|
|
Forum Overview
::
Tales of the Sword Coast
|
|
|
by Quétinbec 02/13/2010, 10:03am PST |
|
 |
|
 |
|
I wanted to spend some time with a whore, but I didn't really want to fuck her. I was feeling lonely, but I was also hung over. So, I called the whore MM named "Stabby McWhore" and asked her if she'd come over to give me a Thai massage. She said she would for 20BD. That's the same price as a fuck! I said that a massage should be cheaper than a fuck and she dropped her price by 5BD.
She taxied over because she said she was at some police station (?!) and I didn't know where that was and I even if I did, I didn't want to go there to pick up a whore. When she arrived, I snuck her in without any Arabs catching us. My maid was still around, but we got to my bedroom and locked the door before she left the kitchen.
Stabby lives in a two bedroom flat with 4 whores sharing each bedroom and the whores rely on me for their music! Quite a responsibilty! The right music can really cheer you up. Also, she wanted me to burn two copies of everything - one for her flat, and one for the whore bar - so somewhere in Bah***n there's a whore bar playing Boards of Canada! How inappropriate!
Early on in the massage, she gets a number of phone calls. She looks a bit stressed so I ask her if there's a problem (seeing as she keeps stopping the massage for this shit). She said her friend needs a place to stay until 6pm. She asked if her friend could stay here and I agreed after she assured me her friend was modestly dressed. She says her friend will be about 45 minutes - long enough for her to finish the massage.
Now, there's only one flatmate here at the moment and he's someone I lie to about my whoring. He thinks these girls are Filipinos I pick up legitimately. It's not hard to make that lie work, but the more variables you introduce, the more you risk it coming apart, so I try not to be a fucking idiot.
As for the massage, she knows what she's doing, but she's not making much of an effort, and as if to excuse herself she starts complaining about how tight I am with my money! I'm only getting this massage as a favour to her! I don't want to fuck her! I'm being a gentleman. So, I ask her whether she'd rather give a massage for 30 minutes or a fuck. She said it depends on the fuck! So I gave a few hypothetical fucks and she said she'd rather have a gentle 20 minute fuck than give a 30 minute massage. So, I was like, well, let's fuck then because I'm not going to lie here with an erection thinking I'm doing you a favour when you don't even give a shit.
So we begin the fuck. I've fucked her about 5 times now and it's never good but this was the best it's been perhaps because we kinda bonded a bit while listening to music.
She always looks like she's in pain. I stopped the fuck this time and said, "Look, it's my fucking lube! There's no reason for you to skimp on it. Why do you always look in pain?"
During the fuck, her phone kept ringing. She'd told her friend to wait at a nearby hotel and call us when she arrived but she must have arrived halfway through our fuck - 30 minutes earlier than she said she would. So, Stabby was bugging me to cum and I was like, "This is fucking bullshit!" because the deal was 30BD for a fuck and a massage and we'd stopped the massage after 10 minutes to fuck, and I was being forced to cum early and I was still owed like 20 minutes massage! So, stabby was like, if you cum now, I'll give you an hour massage later, so I agreed.
We left to pick up the whore. She actually could have walked directly to my building, but I can't have that. I know my complex like the back of my hand. I know the security hotspots; the fields of view out of dangerous windows and offices, and the hours of every Arab working in the building. I've snuck whores in there at all hours of the day and only been caught by an Arab once. No one can get a whore safe in a building like me. If you have a whore rock up out of a taxi and wander the complex like a dazed child, you're gonna get caught. Every time you get caught, you roll the dice. If you get thrown out of your apartment for violating the terms of your contract by bringing an unmarried girl back, you lose your job and everything. It's a hell of a thrill once you get her in safe and lock the door, but until then, you're fucking freaking out.
Anyway, we pick up this whore, and she's fucking beautiful. She's really, really pretty. She pisses on Stabby. She said her name is "Peachy". I said that name is unacceptable! I said only pets and whores are called "Peachy" and while she was staying at my apartment, if my flatmate asked, she's a Filipino called "Amy". She said she understood and said that if anyone ever asks her later, she'll say she's never been to my place or met me. I said she didn't need to go that far! What the fuck? She just needs to lie if this one guy asks her, and he probably won't, because he's an unfriendly asshole.
