Forum Overview :: Rants :: Poor Ol' Nigga Thinks It's A Cadillac

[quote name="Bill Dungsroman"][quote name="Fussbett"]One of my SB-deleted posts was about how Pontiac employs today's worst car designers, example #23423 being the <a href="http://www.stoptech.com/productphotos/Pontiac/Side.JPG">new Pontiac GTO</a>, a 350-hp car that looks like a tamer Sunfire and from some angles an Oldsmobile Alero. Why I was bringing it up specifically and not, say, the <a href="http://www.elkgrovebpg.com/car_photos/350-Aztek.jpg">Aztek</a>, was because the GTO was originally a pretty <a href="http://www.newtek.com/products/lightwave/lw-gallery/albums/Transportation/266.jpg">wild</a> <a href="http://www.motorimania.it/manifestazioni/sportive/pontiac/images/Pontiac.Gto.Judge.jpg">looking</a> machine, so goofy Pontiac actually played it too safe. Meanwhile Chrysler is making crazy stuff like the PT Cruisers, Prowlers, the Dodge Viper and Ford brings back the Mustang's original looks to huge applause and sales. Since then Dodge has also released the new Charger, and while it hasn't received the overall undying praise the new Mustang enjoyed (mostly people flipping out over the fact that the Charger is now a four-door, making it a <i>sedan!!!</i>) you cannot argue that the new Charger looks like it might eat the car in front of it. <a href="http://www.speedtv.com/_assets/library/img/large/60129_speed.charger.jpg"><img src="http://www.speedtv.com/_assets/library/img/large/60129_speed.charger.jpg"></a> ...so with this muscle car rejuvination going on all around it (<a href="http://www.motortrend.com/toc/thismonth/" target="asdf">Dodge Charger R/T Meets Mustang GT: New-age musclecars take to the streets of San Francisco)</a>) Pontiac says "OH NO, LETS REDESIGN OUR PIECE OF SHIT AND GET IN ON THIS", and with that, release this plan for the 2008 GTO: <a href="http://www.dodgeforum.com/upfiles/10659/73997B4B0AF04E8C828FCFA8CC9E1989.jpg"><img width="943" height="220" src="http://www.dodgeforum.com/upfiles/10659/73997B4B0AF04E8C828FCFA8CC9E1989.jpg"></a><br>(click for the full bigness) Basically ripping off the new Mustang back end, but still managing to inject the Pontiac ugly into the front.[/quote] Wow. The trickle-down theory of car styling continues. Cadillac has had its usual way with cars (Chrysler 300, Mistubishi Gallant GTA), but now you've got VW imitating the Altima. And it's not just Pontiac on the Mustang tip, it's fucking HyunDIE and the <a href="http://www.edmunds.com/new/2005/hyundai/tiburon/100502165/photogallery.html?pg_type=Coupe&imgsrc=&tid=edmunds.n.researchlanding.keyvdps..1.Hyundai*" target="new">Tiburon</a>. Which makes sense, since the Tiburon is Hyundai's foray into making cars like Americans, reasonably-priced (by way of cheaply made) heavy gas guzzling hunks of shit. I haven't been wearing my tinfoil hat lately, so I guess the Dodge folks were successful in reading my mind when I thought every time I looked at the Magnum <I>Man, that car would be pretty fucking cool if it wasn't a stupid station wagon. And if Dodge wasn't the manufacturer.</I> They come in well under 30K MSRP and since it's American, the odds are in your favor of getting the fucker at invoice or less. But I doubt I'll ever buy Amur'can, because they fucking suck and on the rare occasion they get a model right, it will turn back to junk in a few years after the crafty Japs benchmark it and then lap it in all conceivable categories while the American maker is too busy making the same car for less, yet charging the same or more (see: Dodge Durango, Chrysler 300). So, you have to be in position to get a new car in the right time window to get in a good American car, and then still be prepared to have your balls busted on re-sale. <a href="http://www.carbuyingtips.com" target="new">This conglomerate of folks masquerading as one dude</a> totally hate Pontiac. I do too! I did an old (but not old enough!) post about all the cars I've owned, the first (after the moped) was a Pontiac Firebird. Aptly named, seeing as how it tried to tear its own engine apart and explode after I had paid it off. Oh, and then there's <a href="http://www.pontiac.com/solstice/gallery.jsp?cmp=2005ola&pl_code=MGMC9L6C4030P488818B488810S0" target="new">this</a>, Pontiac's Miata/Spyder knockoff. I thought Pontiac's motto used to be "We are driven." I always figured the slogan got truncated and was supposed to finish with..."for a few years, then we fall the fuck apart and are worth nothing on trade-in. Sucker." I'm not going near a Pontiac ever. It's not just "a" but "the" sucker bet in buying a new car. Pontiac excels at and revels in making cars that look disarmingly spiffy when shiny and new and exponentially deteriorate as time goes on, and not much time at that by comparison. The salesmen are the worstest, greasiest hucksters among all car dealerships. They're selling you crap and they know it and if you're their to buy it, you're by default a fucking idiot. Looooooook! A Porsche rip-off! But some people sure like it! Edmunds has the <a href="http://www.edmunds.com/new/2006/pontiac/solstice/100529859/ratings_consumer.html?tid=edmunds.n.review.leftsidenav..16.Pontiac*" target="new">following reviews</a>, all from the worstest whoriest sources in media, new car buyers/car enthusiast print mags: [quote name="Oh God My Crotch Just Spontaneously Combusted"]To view this beauty (from a distance) with its flowing lines and growling grill tells you (in your first glance) that this car is destined to be a classic. Enough cannot be said about this car as an embodiment of a "has it all" modern roadster. <B>Its interior is a beautifuly trimed cockpit with high quality fit finish and materials.</B> This is a car that is the fulfullment of my dream to own a true performance roadster, (that is most importantly American through and through). At just under 20 K there is NOTHING that can come even close. I have driven the Solstices competition from Honda, Mazda and BMW. They cant match this cars looks or performace (at the price).[/quote] Incidentally, his favorite part is "The body baby!" I'm not sure how all those parentheses didn't make the final draft like so many apostrophes and double consonants in verb conjugates, they're clearly needed. The bolded section is my favorite though because IMHO, the cockpit is stupid-looking and Pontiac is incapable of making a car that isn't made with cheap materials. American cars on average aren't cheaper because they're domestically-produced (as Nissan workers in Tennessee scratch their heads in wonderment), it's because they suck. And sometimes, they aren't even cheaper! Thanks, GMC! [quote name="I Hope The Solstice Asks Me To The Prom!"]My dad first introduced me to this car- he works for General Motors in Detroit, MI. I am so in love with it, and it is such a great price for what you get!!! I would tell everyone to get one![/quote] Of course you would, Buffy Iacocca. Is this for fucking real? Oh, and her least favorite part is, ha ha, the body. Needs "oomph." Her dad must get the business from his co-workers (in the factory) over that one. [/quote]