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by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST |
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The game is about flying on the back of the ugliest goddamn dragon (in terms of design, not animation or modeling) ever imagined and blowing shit up.
This game is very pretty. The premise is that long ago there was a great civilization built off genetic engineering who were destroyed for some reason and the bioengineered weapons left behind ran rampant, evoloved to better suit the environment, and threaten the poorly equipped humans that remain today with extinction. In terms of game design it makes for really interesting enemies that range from wild beasts that don't quite look natural to preserved relics that nearly look robotic but have juuust enough of a biological look to them to seem alive. The effect is really well done and makes the game.
The most fun level is about halfway through when you take on the evil empire's flying fleet while whipping through the clouds and sky. The worst one comes near the end when the game suddenly decides you need to h4x0r teh GiB50N and sends you to virtual reality. Has anyone ever made a VR level in a video game that didn't suck? Am I the only one who thinks having virtual reality in a video game is unnecessarily redundant and stupid? Then there's a cool level where you fuck up the empire's seat of power, then the obligatory anime boss fight that seems to take place in some alternate reality of fire and sunsets as the boss ruminates on the meaning of life and death. Then there's the tragic ending where the dragon finally gives up the ghost (oops! Spoiler!) then there's the credits, then there's the epilouge which will totally disgust you and sour any good thoughts you might have had towards the anime perverts responsible for the game.
You see the bad guy in the game is this drone (basically a meat android) that needs you, orta the mysterious chick who knows nothing about ehr past, to help him avoid death by reasons that are not entirely clear. He leads you into an ancient laboratory that happens to be the second worst level in the game where it's revealed to you *SHOCKER* that you're half human! Your other half is drone which makes you the bastard child of a meat-sexbot. So what? Well that's when the lecherous badguy drone, who previously had said that drones are sterile and doomed to die without offsping, comes at you and says "With your body I can reproduce myself indefinitely." In other words, he's matt from Project Megan. You must then keep his creepy hands off you by shooting him in the crotch before he flies away and does some unclear shit to become the final boss. Then you kill him as alternates between whining about death and sweet talking you by saying, "Orta, I need you."
Now for the sick ending. If you read the silly bits of fanfiction and (my favorite) genetics lessons as seen through the eyes of anime perverts, that you unlock as the game progresses, you'll learn that dragons, besides being totally awesome, are sterile. During the game the dragon does everything in its power to protect you, even getting up with its wings all fucked up in an arctic level and running on foot. You assume that its total devotion to you is some kind of master/pet relationship. Then you learn in the epilouge that it left behind an heir. Huh? you ask, aren't they supposed to be sterile? Then you see the half drone main character walking alongside the little dragon with maternal love in her eyes and you say NO! FOR FUCK'S SAKE GET THAT PICTURE OUT OF MY EYES YOU SICK FUCKING ANIME FREAKS!
The game can be finished in maybe 6 hours time. There're unlockables, but they're pretty boring. One unlockable is the original panzer dragoon, the game that launched a thousand sega saturns, but being a graphics showboat for its time is practically unplayable after finishing Orta. One interesting thing about it, though, is that its music totally blows away Orta's generic video game score. The first level music will make you feel like Atreiu taking his first flight on Falcore.
But in the end this game has zero replayability when you realize that the controls (move an aiming reticule to highlight and shoot down fixed formations of incoming enemies, occasionally move the dragon to avoid an oncoming obstacle) make this a clone of another graphics showboat from way back when: Rebel Assault.
