm PST
Mech Assault (X-Box) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:17pm PST
this really isn't a good review of this game :( by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 4:44pm PDT
ok I should do a real and honest review so the correct opinion is here by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 5:46pm PDT
Battlestar Galactica (X-Box) by Mischief Shai-hulud 03/19/2006, 1:18pm PST
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:19pm PST
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PS2) by FABIO 01/24/2007, 6:41am PST
Phantom Crash (XBOX) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:20pm PST
Age of Mythology: The Titans, worst demo ever by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:21pm PST
Bujingai (PS2) (Jap) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:25pm PST
Gackt the Gamer by Fussbett 06/23/2009, 12:53am PDT
I enjoyed this clip too much to say anything funny about it. by Zsenitanuki 06/30/2009, 2:28pm PDT
Ratchet And Clank -- Going Commando by Rigthbug 03/19/2006, 1:26pm PST
Re: Ratchet And Clank -- Going Commando NT by Quentin Beck 12/13/2007, 5:01am PST
Pithy review of Dynasty Tactics 2 by curst 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST
Panzer Dragoon Orta (XBox) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST
I am TOTALLY freaked the fuck out right now (Beyond good & Evil) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:31pm PST
NFL Street by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:32pm PST
Baldur's Gate 2 Dark Alliance 2 (Playstation 2) by Creexul ^_^ 03/19/2006, 1:33pm PST
Re: A bitter appraisal by Kab(uke) Seme by Kab(uke) Seme 03/19/2006, 1:35pm PST
Kohan: Immortal Sovereigns by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:36pm PST
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic by elwonko 03/20/2006, 1:24pm PST
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles- first two hours impressions by FABIO 03/20/2006, 1:26pm PST
Mac fans: still flaming homos. by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:28pm PST
It kicks ass. by Frank McGillicutty 03/20/2006, 1:31pm PST
Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA) by Voyons Donc 03/20/2006, 1:32pm PST
Zone of the Enders 2 full review by Mischief Zero-Shift 03/20/2006, 1:33pm PST
Zwwwweeee fighting? by Souffle of Pain 02/07/2007, 11:54am PST
There was a link that was lost in the transfer by MMore Woman than you'll ever have 02/07/2007, 1:15pm PST
It was that pussy bitch who posts as me by Souffle of Pain 02/07/2007, 1:20pm PST
Colin McRae Rally 04 (PS2 EURO) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:48pm PST
Along those lines by Mischief Maker 03/20/2006, 1:53pm PST
Culdcept (PS2) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:54pm PST
Reactions by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 3:45pm PST
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 4:41pm PST
That one didn't get deleted. But I approve of the effort. NT by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 10:09pm PST
Silent Hill 3 (PS2) (PAL version) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 4:43pm PST
AIM log review of Everything or Nothing. by Creexul ^_^ 03/21/2006, 5:50pm PST
Ninja Gaiden: I love this game!/I HATE THIS MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING GAME! by Mischief Maker 03/21/2006, 5:51pm PST
The Suffering by curst 03/21/2006, 5:52pm PST
Review: Samurai Warriors by False 03/21/2006, 5:53pm PST
Red Dead Revolver (PS2) by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 5:58pm PST
Siren: Curst was right by FABIO 03/21/2006, 5:59pm PST
More Broussard forum posts by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 6:02pm PST
Front page this, please NT by Souffle of Pain 03/21/2006, 8:34pm PST
It's old though. NT by Fussbett 03/22/2006, 11:24am PST
I know it goes without saying, but Fussbett and INC make the best logs. by Jerry Whorebach 05/24/2009, 5:12pm PDT
jhoh NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 5:48pm PDT
I'm relieved Jhoh is publishing the book, because it sounds like a lot of work. NT by Fussbett 05/24/2009, 8:26pm PDT
Then when it comes out it's all switched with Mranduh logs. 8( NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/25/2009, 1:41am PDT
JUNK II by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 6:10pm PST
Dvorak saying there were great 3D0 games is still as good now as it was then NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/24/2009, 5:18pm PDT
Junk by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 11:00pm PST
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