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by bombMexico 03/29/2005, 5:02pm PST |
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oh yeah, from the bloated bitter boring ZSENI!! ooooh burn
the vampires versus werewolves was better than val helsing tho, even without its own frankenstein monster. Or did Underworld have one too? whatever, Beckinsale glared and pouted in both and i get confused. the machine gun crossbow had like 5 times more screen time than her but she still managed to outact it (barely). also, she is either a courageous burn victim or she needs to find a wardrobe director whose idea of hot isn't covering the eye candy from head to toe.
Bill Dungsroman wrote:
Oh, what's not to like?
-imdb lists it as an Action/Fantasy/Horror/Thriller/Romance. Add in Comedy from the unintentionally hilarious bad dialogue, and what more do you need from a film?
-Directed by Len Wiseman, who up until that point was a props handler for Stargate TV and then Independence Day.
-Kate Beckinsale, who used to be HAWT when she weighed more than 70 pounds (she was gorgeous in Much Ado About Nothing HURF) but is now too reedy (cf: Jennifer Connelly). Fortunately, Wiseman likes 'em thin, because they married after filming concluded.
-Crazy pointless vampire hierarchy. ONLY ONE ELDER MAY BE RECONSTITUTED AT ANY TIME NOOOOO. Just one? For what seems to be the entire world? All interred in the same place (that being, the Matrix)?
-Head Leutenant vampire Kraven (HAHAHA) trying his damndest to do something with the shit dialogue he was given. "Blast." "Your place is at my side!" But wait, do it with these clunky fangs in your mouth, so you sound like you just got braces! Poor guy.
-Michael Sheen as Lucian, the pasty, sallow, wimpy leader of the Lichens, I mean Lycans. Apparently, a critical weakness in Lycans beyond silver is the inability to see a double-cross coming from a fucking mile away.
-Oh no it's Michael the hybrid wolf/vamp! Who looks like, I dunno, neither of them, really. Nor does he look particularly badass. Grey-skinned with black eyes, long fingers and zero increased bulk. Fast, though!
-Decent ending (the absolute very ending).
As it turns out, the next two films are a sequel and a prequel. Hell if I can tell which the next one is supposed to be.
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First review by Kthor 03/28/2005, 11:29am PST 
that review was horrible (patch suggestions) by FABIO 03/28/2005, 12:26pm PST 
one more suggestion by FABIO 03/28/2005, 12:44pm PST 
Re: that review was horrible (patch suggestions) by Kthor 03/28/2005, 1:17pm PST 
Re: First review by laudablepuss 03/28/2005, 2:36pm PST 
Wal-Mart, an even worse shopping option, typically does have Darko DC. by Bill Dungsroman 03/28/2005, 6:05pm PST 
I wouldn't sit through Underworld five times if it blew me afterwards. NT by extarbags 03/29/2005, 1:42pm PST 
You mean even the Veronica Cut won't sway you? Damn. by Bill Dungsroman 03/29/2005, 3:13pm PST 
Thanks a lot, you just ruined Christmas. by extarbags 03/29/2005, 5:02pm PST 
its so "hilariously bad" that its great huh? Wherever have i heard this before? by bombMexico 03/29/2005, 5:02pm PST 
Underworld better than Van Helsing? by extarbags 03/29/2005, 5:09pm PST 
Van helsing was supposed to be the Secret Wars of movie monsters by bombMexico 03/29/2005, 8:46pm PST 
Secret Wars II, dummy. NT by Kthor 03/30/2005, 9:21am PST 
LXG was still better than Underworld NT by FABIO 03/29/2005, 10:18pm PST 
Re: LXG was still better than Underworld by The Happiness Engine 03/30/2005, 10:46am PST 
LXG didn't make me want to slit my wrists like Underworld did. Win, Fatality by FABIO 03/30/2005, 11:38am PST 
Re: LXG didn't make me want to slit my wrists like Underworld did. Win, Fatality by The Happiness Engine 03/30/2005, 11:53am PST 
Plot tumors in Underworld, but not LXG? by extarbags 03/31/2005, 5:05pm PST 
You, sir, are no comic book fag. by Bill Dungsroman 03/31/2005, 7:21pm PST 
Re: You, sir, are no comic book fag. by FABIO 03/31/2005, 8:47pm PST 
The ugly truth by Mischief Maker 03/30/2005, 1:03am PST 
Re: The ugly truth by motherfuckerfoodeater 03/30/2005, 1:23am PST 
well, thats what special fx are for. Shes in a monster movie for chrissakes. by bombMexico 03/30/2005, 2:03am PST 
Your girlfriend referencing your bedroom proficiency? by Bill Dungsroman 03/30/2005, 9:39am PST 
more like YOUR girlfriend referencing my bedroom proficiency by bombMexico 03/31/2005, 1:14pm PST 
I guess that would be more theoretically possible, my gf being nonfictitious. by Bill Dungsroman 03/31/2005, 3:00pm PST 
haha-hey wait. Lets replace "nonfictitious" with "desperate." Realism achieved by bombMexico 03/31/2005, 7:24pm PST 
Yeah, let's. Hilarity will no doubt ensue. by Bill Dungsroman 03/31/2005, 8:26pm PST 
Re: its so "hilariously bad" that its great huh? Wherever have i heard this bef by Zseni: Warrior-Poet 03/30/2005, 10:35am PST 
I'm alright with going a long way for a little laugh by Entropy Stew 03/30/2005, 10:50am PST 
A+++ Would buy from again. NT by The Happiness Engine 03/30/2005, 11:06am PST 
This is a better about page than the about page NT by Ray of Light 03/30/2005, 11:52am PST 
Just like to say two things by laudablepuss 03/30/2005, 12:24pm PST 
What? NT by Everybody else 03/30/2005, 2:39pm PST 
That was both cogent and correct by Entropy Stew 03/30/2005, 3:16pm PST 
Re: That was both cogent and correct by Zseni: Warrior-Poet 03/30/2005, 7:17pm PST 
Re: That was both cogent and correct by laudablepuss 03/30/2005, 7:34pm PST 
Re: That was both cogent and correct by I need clarification 03/31/2005, 12:39am PST 
Re: That was both cogent and correct by laudablepuss 03/31/2005, 1:08am PST 
I smell cabbage NT by Entropy Stew 03/30/2005, 7:34pm PST 
oh dear, why all this attention! ah may faint *swoons* by bombMexico 03/30/2005, 8:11pm PST 
FUNNIEST GUY EVAR by laudablepuss 03/30/2005, 8:54pm PST 
Just answer the questions. You fill yours out and I'll fill out mine! NT by Zseni: Warrior-Poet 03/30/2005, 9:06pm PST 
Gameshark reviewing Supremacy by bombMexico 03/28/2005, 3:11pm PST 
anime-ish maybe by jeep 03/28/2005, 3:18pm PST 
Re: anime-ish maybe by Creexul :( 03/29/2005, 2:36pm PST 
Re: anime-ish maybe by Bill Dungsroman 03/29/2005, 2:40pm PST 
Re: Gameshark reviewing Supremacy by motherfuckerfoodeater 03/28/2005, 3:45pm PST 
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