We get back safely and Stabby tells me to go into the bedroom with her, so I put the television on in the lounge for the beautiful whore and tell her we're just having a good honest Thai massage - nothing more - and I'm sure she doesn't believe me. So, I leave this whore watching television in my living room, which thinking about it now is a huge fucking risk, because she's beautiful, and if my flatmate came out and saw some beautiful girl sitting alone in the lounge, he'd probably sit down to talk with her, and if I came out later, any lies she might have told him probably wouldn't match up with the lies I'd tell him. Even worse, she might not lie. I don't know who the fuck she is. Also, how can you explain her sitting out in the lounge while me and the other girl are in the bedroom. It was risky as fuck, but he didn't come out of his bedroom and everything worked out nicely.
After the massage, we had three hours to kill, so we ordered some food and the beautiful whore told me her sad story.
I also began planning "Operation Ricewine". In 4 days time, I'll have this place to myself. I'll have it for a week. I want Stabby to live with me for a large part of that week. She's agreed to do so. She knows this place pretty well now and I've showed her where and when to sneak in. She's a good liar, too.
It's risky as fuck, though, man. She could rip me off so fucking easily. How could I explain that to anyone? |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
A fuck occured by Quétinbec 02/13/2010, 10:03am PST 
That would have made an awesome NT by Thief escort mission 02/13/2010, 10:46am PST 
crent needs a shirt that says WANK HAPPENS. NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/13/2010, 11:39am PST 
Tangential but I bookmarked this thread just for you. by Noi Dau Don 02/14/2010, 4:59pm PST 
Do you guys have any tips on uhhh how to NOT cry like a pregnant woman at every NT by little thing? (Hahahahahahahahaha) 02/14/2010, 7:16pm PST 
I haven't cried since that beautiful text. by Quétinbec 02/15/2010, 5:31am PST 
Quétinbec: King Shit of Fuck Mountain by Horrible Gelatinous Blob 02/15/2010, 2:34pm PST 
Perfect forum title NT by Fortinbras 02/15/2010, 3:12pm PST 
If On a Winter's Night a Lecher... NT by : 02/15/2010, 6:51pm PST 
Re: Quétinbec: King Shit of Fuck Mountain by Quétinbec 02/16/2010, 6:52am PST 
Re: Quétinbec: King Shit of Fuck Mountain by Bananadine 02/16/2010, 7:25am PST 
And yet no one wants to live in Bahrain and everyone wants to live in Australia NT by WHY? 02/16/2010, 9:38am PST 
What's that about Bahrain and Australia, CUNT? by Quétinbec 02/17/2010, 7:24am PST 
Um, Australia beats Bahrain in every category except finances and friends by Mischief Maker 02/17/2010, 12:08pm PST 
or "other people looking for someone, anyone, to help to forget they're in Bahra NT by WHY? 02/17/2010, 2:50pm PST 
Lower is better. by Arbit 02/17/2010, 3:08pm PST 
I used to get on that MM guy about his lack of careful reading skills. NT by Slow down the skimming. 02/17/2010, 3:22pm PST 
You want careful reading? I charge a very reasonable hourly fee. NT by Mischief Maker 02/18/2010, 12:05am PST 
Call up Milton, 'cause it's time for some REAL TALK by Horrible Gelatinous Blob 02/16/2010, 11:26am PST 
best troll of all time by Mysterious Stranger 02/16/2010, 9:38pm PST 
So the reason I want Paris Hilton to die of AIDS is because she trolled me? NT by Mischief Maker 02/16/2010, 11:35pm PST 
Also she is a cunt. ^_^ NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 7:23am PST 
Use of "Sir" detected. Conclusion: PROBABLE GOON NT by Fortinbras 02/17/2010, 7:29am PST 
Like you? Ha ha yeah. 8) NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 7:31am PST 
Wow, you've cracked the case by Sir Percy Fistyworth Chumsford III 02/17/2010, 8:10am PST 
