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| Quick Terminator 3 review by the last person on Caltrops to see it by Tom-Foolery Constructor 08/04/2003, 12:50pm PDT | ||||
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| What better time to pull out your cell phone with its 10,000 watt baby blue/puke green lit screen to check your messages than in a darkened theatre in the middle of the film?
Freddy vs. Jason: It's gonna be stupid as hell, yet kick ass. I hope it doesn't continue the late 90s slasher tradition of implying teen sex to enrage Jason instead of actually showing it. Gigli: If there's one thing I hate more than romantic comedies, it's romantic comedies with nice-guy mobsters involved. The mob apparently decided the best way to keep Ben Afflek alert while protecting some retard was to send in Jennifer Lopez to prance around in trampy outfits and flirt with him nonstop. We fucking KNOW they're getting married, already. Here's hoping the ending's a bloodbath. Now the film itself. I remember all the talky scenes and one-liners, but by the time I left the theatre I'd forgotten most of the "action" parts of this action movie Good: -Ending. -Terminator doesn't learn the true meaning of love, remains a relentless killing machine inappropriately reasigned for a protection mission. -Comic relief for the most part non-odious. -T-800 owns the T-1s just like the T-X owns him. -Ahnold strolling through a graveyard with a coffin on his shoulder and a machine gun in his hand. -"If you kill me you fail your mission!" scene not nearly as gay as expected. -Better than Matrix 2 in every way except the fight scene editing. Bad: -Gratuitous product placement in a Terminator movie? -The T-X and her ray gun/flamethrower arm were lame/not very chilling. -Mtv-style 1000 quick cuts and John Woo-style slow motion "cool" shots do not go together well in a single action scene. -Squibs ahoy, but the movie wusses out and has most of the T-Xs stabbings done offscreen. No Milkcarton scenes here. -Heartless killer robots lose most of their impact when they scream in rage. Also, blue lightbulb eyes are considerably less scary than red ones. -The whole feeling of "Okay folks, we know it's a terminator movie. Let's go through the starting motions. Naked bubble. Finding clothes. Evil terminator kills some folks. Evil terminator tracks them down. Protector appears just in the nick of time. yawn..." -Ahnold doesn't keep the star sunglasses on through the first action scene. I give it a B- |
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