sasy journal! (all private entries):

January 4th, 2006
08:15 pm: dear god please protect mister sharon

January 2nd, 2006
02:52 am: http://www.geocities.com/gordongriggs/GingerBrookesRealdollPage.html :(

http://www.geocities.com/gordongriggs/brookemekelly.jpg

Why own a Realdoll?
( Read more... )

01:47 am: home from vaycay - SUCCESS!
resolutions for 2006

immediate SLUTTY ones:

make out with belladonna
make out with teagan presley
get slapped by ashley blue (also get autograph that says "you have the biggest taint i have ever seen. - love, ashley" for the bathroom)
get really wasted in vegas

amazing ones

uh get a 4.0 of course ~_~
sleep less (seriously like 14 hours a day lately)
run for student prez (and if i don't win DON'T GIVE UP)
go to russia
apply for scholarships (not the blowjob kind)
learn how to be gracious and how to bite my tongue and how to evade the law
stop throwing clothes on the DAMN FLOOR and maybe learning how to fold without the special folding kit my mom sent me
drink more water coz like i exist on black cherry kool-aid and miniature teddy grahams and popeyes (eating the pain away)

December 26th, 2005
03:39 am: im going on vacation and im excited and happy about pretty much a lot of shit

pinkston and i will be separated for the first time since his blessed unveiling. he's also going back to the cage coz he's getting to be a liability. he is cute but also destructive, coz he's a pet. anyway, my apartment is filled with cats, they eat all the goddamn time and sometimes they smell. otherwise they are nice to have around and even tiern can testify to the fact that mr mittens haha nee von doom looks adorable battling pinkston


for all you fencing fans, this months issue of hustler features a trashy hooters babe jacking it with a foil and a mask and a pull out poster of her with "let me see your sword!" and xoxo carlie.

uh so i noticed in die hard today that for some reason the idaho in me pronounces germanic "hans" like "hands" without the d and i mean, it's embarrasing, whatever. i got some bag balm at the store the other day for my lips and that shit is made for cow teats

i also used mane and tail like every other girl with a horse has. idahoan

uhhhng i hope i have fun on vacation. i think i will. vacation and then i come back hang out with my animals for two days and then vegas. got a polaroid camera and a tiny videocamera and MOST OF ALL I HAVE MY INTEGRITY!!!

when i go back i have to start aggressively campaigning for prez. i was thinking going to student groups and asking for their support, but most of them don't know me. i think it'll depend mostly on my presence as senator. maybe i'll set up a table near the park blocks or whatever. im afraid to run for student body president right now.

the other day i gave my number to this person and they emailed me saying they looked it up (weird huh) and that they found this thing about me and it was embarrassing and they learned my whole name and a lot of other details. i think that's sort of scary but i don't think i can do anything about it. it's scary because soon this guy is getting out of prison and his family are crazy, insane fuckups who are really rich and hate me because i sent their son to prison. the guy was my stepdad and i don't know, i'm worried about it, because it could affect my life or even just my livelihood.

uh i have very little time to do a lot of things like::

go to the tailors and have awards dress altered and dress shirts pressed w/light starch
go get a skirt (grey, black)
get a new phone (dropped mine in water, died)
get my nails done all fake and hookery. i bite them and have horrible vitamin deficiency because i only drink kool aid and they're almost white :( so im getting these short gel ones. after the awards show im taking them off and working on operation: vitamin.
make pinkston's cage comfortable

haha okay time to go to sleep little diary

December 23rd, 2005
01:42 am: events in my life that don't matter much to anyone, but still suck or make my life more interesting
good:

i got to rub a dimaggio, mantle, and bonds signed baseball (among others) and put the dimaggio and mantle one in my bra "for fun"
i saw dennis rodman's rookie card, and larry bird's, and michael jordan's- ALL SIGNED >:(
i got to hang out with a bunch of 1800's coins and touch a bunch of old stamps (really old ones)
i checked out some japanese .999 silver coins with pandas on them and compared them to dinky muddled american coins of the same silver nature

bad:

the rabbit that my mom took (mitts megahead), the one she fell in love with and promised to spoil forever and ever died.
he died a week after thanksgiving. my mom didn't tell me because it was during finals and she didn't want me to be stressed out. she didn't even tell me, she handed the phone to my grandmother after i asked how he was. my grandmother, when pressed, answers only in monosyllables, which is almost unbearable to deal with. now i feel like any grief i display is unnecessary and too delayed to matter.