(*airhorn*) NT by Fullofkittens 02/18/2010, 6:38pm PST 
This guy has the right idea. Can everyone stop replying to posts on Caltrops? NT by Exception: praise. 02/17/2010, 9:32am PST 
You're full of shit. by Quétinbec 02/17/2010, 7:19am PST 
Re: You're full of shit. by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 7:30am PST 
Wow, Jhoh's mortgage-free! NT by Jealous debtors 02/17/2010, 12:02pm PST 
If we were mortgage free we would've paid a deposit. NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 4:51pm PST 
What? by Hans Clastorp 02/17/2010, 5:46pm PST 
I guess we deposited a down payment then. NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 5:50pm PST 
hans, the mc hammer of caltrops :D NT by irony 02/17/2010, 5:57pm PST 
:D NT by Hans Clastorp 02/18/2010, 9:30am PST 
Re: :D by Mischief Maker 02/18/2010, 9:50am PST 
Haha that's hans. NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/18/2010, 3:17pm PST 
I feel a lot better about myself now that I know he believes that actually NT by irony 02/17/2010, 5:10pm PST 
Ha ha! You DID fall in love with Stabby! I fucking called it! NT by Mischief Maker 02/17/2010, 9:22am PST 
Oh, for fuck's sake by I need clarification 02/17/2010, 9:40am PST 
INC's high stakes! by Quétinbec 02/18/2010, 9:28am PST 
What family? NT by Fortinbras 02/18/2010, 8:14pm PST 
Let's all get trolled (I mean reply) by Fussbett 02/17/2010, 11:01am PST 
Where's the rage? by Admiral Crustwallow Derbingle Jr. 02/17/2010, 11:49am PST 
Re: Let's all get trolled (I mean reply) by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 4:58pm PST 
what house did we pay only $20,000 for? by irony 02/17/2010, 5:09pm PST 
*checks jacket* NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 5:10pm PST 
who knew examining the particulars of a living situation could be so fantastical NT by irony 02/17/2010, 5:36pm PST 
The inaccurate particulars. 8) NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 5:42pm PST 
WE'RE NOT LOSERS, WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP SAYING THAT?! 8) NT by The Cable Retards 02/17/2010, 6:34pm PST 
Don't be bitter because you lost (and we won). 83 NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 6:38pm PST 
I GET PISSED OFF BY RETARDS WHO TRUMP MY INTELLEGENCE WHATS THIS IRONY THING NT by crying bitch 02/17/2010, 7:03pm PST 
Nice subtlety jsoh NT by HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUR? 02/17/2010, 7:10pm PST 
also we have huge nigger cocks NT by irony 02/17/2010, 7:11pm PST 
Tell me more. NT by Quétinbec 02/17/2010, 8:00pm PST 
That's what I was thinking. :( by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 7:29pm PST 
to be fair I think he does get it, but it isn't helping him sleep at night NT by irony 02/17/2010, 7:32pm PST 
Nothing will at this point. 8( NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/17/2010, 7:43pm PST 
You don't have to be a genius to buy a 20k house in Detroit, but it helps! NT by ED-209 02/18/2010, 11:56pm PST 
The deposit was only $20 so it was quite a bargain. NT by Jhoh Creexul (custom software) 02/19/2010, 12:23am PST 
HAHAH LET'S ALL PRETEND WE HAVEN'T BEEN CONTINUOUSLY TROLLED FOR THE PAST COUPLE by YEARS BY SAYING WE'RE BEING TROLLED 02/18/2010, 5:11pm PST 
Ha, you got trolled so hard. Look at your replying constantly about this. NT by U MAD 02/18/2010, 7:45pm PST 
I know right? by Mysterious Stranger 02/18/2010, 8:47pm PST 
Re: I know right? by U MAD 02/18/2010, 9:10pm PST 
Re: I know right? by Mysterious Stranger 02/19/2010, 8:02am PST 
Re: You're full of shit. by Mischief Maker 02/17/2010, 11:05am PST 
Re: You're full of shit. by Quétinbec 02/18/2010, 9:43am PST 
Re: You're full of shit. by Mischief Maker 02/18/2010, 11:40am PST 
