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| Part 3! by Jhoh Cable o_O 09/27/2006, 1:16pm PDT | ||||
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| PAST EXPERIENCES IN TRYING TO THINK OF WHAT I WANT TO DO FOR A LIVING, PART 3
Sep. 27th, 2006 | 11:44 am mood: horny music: Bob Seger - Shakedown When I was like 15 I thought I had an epiphany and perhaps my life had finally found a purpose O_______O. Moom got me a Calvin and Hobbes book when I was like 12 and I was like neat and I read it blah blah. Then I put it away for many years, IT SEEMED LIKE A MILLION TIMES AGO (THEN I REALIZED LIKE I WAS SHOT...... WITH A DIAMOND BULLET). No I mean when I was 15 I suddenly had a dream about an imaginary Calvin and Hobbes comic, like out of nowhere, and suddenly I became obsessed with Calvin and Hobbes. After that I went out and started buying every book, even the totally unneccessary "collections" which were all the comics I already had in the other books. I started looking for Calvin and Hobbes stuff everywhere, and this was about the time the web was just starting, so I'd go to my sister's house and look up Calvin and Hobbes sites on Yahoo and be totally amazed at other people having websites and shit about it. The actual dream was completely retarded and not even about Calvin and Hobbes in any way, but I still remember it was just a panel with Hobbes standing on some church pew and saying "HE SCREWED MY WIFE!!!!!" which I think was actually from some commercial from a Julia Roberts movie that was out at that time. I saw it as some kind of amazing vision that I should really read Calvin and Hobbes again and what could this mean in my life? Perhaps something really important. Little did I know that it would turn out to be not important at all. 8( In fact it's embarrassing to think about it. Plus Hobbes wouldn't get married or have a wife cheat on him, because really he's just a stuffed toy. Calvin realized that when the pills his mom gave him started working and he started doing homework. :( I figured that somehow this would be a sign that I should write about amazing life and how this crazy experience could change my life from the sad lonely nerd apathy I had been, and I would write a book that would rise this country out of its decedant ambient state MORE THAN WILSON OR THOSE CRAPPY PEOPLE COULD EVER HOPE TO ACHIEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I kept a super secret notebook, like the ones I used to draw the dumb floating head comics in, tore out the pages of whatever was in there (probably passwords to Legend of the Mystical Ninja or some shit, those passwords never worked right anyway), and began writing about some day where I woke up for school and it was pitch black outside and I felt miserable but then I went to school and I felt better. I acted like my amazing in depth slice of life writing would be what would take me from sad loser with no friends or hobbies into a MULTI MILLIONARE LEGEND who became famous for writing at the tender age of 15 and I would be so famous for being a YOUNG GENIUS. I declared to myself and even family members that I was going to become a great writer (even though I didn't really do much writing aside from the occasional night I would stay up trying to write a life story taking place in the time span of one day I'd go to school and feel like shit but it was mysterious and dark in the morning as I went to school and ooooooo life is mysterious and tell me what is life without your love). A sister read my junk and said my writing had "great promise" which means it was boring but I was descriptive down to pointless details no one cares about (washing my hair in the sink before school, because I hadn't learned how to use shampoo yet). I remember declaring to moom that I would become a writer COME HELL OR HIGH WATER and that I had to and it was going to be what I would do with my life because if I didn't then I wouldn't know what to do and then I started crying. That was the first and last time I ever cried over not knowing what I wanted to do for a living. Plus I found out what I want to do for a living (nothing, COLLECT FREE WELFARE MONEY, which is I think what jso has settled on and he's stopped caring about jobs). About a year or two later the Calvin and Hobbes "obsession" (in sneer quotes, although it was an obsession, but it was pointless and kind of forced in my humble nods sagely opinion) was replaced by Rocko's Modern Life. Then I thought my life's purpose was to jump from obsession to obsession. And then about a year after that I stopped all that ridiculous shit. Then the internet came out and I could stop living in a retarded assburgers echo chamber, even if I started living in a gay fantasy world of *emotes* and *huggles*. But I think I already wrote about those days. :( About that time (really late 90s) Jso was trying to manifest destiny himself. He actually got a job, which I wouldn't do because I did not have the stones. He was going to Burger school for retards and being demoralized on a daily basis and having to deal with retards from high functioning to low, just because if you are some kind of social outcast or nerd or not actively social or whatever, they made up "assburgers disease" to diagnose those people not as the lowlives or losers that they are, but "high functioning autistics," and kids who like sugar and are not immediately obediant and thoughtful have ADD, and any non kid who likes sugar or is a fat fuck is a type 2 diabetic (type 2 diabetes is different from type 1 because type 1 diabetics need insulin, while type 2 diabetes is completely imaginary). Much like last night's wonderful episode of House where the cancer doctor (I mean, Wilson) considered diagnosing House with assburgers disease, but decided no that's stupid. Anyway Jiso was manifesting destiny, where he was going to try to activate one of our old dreams of becoming famous, which was to try stand up comedy. He saved up money and one night just ran out secretly and I guess got a cab to try some open mic or amateur hour comedy club that he looked up somehow. I didn't really know about it because it was his secret plan. Apparently people thought his stuff about moom was funny (he may have been on to something there, E.G. THIS LIVEJOURNAL PERHAPS?). After that his dreams were dashed against the rocks because people on the alt.games.final-fantasy newsgroup did not think he was funny and instead thought he was an evil sick fuckin troll destroying people's lives and fun. He wrote a sad note on the back of our bedroom door about how "I'm not funny and I never will be" blah blah and I thought that was unnecessary, but when I tried to throw it away it ended up on the door again. But then it was gone for good like a week later because we can only feel sorry for ourselves for so long before it just becomes boring and we'd rather forget about it all and play video games and jump into the screen to have adventures with Terra or Chrono or whatever gay shit. So we both got depressed over sad internet newsgroup rejection for a while, then went back and destroyed the newsgroup from top to bottom and high fived. So now our new life purpose is trolling, and sitting around playing video games and eating junk food all the time, and trolling some more. Probably no youthful fame going to be involved in that. :( It's too late to become a famous 15 year old voooonderkeend writer or psychic investigator (even with our psychic twin powwas). Also Jso found weed a few years ago and was totally addicted to that, and now he isn't because it makes him have panic attacks which is the same reason I stopped smoking the weed. On a more positive note, I hear that sasy's new form is that of a giant SLOAR!!!!!!!!!!! |
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