Here's the second one, posted to alt.support.childfree (a sort of "anti-child" newsgroup):

My stalking victim/wife and I were driving to some generic vacation city that I'd take the time to brag about going to, but I won't, because my baby-killing hands are so tired from KILLING BABIES that I'd rather not waste time talking about the city, but instead point out in detail why I won't talk about the city.

We stopped at a food place building, probably Italian (because it's always Italian). We figured "wow, no cars, there will be no families in there!" The parking lot was empty, and the lights were off, and the building's windows were boarded up. Surely, there would be no parents or kids!

When we got inside, it was pretty quiet. We were seated at our table, and then I slapped my wife in the face and made her order for me. She went "LOL! ;)"

When all of a sudden, an infant "fussed quietly." I put it in quotes because the baby wasn't saying anything, she was breastfeeding. At the table. I looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this, but they weren't. Everyone else were teenage mothers, pregnant AND breastfeeding in public! We were in the center of the "sprogfest" (LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), with tables of unwed teenage mothers spiraling around us! I alerted wifey-waa to our own private hell. She got the same devlish look in her eyes that I did, as she went for her holster. The babies could smell the excitement, and suddenly they all started crying. The mothers took them off their tits and threw the babies onto the table, and then stared at the ceiling, pretending not to notice. That's when the wife and I decided to take action.

I activated my super secret flamethrower/jetpack and activated the "baby killer" setting. The wife whipped out her dual Colt 1911s (JUST LIKE THAT AWEOSME JOHN WOOE MOVIE YANOWHATIMSAYIN DUDE?), and started with a side leap (to the side), firing randomly towards the sea of teen mothers. Each bullet fired was an instant headshot, blasting into the pasty white faces so hard that they did double backflips through the air, landing on their stomachs, which exploded in giant blasts of fluid.

I activated my (super secret) flamethrower and started torching the fat baby-plants, causing them to overhead and explode in giant blasts of combustable fluids (everyone knows that the stuff the baby floats in is highly flammable). The flying fire juice caught fire from the blasts, which created a chain reaction of exploding mothers and babies.

Meanwhile, the dear wife was doing backflips and sidespins through the air, firing shot after shot (200 shots fired without reloading). It was like that one really cool movie where a bunch of people die or explode or something.

Then we detonated a nuke.

And then we turned on our jetpacks and flew home, the end.

Oh yeah, when we got home, I ripped out my wife's cunt so she couldn't have any kids. And then we both went LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The real end.