"Economics! With this enchanted Tarot, you'll never NEED to understand finance!" NT by The Happiness Engine 02/18/2010, 3:37pm PST 
I've been trolled! by Arbit 02/17/2010, 11:50am PST 
Re: I've been trolled! by Quétinbec 02/18/2010, 9:45am PST 
Re: I've been trolled! by Arbit 02/19/2010, 4:54pm PST 
QB's emoretcon extravaganza by up with pod people 02/17/2010, 12:03pm PST 
Re: QB's emoretcon extravaganza by Quétinbec 02/18/2010, 9:49am PST 
HGB and QB star in: Okane Ga Nai (No Money) by Noi Dau Don 02/17/2010, 5:50pm PST 
I have a conversation with a beautiful live human female about this. by Noi Dau Don 02/17/2010, 6:26pm PST 
oh yea so did I, if by "this" you mean something somewhat unrelatred by irony 02/17/2010, 7:25pm PST 
a page 404'd :( NT by Worm 02/17/2010, 9:13pm PST 
Missing page reup by Noi Dau Don 02/18/2010, 2:05pm PST 
That was hilarious, Zseni. NT by Quétinbec 02/18/2010, 9:52am PST 
Thanks QB! Your ukefacing is deeply inspiring to me. NT by Noi Dau Don 02/18/2010, 2:17pm PST 
NO U by Horrible Gelatinous Blob 02/18/2010, 11:50am PST 
Re: NO U by Quétinbec 02/19/2010, 6:51am PST 
QB has lots of secret private messages to be proud of NT by Tom Chick 02/19/2010, 8:38am PST 
I once genetically engineered bioluminescent E-Coli as a lab project. by Mischief Maker 02/18/2010, 12:14pm PST 
Hahahahaha NT by Entropy Stew 02/19/2010, 12:16am PST 
Re: I once genetically engineered bioluminescent E-Coli as a lab project. by Quétinbec 02/19/2010, 6:59am PST 
I think these adventures are a little romantic. by Ice Cream Jonsey 02/17/2010, 8:51pm PST 
I think I meant "accomplished" goon. Not acclimated. I just work here. NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 02/17/2010, 8:53pm PST 
Re: I think these adventures are a little romantic. by Quétinbec 02/18/2010, 9:47am PST 
Except when they get on the airwaves, newspapers, internet, etc. NT by Fortinbras 02/18/2010, 11:34am PST 
it falls to me to inform you that the 'beautiful text' was actually sad, banal by up with pod people 02/15/2010, 6:53pm PST 
Re: it falls to me to inform you that the 'beautiful text' was actually sad, ban by Quétinbec 02/16/2010, 6:55am PST 
Do you actually play video games? NT by Mysterious Stranger 02/16/2010, 11:37am PST 
Sure he does! He played that Need for Speed where you get text messages from a by beautiful but deadly Chinese girl! 02/16/2010, 4:53pm PST 
Re: A fuck occured by i_hate_goons.vbs 02/18/2010, 8:02pm PST 
Hey, QB! We found someone who wants to trade places with you. NT by Mischief Maker 02/18/2010, 8:15pm PST 
Don't kid yourself. QB's posts have all the core elements of a Goon story. by Fortinbras 02/18/2010, 8:19pm PST 
fuck you, goon by i_hate_goons.vbs 02/19/2010, 12:12am PST 
Sounds like it's time for Fortinbras NT by to raise the stakes B) 02/19/2010, 6:12am PST 
Lookit these FUCKEN GOONS by i_hate_goons.vbs 02/18/2010, 8:26pm PST 
Who wants to ban QB??? These hate-ins are fun! NT by Mischief Maker 02/18/2010, 9:40pm PST 
Re: Who wants to ban QB??? These hate-ins are fun! by i_hate_goons.vbs 02/18/2010, 9:52pm PST 
Re: Who wants to ban QB??? These hate-ins are fun! by Mischief Maker 02/18/2010, 10:23pm PST 
Re: Who wants to ban QB??? These hate-ins are fun! by i_hate_goons.vbs 02/19/2010, 12:04am PST 
Re: Who wants to ban QB??? These hate-ins are fun! by i_hate_goons.vbs 02/19/2010, 12:10am PST 
Ping pong with whores? OH, THE DECADENCE by Entropy Stew 02/19/2010, 12:28am PST 
Is it time to have a thread about serious shit that we're morally neutral about? by Noi Dau Don 02/19/2010, 1:49am PST 
Wrong. by Fortinbras 02/19/2010, 9:20am PST 
This guy didn't get trolled. Let's all praise him. NT by Troll assessor 02/18/2010, 9:01pm PST 
Re: A fuck occured by Quétinbec 02/19/2010, 7:09am PST 
Re: A fuck occured by Mischief Maker 02/19/2010, 8:33am PST 
Hey QB! by Gutsby 02/19/2010, 9:41am PST 
|
|
|
|
|