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by Bill Dungsroman 07/11/2005, 12:18pm PDT |
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Fussbett wrote:
One of my SB-deleted posts was about how Pontiac employs today's worst car designers, example #23423 being the new Pontiac GTO, a 350-hp car that looks like a tamer Sunfire and from some angles an Oldsmobile Alero. Why I was bringing it up specifically and not, say, the Aztek, was because the GTO was originally a pretty wild looking machine, so goofy Pontiac actually played it too safe. Meanwhile Chrysler is making crazy stuff like the PT Cruisers, Prowlers, the Dodge Viper and Ford brings back the Mustang's original looks to huge applause and sales. Since then Dodge has also released the new Charger, and while it hasn't received the overall undying praise the new Mustang enjoyed (mostly people flipping out over the fact that the Charger is now a four-door, making it a sedan!!!) you cannot argue that the new Charger looks like it might eat the car in front of it.
...so with this muscle car rejuvination going on all around it (Dodge Charger R/T Meets Mustang GT: New-age musclecars take to the streets of San Francisco)) Pontiac says "OH NO, LETS REDESIGN OUR PIECE OF SHIT AND GET IN ON THIS", and with that, release this plan for the 2008 GTO:
(click for the full bigness)
Basically ripping off the new Mustang back end, but still managing to inject the Pontiac ugly into the front.
Wow. The trickle-down theory of car styling continues. Cadillac has had its usual way with cars (Chrysler 300, Mistubishi Gallant GTA), but now you've got VW imitating the Altima. And it's not just Pontiac on the Mustang tip, it's fucking HyunDIE and the Tiburon. Which makes sense, since the Tiburon is Hyundai's foray into making cars like Americans, reasonably-priced (by way of cheaply made) heavy gas guzzling hunks of shit.
I haven't been wearing my tinfoil hat lately, so I guess the Dodge folks were successful in reading my mind when I thought every time I looked at the Magnum Man, that car would be pretty fucking cool if it wasn't a stupid station wagon. And if Dodge wasn't the manufacturer. They come in well under 30K MSRP and since it's American, the odds are in your favor of getting the fucker at invoice or less. But I doubt I'll ever buy Amur'can, because they fucking suck and on the rare occasion they get a model right, it will turn back to junk in a few years after the crafty Japs benchmark it and then lap it in all conceivable categories while the American maker is too busy making the same car for less, yet charging the same or more (see: Dodge Durango, Chrysler 300). So, you have to be in position to get a new car in the right time window to get in a good American car, and then still be prepared to have your balls busted on re-sale.
This conglomerate of folks masquerading as one dude totally hate Pontiac. I do too! I did an old (but not old enough!) post about all the cars I've owned, the first (after the moped) was a Pontiac Firebird. Aptly named, seeing as how it tried to tear its own engine apart and explode after I had paid it off. Oh, and then there's this, Pontiac's Miata/Spyder knockoff. I thought Pontiac's motto used to be "We are driven." I always figured the slogan got truncated and was supposed to finish with..."for a few years, then we fall the fuck apart and are worth nothing on trade-in. Sucker." I'm not going near a Pontiac ever. It's not just "a" but "the" sucker bet in buying a new car. Pontiac excels at and revels in making cars that look disarmingly spiffy when shiny and new and exponentially deteriorate as time goes on, and not much time at that by comparison. The salesmen are the worstest, greasiest hucksters among all car dealerships. They're selling you crap and they know it and if you're their to buy it, you're by default a fucking idiot. Looooooook! A Porsche rip-off!
But some people sure like it! Edmunds has the following reviews, all from the worstest whoriest sources in media, new car buyers/car enthusiast print mags:
Oh God My Crotch Just Spontaneously Combusted wrote:
To view this beauty (from a distance) with its flowing lines and growling grill tells you (in your first glance) that this car is destined to be a classic. Enough cannot be said about this car as an embodiment of a "has it all" modern roadster. Its interior is a beautifuly trimed cockpit with high quality fit finish and materials. This is a car that is the fulfullment of my dream to own a true performance roadster, (that is most importantly American through and through). At just under 20 K there is NOTHING that can come even close. I have driven the Solstices competition from Honda, Mazda and BMW. They cant match this cars looks or performace (at the price).
Incidentally, his favorite part is "The body baby!" I'm not sure how all those parentheses didn't make the final draft like so many apostrophes and double consonants in verb conjugates, they're clearly needed. The bolded section is my favorite though because IMHO, the cockpit is stupid-looking and Pontiac is incapable of making a car that isn't made with cheap materials. American cars on average aren't cheaper because they're domestically-produced (as Nissan workers in Tennessee scratch their heads in wonderment), it's because they suck. And sometimes, they aren't even cheaper! Thanks, GMC!
