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by Zsenitan 09/15/2008, 4:55pm PDT |
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Creexuls, a monster >:3 wrote:
Ice Cream Jonsey wrote:
I mean, really, any story that may have escaped about Cassandra would have easily been trumped by women we have all loved and held dear
Actually in sasy's case that wouldn't be true. If anyone can come up with any story of someone they personally know that would trump a sasy story, I will send you a million dollars in real life and I'm being totally serious and not kidding.
Ah jeez Creex I have a million of these all by myself.
Here's a good one: I crashed my mom's car two weeks after it had gotten out of the shop from the last time I crashed it. At the time I was driving over and over again past the house of the guy I was stalking and I plowed into the back of a truck on a wet road. I was arrested (outstanding speeding ticket) and dragged, totally hysterical, to the cop shop, where I was fingerprinted, thoroughly frisked, and thrown into a cell across from a guy who was waiting for his transfer vehicle. He was waiting to go from one maxi-max to another one. His prison onesie was hanging loosely off of him in wide swatches - torn off his shoulders and abdomen, the legs shredded, who knows why.
My father was going to let me sit and stew in jail for a while (my parents are vengeful animals) so after I had sobbed for about an hour straight, the prisoner started talking to me.
"Hey, uh, calm down. It'll be okay."
Sob sob sob sniffle. "What?"
"I said - it's gonna be okay. You'll be okay. Hey, don't cry."
Sniffle sniffle stare.
"Where do you go to school?"
He totally starts asking me about school, what I'm studying, do I have any friends (this wasn't a mean question, but a factual one and totally accurate {I didn't}), what are my hobbies, do I know any jokes. Really nice small talk to calm a hysterical person down with. With the supreme self-absorbation of a suburban teenager, I never bothered to ask anything about him. I don't know his name or what he was in jail for or anything.
After we had told each other a couple of jokes, he said "hey, wanna see my tattoos?"
"Um, sure."
So he starts pulling away shreds of uniform to show me the tats on his arms and lower legs. Scrupulously avoiding anything gross! There were lots of devils and flames and a lot of writing I couldn't read from my distance. No swasties or nuffin, least not that he showed me.
Suddenly a lady cop opened some weird little wooden window onto the room and exclaimed: "he's showing her his tattoos!!"
Three cops rushed into the holding area and, with one blocking the prisoner's view of me, they moved me into a separate cell with a solid door. I started sobbing all over again.
My father finally showed up three hours after that. "So," he said, first thing. "I understand you are running the prison gang now." He didn't say anything about the car, he just drove me home and told me to clean up the kitchen and start cooking dinner. "After a traumatic situation, the best thing is to do normal chores." My father actually talks like that, and that's actually what he said, very calm, like a man who has waited his whole life for just such a situation to arise. I don't remember what I made for dinner.
It transpired that mom's car stood in police impoundment for a month. Even though we had told the cops where to take the car, they took it there and the shop guys refused to accept it because they didn't believe that it could possibly be the car they thought it was (i.e. the one they had just finished fixing two weeks ago.) It wound up going to court since we refused to pay the impound fees and the cops refused to drop them and the shop refused to step up. The whole thing was actually my fault as I told my parents I had called the shop to arrange stuff, but in fact I never had. I didn't tell anyone that, though.
