|
by Zsenitan 05/12/2009, 3:13pm PDT |
|
 |
|
 |
|
As previously reported, I was in the Fucked Up Kids classes in junior high and high school. Anyway the fucked up boys loved Pantera - to a man they loved Pantera, perhaps they were unconsciously aware of the superiority of Dimebag but I disgress.
Pantera scared the shit out of me. They weren't safe melancholy like Metallica; they were screamy scary guys with scary fonts on their CDs and scary colors and scary scarification all over their fans! Crazy.
The fucked up girls listened to Tori Amos and The Doors. The Doors weren't scary. I never bought their dark mastery or whatever people love about them. But Tori Amos scared the shit out of me because she sang about raped fairies in a raped fairy voice.
Of course when you are a troubled girl everyone's first reaction is oh you poor raped dear and I had all kinds of manuals for dealing with the aftereffects of the many vicious rapes I must have endured. Teachers with sweet faces and troubling relationships with perfume would take me aside, privately, in dark "safety closets" with punching bags in them, and tell me about how they were raped and how it's okay to talk about it whenever I needed to talk about it. I went to support groups for raped girls who were each damaged in unique ways and who would exaggerate or quietly underplay or otherwise try to avoid talking while moderators gently coaxed more details out of them. The whole thing terrified me and left me feeling hunted, defenseless, and transparent. I developed a vicious hatred for people who inelegantly expose themselves, including myself.
Eventually, around the time I was 13, I lied and claimed that I was a victim of rape and molestation in kindergarten - like the complete naif I was, I claimed it was all at the hands of other students. I concocted a group scene, where a team of four 6-year-olds raped me and touched me inappropriately all the time! Why did anyone ever buy it?! I did it because it was easy, and I was by that time thinking about rape incessantly, and it satisfied my therapists and parents. For them it was like putting in the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle! Their relief, if you could call it that, at having a real cause was grossly evident.
I was not then, nor am I now, a victim of sexual violence. We could make a case for co-molestation, but that's about it (sorry John.) I was not raped - except possibly by osmosis: drawn down and held under the dark watery rape culture of teen girls. Tori Amos represents that world; she is its natural and self-assigned voice. I will absolutely never stop despising her. |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
Top [some] scariest bands by I need clarification 05/12/2009, 12:33am PDT 
Re: Top [some] scariest bands by H1N1 05/12/2009, 5:38am PDT
Got that for ya. by motherfuckerfoodeater 05/12/2009, 9:23am PDT
oh shit gg allin NT by mark 05/12/2009, 10:05am PDT
I thought I posted GG Allin already but apparently I did not post anything. :( NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/12/2009, 10:45am PDT
gary glitter NT by gruman 05/12/2009, 10:15am PDT
Tori Amos, Pantera, uhhhh Pantera again. Also Tori Amos. by Zsenitan 05/12/2009, 3:13pm PDT
lol NT by Fullofkittens 05/12/2009, 3:36pm PDT
Fuck's sake, Zseni. NT by Quétinbec 05/12/2009, 3:38pm PDT
I so know, man. "lol" is basically the ideal response. NT by Zsenitan 05/12/2009, 3:44pm PDT
Gang Raped by 6 Year Olds: The Zensy Story. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/12/2009, 3:44pm PDT
eine kleine rapemusik by up with pod people 05/12/2009, 7:20pm PDT
Agoraphobia, Jerry. Is that what they call your 'disease'? Bond with this girl! by Quétinbec 05/14/2009, 5:42pm PDT
Agoraphobia is the fear of leaving one's apartment, or "agoring" as the Romans by called it. 05/14/2009, 9:30pm PDT
If the coffee shop only had one person in it, the cashier, is that one too many? by Fussbett 05/14/2009, 9:57pm PDT
Followup: Can you have pizza delivered? by bombMexico 05/14/2009, 10:20pm PDT
Re: Followup: Can you have pizza delivered? by Quétinbec 05/15/2009, 4:34pm PDT
This is an interesting hypothesis! by Fullofkittens 05/15/2009, 6:56pm PDT