the sickest part is after she told me she said "we kept the body because we didn't know what to do with it" and all i could think of was my little friend, who i entrusted to my mom, filled with maggots. the most upsetting part is after she told me he died she admitted that she kept him in the "heated" barn- away from family, away from all the things his brother got, in the cold and in the dark, in a hutch. my grandmother said "the vet said it might be a tumor" but i know they didn't take him to a vet, i bet he was scared by something in the dark. maybe it was too cold for him. whatever it is, i let him down and i'm so sorry.

livejournal stuff:

this is only second to when my father didn't tell me about my grandfather dying because it was "too hard" for my dad to get out in normal conversation. nobody else on my paternal side did either. they didn't want to upset me, so i found out almost six months later, just like finding out about my cousin's brain tumor or my uncle dying of aids. i'm not a little KID ANYMORE AND I UNDERSTAND THE CYCLE OF LIFE. once a stepdad shot one of my cats that i got from the Cat Adoption Team (cat) and then told my mom to tell me that he ran away. now that my mom hates that stepdad i get to hear tons of little stories like this, some of which i question the veracity of.

government stuff:

mary started talking to me about this totally heinous sign that someone had put up next to the giant-ass "merry christmas" sign in the window that mario somefaggot (his campaign theme was "vote for (pedro) mario!" and he wore a cowboy hat too), and eikum's fiance put up, along with a sign that pointed to a christmas tree and said "CHRISTMAS TREE!!! NOT HOLIDAY TREE!!!" which is in bad taste but still funny. anyway so she went on for like five minutes about how this awful sign which said "associated satanists of portland state university" was "just over the line of free speech" and how the person who wrote the sign was calling amanda and mario satanists but the joke on that dense bitch is that i was just practicing diversity. anyway she didn't know i did it and i didn't tell her.

bad:

man i am just so pissed about the rabbit, that is so fucking weak.


Current Music: ganksta nip
Tags: mitts megahead rip

December 19th, 2005
01:09 pm: in oregon no one can drive in snow, i guess, because it snowed and then it rained and now people are going 5mph and getting in accidents all the damn time. sitting here i have seen four accidents. i should get chains so i can mob 60. i was "mobbing" down to tiereny's yesterday and all of the sudden going down a curvy hill i did a 360. luckily nobody was on the hill because you "have" to have chains to get to my apartment. i regained control of the vehicle and on the way to tierns watched a hooker (in a tank top and acid washed jeans) slide down a hill in her truck and hit a very pretty benzo. the driver jumped out of the car in anger and she did too. i locked my doors because i always do when i see a pedestrian. you just can't trust pedestrians. i hate girls who dress slutty when its cold.

pinkston ate some mistletoe the other day. the day before he ate half a pill of my anticrazy. this is not near as interesting as when he ate hennessey, beer, or chewed half a cigarette, or even when he ate steak. he is strong, though, and i'm glad, because if i had to put him in a cage again i think we'd both just die. there's nothing better than waking up to a rabbit sitting on your stomach.

the other day i was wearing MY FUR and this dwarf gas station attendant snidely said "is that real fur?" and i said "do you want to pet it?" and he said "no thanks- i'm a vegan" and i said "oh, haha" but instead i was thinking his job compared to my job (wearing fur) as enabling (in the crudest sense of the word) atrocities to be committed WORLDWIDE upon teleological centers of life are not so different. that kind of hypocrisy makes me fuckin SICK

December 16th, 2005
02:38 am: wintry mix of misery
january fifth me and tierney leave for vegas. i suspect this is going to be the most indulgent time of 2006. to prepare for this i got us some self defense lessons. white man's martial arts. whatever, he said he could teach us to flip a guy over our back, and that could come in handy. probably mostly in drunken bets with porn stars.

the manx kitten keeps getting bigger. his name came to be mr mittens. i'm taking him and pinkston to idaho for chrismakwanzaakah. my mom got me a "photo shoot" with this photographer who did her horse shows. it's for the campaign. apparently i have to wear a contrasting solid color. i'm going with pearls, peach lip gloss, a white oxford, a grey cardigan, a black skirt, black chanel flats and a spunky pony tail. pinkston is going to be wearing a bomber jacket and a little striped scarf.

so i may get this job at headstart. they're supposed to pay but even if i don't get that one (i'm not qualified) i'm volunteering. you may say "cassandra, i think any influence you exert over illiterate youth will be negative, and will be to their detriment." i can't tell you the same thing doesn't run through my head every time i think about it. i think, though, this is one of the things you bullshit through until you actually feel confident.

tomorrow i'm waking up for breakfast with dana. WOW, BUTTS

UPDATE: bun!!!