Anyway, whenever people get too law-and-ordery I get ticked about it still, because that prisoner was nice to me even though he was plainly crazy and probably murdered and raped tons of people or whatever. Prisoners don't stop being people just because they're horrible. ^_^ {--- LIBERAL |
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Romanian by Quétinbec 09/13/2008, 9:40pm PDT 
Eastern Euro Sassy NT by John Cusak 09/13/2008, 11:00pm PDT
That's kind of a stretch [nsfw] by Ray of Light 09/14/2008, 12:52am PDT
She doesn't really look like her at all. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 9:10am PDT
You guys could compare porn\looks_like_sassy folders! by Worm 09/14/2008, 10:43am PDT
this one doesn't look like sasy this one doesn't look like sasy this one doesn't NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 09/14/2008, 11:06am PDT
my porn folders are in disarray too! NT by Worm 09/14/2008, 11:27am PDT
its like hes replying to posts that someone else made NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 09/14/2008, 11:38am PDT
My fatal mistake was putting apostrophes in my fake jsoh post I guess! by Worm 09/14/2008, 11:44am PDT
That was a pretty good fake jso post actually. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 11:52am PDT
He means you can't comprehend other people's posts. Why can't you anyway? NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 12:02pm PDT
I wish I couldn't comprehend jsoh posts. Better yet I wish I couldn't fucking se NT by Worm 09/14/2008, 12:13pm PDT
Yeah thanks wrom. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 12:36pm PDT
Also I'm disadvantaged in not having jsoh explaining the posts to me. NT by Worm 09/14/2008, 1:09pm PDT
even if I explained them you wouldn't understand NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 09/14/2008, 2:20pm PDT
Well you'd need to explain them to me in a horrible post, so yeah. NT by Worm 09/14/2008, 2:30pm PDT
It would be a horrible post. by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 3:08pm PDT
Weird! I don't see the NT. No reason to click, what more could anyone say? NT by Worm 09/14/2008, 3:15pm PDT
The NT only shows for posts that don't have text in them. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 7:57pm PDT
Jhoh has never come to terms with the many revs of Sassy by Ray of Light 09/14/2008, 1:27pm PDT
so she had a nose job with your money? by Weyoun Voidbringer 09/14/2008, 2:22pm PDT
Thanks Jwho. by Ray of Light 09/14/2008, 7:21pm PDT
Crashing into a house while drunk was a story that she told publically. by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 8:41pm PDT
"and Sassy would never deceive her public. QED." by Ray of Light 09/14/2008, 10:16pm PDT
Re: "and Sassy would never deceive her public. QED." by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 10:41pm PDT
I will compare the two stories so that people can make up their own minds! by Ray of Light 09/15/2008, 6:17am PDT
JUST SO HAPPENED TO WORK OUT PERFECTLY by Weyoun Voidbringer 09/15/2008, 7:08am PDT
He's saying she lied. That it never happened. That it was a falsehood. NT by Stupid 09/15/2008, 10:49am PDT
thank you, Stupid, that makes perfect sense by Weyoun Voidbringer 09/15/2008, 11:09am PDT
Re: Jhoh has never come to terms with the many revs of Sassy by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 3:10pm PDT
Ray picks his women like he does TF2 servers NT by FABIO 09/14/2008, 9:05pm PDT
YEAH AND HE'S GAY HA HA NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/14/2008, 9:22pm PDT
Please tell me that models name so I can gather more NT by --- 09/14/2008, 11:52am PDT
This is how you do it --> "Sauce?" NT by Anonymous 09/14/2008, 11:58am PDT
It came from 4chan. by Ray of Light 09/14/2008, 1:36pm PDT
UPDATE: teendreams.com by Ray of Light 03/13/2009, 8:12am PDT
NWS ^ NT by laudablepuss 03/13/2009, 8:14am PDT
I've never been more thankful for a necropost by up with pod people 03/13/2009, 2:39pm PDT
Writing myself in for post of the year in this thread NT by Entropy Stew 03/13/2009, 9:03pm PDT