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The closest you'll get to an easy way to browse the deleted posts. by Creexul :( 03/13/2006, 6:02am PST 
So Jsoh and I both finished Sacrifice finally. by Creexul :( 03/13/2006, 6:51am PST
Metroid Prime 2 by Rafiki 03/19/2006, 12:52pm PST
Viewtiful Joe by Forensic 03/19/2006, 12:58pm PST
Mega Man: battle network: Blue version by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 12:59pm PST
Morrowing vs Daggerfall... FIGHT! by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:02pm PST
Castlevania: Lament of Innocence == Rygar with vampires, except better by godamit 03/19/2006, 1:03pm PST
SSX3 (PS2) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:04pm PST
Re: SSX3 (PS2) by Ivan Dork It 03/20/2006, 3:23am PST
It's an in-joke for that time period. by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 8:57am PST
no no no by Ivan Dork It 03/20/2006, 10:57pm PST
Re: no no no by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 11:14pm PST
Re: no no no by Ivan Dork It 03/21/2006, 3:40am PST
Solved by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 9:50am PST
Crimson Skies (XBOX) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:05pm PST
Kirby Air Ride by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:06pm PST
INC Reel Roundup and/or Cinema Showdown, pardner (plenty spoilers) by I need clarification 03/19/2006, 1:09pm PST
OH GOD THE SUCK! (Matrix 3) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:10pm PST
Fire Emblem (GBA) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:11pm PST
So this Deus Ex 2 demo sure is short and small by Roop Dirump 03/19/2006, 1:13pm PST
MANHUNT (PS2) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:14pm PST
KOTOR, PC by mrs. johnson 03/19/2006, 1:14pm PST
Medal of Honor: Rising Sun by Creexul ^_^ 03/19/2006, 1:15pm PST
Atari 10-in-1 by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:15pm PST
Gravitar by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/20/2006, 2:35am PST
Where did you get your Vectrex flashcart? Review plz. NT by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 9:00am PST
First impression: Godzilla Destroy all monsters (XBox) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:16pm PST
Mech Assault (X-Box) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:17pm PST
this really isn't a good review of this game :( by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 4:44pm PDT
ok I should do a real and honest review so the correct opinion is here by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 5:46pm PDT
Battlestar Galactica (X-Box) by Mischief Shai-hulud 03/19/2006, 1:18pm PST
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:19pm PST
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PS2) by FABIO 01/24/2007, 6:41am PST
Phantom Crash (XBOX) by Funkula 03/19/2006, 1:20pm PST
Age of Mythology: The Titans, worst demo ever by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:21pm PST
Bujingai (PS2) (Jap) by Fussbett 03/19/2006, 1:25pm PST
Gackt the Gamer by Fussbett 06/23/2009, 12:53am PDT
I enjoyed this clip too much to say anything funny about it. by Zsenitanuki 06/30/2009, 2:28pm PDT
Ratchet And Clank -- Going Commando by Rigthbug 03/19/2006, 1:26pm PST
Re: Ratchet And Clank -- Going Commando NT by Quentin Beck 12/13/2007, 5:01am PST
Pithy review of Dynasty Tactics 2 by curst 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST
Panzer Dragoon Orta (XBox) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:28pm PST
I am TOTALLY freaked the fuck out right now (Beyond good & Evil) by Mischief Maker 03/19/2006, 1:31pm PST
NFL Street by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/19/2006, 1:32pm PST
Baldur's Gate 2 Dark Alliance 2 (Playstation 2) by Creexul ^_^ 03/19/2006, 1:33pm PST
Re: A bitter appraisal by Kab(uke) Seme by Kab(uke) Seme 03/19/2006, 1:35pm PST
Kohan: Immortal Sovereigns by FABIO 03/19/2006, 1:36pm PST
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic by elwonko 03/20/2006, 1:24pm PST
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles- first two hours impressions by FABIO 03/20/2006, 1:26pm PST
Mac fans: still flaming homos. by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:28pm PST
It kicks ass. by Frank McGillicutty 03/20/2006, 1:31pm PST
Metroid: Zero Mission (GBA) by Voyons Donc 03/20/2006, 1:32pm PST
Zone of the Enders 2 full review by Mischief Zero-Shift 03/20/2006, 1:33pm PST
Zwwwweeee fighting? by Souffle of Pain 02/07/2007, 11:54am PST
There was a link that was lost in the transfer by MMore Woman than you'll ever have 02/07/2007, 1:15pm PST
It was that pussy bitch who posts as me by Souffle of Pain 02/07/2007, 1:20pm PST
Colin McRae Rally 04 (PS2 EURO) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:48pm PST
Along those lines by Mischief Maker 03/20/2006, 1:53pm PST
Culdcept (PS2) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 1:54pm PST
Reactions by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 3:45pm PST
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 4:41pm PST
That one didn't get deleted. But I approve of the effort. NT by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 10:09pm PST
Silent Hill 3 (PS2) (PAL version) by Fussbett 03/20/2006, 4:43pm PST
AIM log review of Everything or Nothing. by Creexul ^_^ 03/21/2006, 5:50pm PST
Ninja Gaiden: I love this game!/I HATE THIS MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING GAME! by Mischief Maker 03/21/2006, 5:51pm PST
The Suffering by curst 03/21/2006, 5:52pm PST
Review: Samurai Warriors by False 03/21/2006, 5:53pm PST
Red Dead Revolver (PS2) by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 5:58pm PST
Siren: Curst was right by FABIO 03/21/2006, 5:59pm PST
More Broussard forum posts by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 6:02pm PST
Front page this, please NT by Souffle of Pain 03/21/2006, 8:34pm PST
It's old though. NT by Fussbett 03/22/2006, 11:24am PST
I know it goes without saying, but Fussbett and INC make the best logs. by Jerry Whorebach 05/24/2009, 5:12pm PDT
jhoh NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/24/2009, 5:48pm PDT
I'm relieved Jhoh is publishing the book, because it sounds like a lot of work. NT by Fussbett 05/24/2009, 8:26pm PDT
Then when it comes out it's all switched with Mranduh logs. 8( NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/25/2009, 1:41am PDT
JUNK II by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 6:10pm PST
Dvorak saying there were great 3D0 games is still as good now as it was then NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/24/2009, 5:18pm PDT
Junk by Fussbett 03/21/2006, 11:00pm PST
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