I Hope The Solstice Asks Me To The Prom! wrote:
My dad first introduced me to this car- he works for General Motors in Detroit, MI. I am so in love with it, and it is such a great price for what you get!!! I would tell everyone to get one!
Of course you would, Buffy Iacocca. Is this for fucking real? Oh, and her least favorite part is, ha ha, the body. Needs "oomph." Her dad must get the business from his co-workers (in the factory) over that one.
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JUNK IV or V by Fussbett 07/11/2005, 7:10am PDT 
Re: JUNK IV or V by Ray of Light 07/11/2005, 7:57am PDT
Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by Bill Dungsroman 07/11/2005, 12:18pm PDT
Re: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by Ice Cream Jonsey 07/11/2005, 8:23pm PDT
Re: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by Ray of Light 07/11/2005, 9:01pm PDT
two words for used car salesmen by FABIO 07/11/2005, 10:26pm PDT
Re: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by Bill Dungsroman 07/11/2005, 11:26pm PDT
BDR manipulates biker chick by finding her a new car NT by Inside Joke-a-thon 07/11/2005, 11:41pm PDT
"Biker?" NT by Bill Dungsroman 07/12/2005, 1:40am PDT
Re: Biker? by Ray of Light 07/12/2005, 6:56am PDT
Grandparent? by Bill Dungsroman 07/12/2005, 12:52pm PDT
Re: Grandparent? by Ray of Light 07/12/2005, 4:12pm PDT
Re: Grandparent? by Bill Dungsroman 07/12/2005, 9:14pm PDT
yeah Ray, you haven't had BDR's great track record with women, what do you know? NT by Dr. Phil 07/12/2005, 9:27pm PDT
Having a track record requires actually running the track. NT by Bill Dungsroman 07/12/2005, 9:37pm PDT
Re: Grandparent? by Ray of Light 07/12/2005, 10:45pm PDT
Re: Grandparent? by Bill Dungsroman 07/13/2005, 1:35am PDT
Hands by Fussbett 07/13/2005, 10:35am PDT
Re: Grandparent? by I need clarification 07/13/2005, 10:37am PDT
Re: Grandparent? by Bill Dungsroman 07/13/2005, 2:45pm PDT
I'm an expert on something! by laudablepuss 07/13/2005, 7:17pm PDT
Hey, how about those shuttle tiles? NT by I need clarification 07/13/2005, 7:44pm PDT
I think I already said that but thanks. NT by laudablepuss 07/14/2005, 11:12am PDT
Re: I'm an expert on something! by Kabuke 07/14/2005, 2:47pm PDT
Oh Bill, you're such a MAN around me! by your girlfriend 07/13/2005, 12:17pm PDT
Billy Billy Billy by Dr. Phil 07/12/2005, 5:02pm PDT
Re: Billy Billy Billy by Ice Cream Jonsey 07/12/2005, 6:33pm PDT
Re: Billy Billy Billy by Dr. Phil 07/12/2005, 9:24pm PDT
Yes, anonymous maggot? by Bill Dungsroman 07/12/2005, 9:35pm PDT
Re: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by E. L. Koba 07/12/2005, 9:53pm PDT
Re: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by laudablepuss 07/13/2005, 1:44pm PDT
Re: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by Entropy Stew 07/13/2005, 10:00pm PDT
Re: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by E. L. Koba 07/14/2005, 12:05am PDT
Re: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac by laudablepuss 07/14/2005, 11:27am PDT
Reading that made me have more thoughts. by Fussbett 07/12/2005, 3:15pm PDT
Dodge steals GM thunder again, plans to bring back Challenger too. by Fussbett 01/08/2006, 4:16am PST
GM finally announces Camaro rebirth possibility. by Fussbett 01/08/2006, 2:41pm PST
Re: Dodge steals GM thunder again, plans to bring back Challenger too. by I need clarification 01/09/2006, 3:18pm PST
Screw the gooch...ahahahaah...ha? by Info 01/09/2006, 4:47pm PST
Re: Screw the gooch...ahahahaah...ha? by Strip club owners/heroin dealers 01/09/2006, 4:57pm PST
Re: JUNK IV or V by Maddox 07/11/2005, 11:40pm PDT
It's easy and obvious to say the Aztek is ugly. NT by Fussbett 07/12/2005, 1:41pm PDT
He's got a thing on blogs too! What's next HL2 mod previews? NT by Worm 07/12/2005, 2:15pm PDT
Bumping a fun thread when we need it the most. NT by Caltrops Autobump Program 03/18/2020, 1:43pm PDT
Show me the Forbidden CARFAX by Computer Car Analogies 03/18/2020, 3:29pm PDT
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