That should've been posted in the wank forum. This thread shouldn't've been bump by Quétinbec 03/13/2009, 8:56pm PDT
It's the same girl as before, isn't it? NT by Fullofkittens 03/13/2009, 9:50pm PDT
the royal we of Quétinbec + Quétinbec's erection by up with pod people 03/13/2009, 10:27pm PDT
Re: UPDATE: teendreams.com by Tricknology 03/13/2009, 9:33pm PDT
Her hair is cute and her face is pretty but her ass is hairy in the 2nd pic. NT by Quétinbec 03/13/2009, 10:09pm PDT
Also, Ray is bald and pines for hair. NT by Quétinbec 03/13/2009, 10:11pm PDT
AND I have combination skin by Ray of Light 03/14/2009, 4:38am PDT
Why did you repeat what Tricknology just said about the ass hair? NT by I also just want to understand 03/13/2009, 11:11pm PDT
Oops by Quétinbec 03/14/2009, 12:05am PDT
1) completeness 2) that was one of Jhoh's big Sassy criticisms by Ray of Light 03/14/2009, 3:24am PDT
1, that's terror, 2, that's terror. by Creexuls, a monster >:3 03/14/2009, 3:49am PDT
Yeah, sorry about that guys! It was weak and must need to wank more. by Quétinbec 09/15/2008, 6:34am PDT
Hey, man, let's just be real by Ray of Light 09/15/2008, 9:51am PDT
stogies are jumpin off here NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 09/15/2008, 11:58am PDT
Re: Hey, man, let's just be real by REAL TALK 09/15/2008, 12:52pm PDT
She doesn't look rotund to me, in fact just the opposite. by Jerry Whorebach 09/15/2008, 1:45pm PDT
Maybe not rotund, more like pre-rotund. She looks like she's primed to explode. NT by Ray of Light 09/15/2008, 1:49pm PDT
She exploded for a while (when she came to see me) then deflated after I called NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 2:17pm PDT
Re: Hey, man, let's just be real by Ice Cream Jonsey 09/15/2008, 2:20pm PDT
She wouldn't have even come here if I didn't post all the stuff about her. by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 2:24pm PDT
"preemptively" "sycophant" "ray" "did" by Ray of Light 09/15/2008, 2:51pm PDT
Yes, but she is charming. C'mon, you were charmed at first! >CHARM PERSON! NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 09/15/2008, 2:56pm PDT
Don't forget that two of the charms are big tits. NT by That's powerful stuff. 09/15/2008, 3:07pm PDT
Lopsided implants. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 3:10pm PDT
False NT by Ray of Light 09/15/2008, 4:12pm PDT
I grabbed them, they're fake. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 5:04pm PDT
Unlicensed, unofficial, hatless boob inspector. NT by Last 09/15/2008, 5:25pm PDT
Very little of what you've said today makes any fucking sense! by Ray of Light 09/15/2008, 6:31pm PDT
Re: I grabbed them, they're fake. by Tricknology 03/13/2009, 9:34pm PDT
Re: Hey, man, let's just be real by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 3:22pm PDT
Re: Hey, man, let's just be real by MCHF MAKR 09/15/2008, 3:29pm PDT
That's not hardcore enough psh (THE PLEBEIANS ARE TRYING TO SHUT US DOWN). NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 3:30pm PDT
Re: That's not hardcore enough psh (THE PLEBEIANS ARE TRYING TO SHUT US DOWN). by motherfuckerfoodeater 09/15/2008, 4:26pm PDT
Re: That's not hardcore enough psh (THE PLEBEIANS ARE TRYING TO SHUT US DOWN). by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 5:04pm PDT
Weak. Try again. NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 09/15/2008, 5:10pm PDT
MY CROWN NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 5:27pm PDT
Feature Req: forbid full-length titles on deeply nested posts NT by Ray of Light 09/16/2008, 6:19pm PDT
Rationale? NT by Entropy Stew 09/16/2008, 8:18pm PDT
To prevent screen-scrolling or the dreaded line break, GUH. NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/16/2008, 9:17pm PDT
Then maybe fix the layout instead of cutting post titles? NT by Entropy Stew 09/17/2008, 5:24am PDT
Maybe fix it so you don't have to click on every single post like sko caveman? NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/17/2008, 12:47pm PDT