Putting a bezel around the emoticons was a nice detail on an A+ post. Congrats! NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/16/2009, 12:06pm PDT
Re: This is an interesting hypothesis! by Quétinbec 05/16/2009, 3:12pm PDT
I always think I will be asked to prove that my belongings are actually mine. NT by Zsenitan 05/16/2009, 4:52pm PDT
Speaking of which do you have AIM/yahoo/MSN or just gay skype NT by Zsenitan 05/16/2009, 4:55pm PDT
Listen, your precious thing might be little, but mine is so big it will leave a by Fullofkittens 05/16/2009, 6:51pm PDT
Re: Listen, your precious thing might be little, but mine is so big it will le by Quétinbec 05/16/2009, 9:38pm PDT
Yes, I too want nude photos of Fullofkittens WAIT NO fuck ABORT by bombMexico 05/16/2009, 9:57pm PDT
It's especially cutting to Zseni who was the one clearly offering. Ouch. NT by Fussbett 05/17/2009, 11:26am PDT
If I had a nickle for every time someone on Caltrops ignores me on purpose, I'd NT by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 11:44am PDT
You already have my email, Zseni. You can say private things on that. NT by Quétinbec 05/17/2009, 3:22pm PDT
Re: Listen, your precious thing might be little, but mine is so big it will leav by Entropy Stew 05/17/2009, 12:47pm PDT
Aw. =) NT by Fullofkittens 05/17/2009, 7:41pm PDT
Great. You had to go and bring attention to it it by responding NT by Entropy Stew 05/17/2009, 7:48pm PDT
d'oh, we should take this to IM. NT by Fullofkittens 05/17/2009, 7:49pm PDT
I had a bad experience with fast food, once. by Jerry Whorebach 05/16/2009, 9:19am PDT
This story is less believable than your mom's Datsun! Shaking fries onto the fl by Fussbett 05/16/2009, 9:48am PDT
I don't understand, in your mind what does my mom drive? NT by Jerry Whorebach 05/16/2009, 12:01pm PDT
Can't blame Jerry for not taking shit from someone who can't nail an NT post NT by bombMexico 05/16/2009, 8:55pm PDT
It's POSSIBLE what you say is true, but so unlikely it's like a reverse lottery. by Fussbett 05/16/2009, 9:29pm PDT
Taking a 30-year-old Datsun to the mechanic, now who's living in fantasy land? by Jerry Whorebach 05/16/2009, 10:58pm PDT
Yeah, I sure see a lot of Sanford and Son on TV these days... by Fussbett 05/17/2009, 11:25am PDT
Datsun made rusty hatchbacks, not hummel figurines :( by Jerry Whorebach 05/17/2009, 12:49pm PDT
You misunderstand why I think Datsuns are rare by Fussbett 05/17/2009, 2:10pm PDT
A tow! When you call CAA, do they also send someone to put your monocle back in? by Jerry Whorebach 05/17/2009, 7:47pm PDT
Can I call your mom when I next have car trouble? Apparently she can tow too? by Fussbett 05/17/2009, 8:29pm PDT
She would probably just push it off the road, then come back with the parts. by Jerry Whorebach 05/17/2009, 8:56pm PDT
Yeah she would probably just do that. NT by Fussbett 05/17/2009, 9:51pm PDT
I had a good experience with fast food once (I ate it and it was good). NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/16/2009, 10:01am PDT
The world's saddest lie: pretending to have visited a fast food store. NT by Quétinbec 05/16/2009, 3:13pm PDT
Re: Top [some] scariest bands by Quétinbec 05/12/2009, 3:35pm PDT
Most musicians (even the famous ones) aren't set for life. by Fullofkittens 05/12/2009, 3:42pm PDT
And anyone who got rich sure wrote more than 10 minutes... by Fussbett 05/12/2009, 5:26pm PDT
Re: Top [some] scariest bands by up with pod people 05/12/2009, 7:02pm PDT
A thread about music nostalgia! I'm in! by Fussbett 05/12/2009, 11:31pm PDT
Oops, I forgot to talk about my childhood therapy sessions. Sorry ladiez. NT by Fussbett 05/12/2009, 11:33pm PDT
Well he makes love just like a woman, but he fears Celtic Frost like a little gi NT by Zsenitan 05/13/2009, 1:57am PDT
Tom (fucking) Waits by Motherhead 05/17/2009, 10:37am PDT
TOM WAITS IS STRAIGHTEDGE he occasionally likes the occasional drinksy drink. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/17/2009, 11:08am PDT
TV on the Radio's bassist Gerard Smith, dead at 36. by Ice Cream Jonsey 06/12/2011, 9:43pm PDT
Seth Putnam, lead singer of Anal Cunt, also died today. by Orange Devil Bat 06/12/2011, 9:46pm PDT
Re: Top [some] scariest bands by Roop 08/19/2011, 9:49pm PDT
Re: Top [some] scariest bands by Roop 08/19/2011, 10:10pm PDT
|
|
