 |
||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| review of the previews by FABIO 07/24/2004, 2:46am PDT | ||||
 |
 |
|||
| Aliens vs. Predator
It probably won't be a complete loss, but it looks like they're going to fuck it up and churn out something that is only 5% of how cool this concept can really be. The trailers seem to confirm everyone's fears that they're going to pull a Freddy vs. Jason and have 95% of the movie be showing a group of terrified humans freaking out towards being attacked by the monsters, then maybe 5 minutes of the monsters fighting each other at the end, with no winner. At least this time though the humans aren't make believe teenagers that moviemakers try to make look cool to real teenagers by constantly showing them doing things that teenagers aren't allowed (by SOCIETY!) to do like drink and smoke weed and have sex. Teen 1- "Dude! That character is totally drinking a beer!" Teen 2- "This movie rules!" My friend read something about it supposedly being an army of predators fighting a war against an army of aliens, but the trailers make it look like the whole movie is 3 predators watching (and occasionally killing) humans trapped in a pyramind get hunted down by aliens, with ONE shot of a predator punching an alien. Also a shot of aliens swarming all over the place that might have had an impact during the movie if the trailer hadn't already given it away. My prediction: Predators watch aliens pick off humans while the humans try to find a way out of the pyramid. Predators will pick off maybe one or two of the humans, but the rest are going to die to aliens. 90% of the movie will be reaction shots of human character you don't care about being killed by aliens. At the VERY end the aliens and predators will be lead into and forced to fight each other. The predators kick ass (for 4 minutes) but the aliens are overrunning everything so the last surviving predator self destructs and takes out the pyramid. The two lone human survivors (the two love interests) barely manage to escape and look back at the smoldering landscape. Both alien species will be presumed dead, but we'll get a final shot of signs that they survived like a predator ship flying past and an alien egg hatching. Then probably fade out to "The End?". Collateral Tom Cruise revists his Eyes Wide Shut role of the man shelling out ungodly amounts of cash to a cab driver during one crazy night. Jamie Foxx plays a role that should have gone to Samuel Jackson. Taxi Who the fuck still thinks that fat, sassy black women in movies is a great idea? The Ladykillers remake sucked, no one bothered with Bringing Down the House, and Martine Lawrence tried to combine it with another tired genre, the crossdressing comedy, to produce the infamous Big Mamma's House. Can anyone think of ONE good fat, sassy black woman movie? Jimmy Fallon is still alive? How is it that merely starring in the most tired comedy show on television guarentees you a green light for a Hollywood movie? Not even Steve Martin could save a fat, sassy black woman movie, and they think one with Fallon is going to be a hit? My verdict: Don't go there! |
||||
 |
 |
|||
|
I, Robot is pretty decent summer entertainment by 07/21/2004, 1:45pm PDT  Fucking liar. NT by 07/21/2004, 1:58pm PDT Well, If You're Not Going To Do It, I Will. by 07/23/2004, 12:18pm PDT yeah that was pretty much what I was going to say by 07/23/2004, 5:50pm PDT Re: yeah that was pretty much what I was going to say by 07/23/2004, 9:29pm PDT Re: yeah that was pretty much what I was going to say by 07/24/2004, 1:56am PDT Re: yeah that was pretty much what I was going to say by 07/24/2004, 2:08am PDT I take one bit back by 07/24/2004, 2:13am PDT Re: yeah that was pretty much what I was going to say by 07/24/2004, 2:14am PDT Re: yeah that was pretty much what I was going to say by 07/25/2004, 10:46pm PDT review of the previews by 07/24/2004, 2:46am PDT one more by 07/26/2004, 1:59am PDT Fucking Liar II by 07/28/2004, 1:04am PDT Invalidated by 07/28/2004, 3:20am PDT Ad Hominem you moron by 07/28/2004, 10:08am PDT Re: Invalidated by 07/28/2004, 10:18am PDT |