Re: Hey, man, let's just be real by Zsenitan 09/15/2008, 4:55pm PDT
Re: Hey, man, let's just be real by MCHF MAKR 09/15/2008, 5:12pm PDT
Re: Hey, man, let's just be real by motherfuckerfoodeater 09/15/2008, 5:16pm PDT
I just want to know what Zseni SAID to the cops to make them arrest her. by MCHF MAKR 09/15/2008, 5:21pm PDT
Re: I just want to know what Zseni SAID to the cops to make them arrest her. by Zsenitan 09/15/2008, 5:57pm PDT
Are you kidding? Have you seen a Zseni post? There are internet warrants out o NT by FORUM COP Tango 09/15/2008, 7:22pm PDT
Okay so what does this have to do with anything? :( NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 5:26pm PDT
It is true that I never slept with Creex, or indeed with anyone who couldn't, uh by Zsenitan 09/15/2008, 5:59pm PDT
Re: It is true that I never slept with Creex, or indeed with anyone who couldn't by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 6:13pm PDT
Je jure sur la tête de ma première vérole / Que cette voix depuis je l'entends t by out le temps/Au suivant! Au suivan 09/15/2008, 9:28pm PDT
OYE! by Creexul's Undocumented Post Double 09/15/2008, 11:05pm PDT
Oh yes I would like to add by Creexul's Undocumented Post Double 09/15/2008, 11:22pm PDT
Re: Oh yes I would like to add by out le temps/Au suivant! Au suivan 09/15/2008, 11:46pm PDT
So these were our punishment for not caring about your poem or whatever? NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/16/2008, 1:45am PDT
Polo luncheon? OH SHIT! I'll get either ridden or eaten. Probably both. NT by A horse 09/16/2008, 12:23pm PDT
Re: Hey, man, let's just be real by Quétinbec 09/16/2008, 9:32am PDT
Curses by Fussbett 09/16/2008, 11:48am PDT
Re: Curses by Quétinbec 09/17/2008, 5:27am PDT
Poor enough to afford Evian. No Deja Blue crap for me! NT by Montezuma's Mischief 09/16/2008, 12:19pm PDT
Are you having the piss? by Ray of Light 09/16/2008, 6:12pm PDT
Re: Are you having the piss? by Quétinbec 09/17/2008, 5:41am PDT
Baggage! by Fussbett 09/17/2008, 1:06pm PDT
I'm gonna guess "put an egg on your face" doesn't make the best pick-up line :( NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/18/2008, 1:28am PDT
Virginity! by Quétinbec 09/18/2008, 6:00am PDT
Re: Virginity! by motherfuckerfoodeater 09/18/2008, 9:54am PDT
In this post, a hidden implication about lesbianism. by Fussbett 09/18/2008, 6:02pm PDT
WELL. . . NT by HE'S GAY! 09/18/2008, 11:10am PDT
Re: Yeah, sorry about that guys! It was weak and must need to wank more. by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/15/2008, 11:22am PDT
she is an ok girl (stung by a platypus) NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 09/15/2008, 3:20pm PDT
I feel better about not leaving the house ever now (hell is other people). NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 09/13/2008, 11:07pm PDT
Pfft what do you know about love anyway. by Zsenitan 09/14/2008, 2:50am PDT
That is, catapult the evil ones from your vicinity until next Tuesday. NT by MCHF MAKR 09/14/2008, 9:03am PDT
And you had the nerve to tell me the girl I loved but never fucked was unattract NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/14/2008, 4:18am PDT
I don't mean to bag on your girlfriend, BUT... by Jerry Whorebach 09/14/2008, 5:17am PDT
Re: I don't mean to bag on your girlfriend, BUT... by Entropy Stew 09/14/2008, 8:45pm PDT
Bulbed! NT by POE fag 09/14/2008, 8:59pm PDT
Re: I don't mean to bag on your girlfriend, BUT... by Quétinbec 09/15/2008, 6:36am PDT
Once again Stew has kicked all our asses NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 09/15/2008, 9:37pm PDT
Re: Romanian by motherfuckerfoodeater 09/14/2008, 11:30am PDT
Re: Romanian by Moog 09/14/2008, 11:58am PDT
This is you by Isn't it? 09/16/2008, 5:50pm PDT
Look at this fucking sleuth. Detective Monthsago. NT by Fussbett 09/16/2008, 6:11pm PDT
Now, now. NT by Now, now, now. 09/16/2008, 6:48pm PDT
So what? Is it a bit shit, friend? NT by Quétinbec 09/17/2008, 5:45am PDT
Bump! NT by Mysterious Stranger 05/29/2010, 7:49pm PDT
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