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| Korea Part 1 by Quétinbec 06/24/2009, 7:03pm PDT | ||||
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I don't have many interesting photos of Korea because it's not that interesting visually and because, this one time, we needed condoms and this Korean guy we lived with at the "English Village" said he'd bring us some IF WE PROMISED NOT TO TELL ANYONE HE HAD THEM. He was like 23(!), so we thought we'd freak him out by bursting out of the toilet with my camera and photographing him with them after he returned. He freaked out a little but didn't seem too upset. A few weeks later he snuck in and erased the entire memory card with about 6 months worth of photos. It makes me furious to this day.
Fuck these little bastards. They'd straight up punch you in the balls like it's no big thing, and this MOTHERFUCKING SHIT is no joke. I have been violated by some freaks in my day, but getting jacked up the ass and then punched in the balls by a 12 y/o was something special. 
Here's a bad shot of a typical Korean city. Like a cheap computer game, it's the same tower apartment block a million times over. The blocks are numbered and sometimes, for a bit of SPICE, they'll have a small picture of an animal on their side, so residents can say, "I live in Samsung NE block 4731 the one with the picture of the bunny on it. "Oh, the bunny block! It's beautiful!" 
I spent 6 months in this shithole! There were snooze alarms every five minutes from ~5am-10am every weekday. You'd put headphones on to block it out but they'd fall off. You couldn't sleep. There were all kinds of fights but in the end, all you could really do to stay asleep was get drunk which fucked a lot of people up and off. There was two hours of hot water. We shared one bathroom between 8 guys and they'd shower together, and by that I mean they'd share one showerhead and lather each other. Ex-army guys. You couldn't even tell if someone was gay. You'd watch TV with a guy and he'd start rubbing your arm slowly and tell you he wants to take you back to his village where there's an incredible brothel(?!). Maybe next semester. What made it weirder was one of the foreigners living there was gay. He fell in love with one of our "straight" students, and I guess for that reason, him and I (for no reason) were the only people to last more than 6 months there. The English Village turned out not to be a village, but the 5th floor of a student dormitory. It was at a brand new university hidden in the mountains. We were fed and paid $US150/week and all we had to do was sleep there most nights and watch the occasional episode of Friends. We were promised we could earn qualifications at the university but that turned out to be lies. Only half the 6 foreigners were white. There were about 30 white people in the city of 400,000, so we were a pretty big deal. We had to pose for film and photo adverts. I never found out where most of the pictures went and we were never paid, but a few years after I left, a friend living there saw me on this calendar in this fucking awful picture: 
So perhaps I'm still pretty big over there! You'd think this kind of fame would be handy pussy-wise, but in fact it was a double edged sword that scared away everyone but sluts, whores, and air hostesses. The first girl I dated wanted to leave halfway through her meal because everyone at the cafe was looking at us. Once it becomes known a girl's been with a foreigner, she becomes forever less attractive to Korean guys (because white dicks are bigger). Would you have concerns being with a girl if her previous partner had, FOR INSTANCE, a 13 inch cock? Most girls aren't prepared to risk their reputation. I wouldn't really notice the stares at the time because I'd kind of got use to them, but then you'd look at the photos later and see random Koreans just staring the girl into oblivion: 
Here's a girl who could put up with it: 
At the time, she was going through the final interview stage with Korean Air and their regulations were for hostesses to show no more than 8 teeth when smiling! I had to count those motherfuckers, and she had to hide them when happiness forced her mouth to open too wide. I did her a favour in that respect by acting like an asshole occasionally. 
Most of the girls I've dated overseas were air hostesses or wanted to be air hostesses (not because I like that kind of thing (I've never even wanked to a hostess fantasy)) but because they're comfortable talking to foreigners and they'll approach you, and their preference to get the fuck out of their country is evident in their job selection, so you've immediately got hours of stuff to talk about. And they can deal with the stares. Stares are powerful things. For instance, I started life there with a beard: 
That picture was taken in Seoul's largest theme park during peak time on a Sunday. The queues were fucked, so I thought I'd drive this robotic dog somewhere quiet as a joke. Because the arcade was empty, I drove the dog in circuits around the game machines. One of the attendants saw and yelled at me in Korean, so I drove over to the Korean guy I was with to ask him to talk to the lady to find out what she said. She said that the dog was for seniors and pregnant ladies(!) and that it was not a toy and I was to drive it back to where I found it. At the time, I didn't know how to apologise in Korean, so I thought the nicest thing to do was to return it to its 'kennel' as fast as possible. But rounding a bend at its maximum speed, the steering wheel rattled off and I crashed into a Dance, Dance Revolution machine! I lay the steering wheel on the dog's head and quietly abandoned it. ANYWAY, Koreans don't have facial hair. They're not like the Japanese who rarely have it, or the Vietnamese who occasionally have it. They NEVER have it. So I was big, white, and for extra freakishness, bearded. Everyone I talked to would scratch their chin and rub their cheeks as if I had a bit of snot dangling from my face. I could deal with the times they'd tell me straight up they thought it looked like shit, but it was their constant stares and scratches that got to me. One of my last moments with the beard - in the bathroom at the cinema at the end of a screening of The Aviator, this Korean guy comes up to me and says: "How are hugh? Hahaha" "I'm good, thanks. How are you?" *Confused look. Turns to friend*" "Howare hugh! You Howar hugh! Haha" "Oh, Howard Hughes. Because of the beard. Yeah, hahah. (Fuck this)" |
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