Caltrops - The Zionist Media Conspiracy

Forum Overview :: The Zionist Media Conspiracy

by Wacky Willy 06/21/2003, 4:42pm PDT

Good God this sucked. Say you're Writer/screenwriter Sean hood and you're given the job of making an exact copy of the original Cube with all the flaws of the original intact, but none of the good parts left. How would you ruin the movie in the most calculated and efficient manner?

Well first you'd take out all the traps. Who needs that nasty tension over whether entering the next room will get you killed or not?

Next you'd get rid of all the creepy hellraiser-esqe desgns on the walls and the differently colored dimly lit rooms. It made the original cube so darn unnerving and claustrophobic. Now all the walls are clear, bright white, and the rooms are large and brightly lit.

Okay! You're on a roll now! Remember how in the first one every character had a certain skill that was necessary to everyone's escaping? Not in this one! And remember how the character who was initially set up to be the hero turns into a psycho killer in the first? Well none of that jerking around with the audience in this one! It's telegraphed from the beginning that the paranoid guy with the knife, (played by a very doughy version of the guy from Forever Knight) will turn into a cannibal psychopath. Don't forget the superfluous sex scene between the hottie in the red dress and the computer geek who's been drooling all over her throughout the film (that's filmed so arty that you only get the barest flashes of anything and it's over in seconds)

So you're left with 8 bad actors bickering inside a roomy cube well lit with soft white light. But this is no ordinary cube. this... is a hypercube!!! As the flick explains it, the cube they're in is 4 dimensional. What this means is that different rooms ~~are filmed at different nauseating camera angles~~ have gravity work in different directions, have time move at different rates, and, most often, have really cheap looking CGI shapes fly through them and cut people up in the most unshocking and ungory ways imaginable. There's lots of references made to higher math, making you think there's some puzzle to be solved to help everyone escape. Nope. The cube just collapses in on itself when there's only one cast member left alive. Here's the spoiler of what the repeating number means... It's the time on everyone's watch when the cube will collapse!!! OMGWTF!!!!!!!!!

What's left to piss the audience off? How about an ending that explains the nature of the cubes in the lamest X-files fanfic manner possible?

It's almost calculated to be the perfectly disappointing un-entertaining sequel to the original.