Forum Overview :: Gamerasutra
 
Re: I disagree. by Nixon 05/28/2003, 6:51am PDT
I'm on it, and I will even give you points to emphasize what a lying cocksucker I am:

Enter the Matrix: The Manual : The review

If value and weight were commensurate, you would have a winner because the little shelf space friendly box of shit that is Matrix:Enter the Matrix:The game is packing four CD-ROMS and 48 page manual. Wow, impressive like that portends Moo3 levels of fun. And indeed it does!

Of course Warner Brothers owns the whole shebang and they’ve had Atari since 1980whatever. Still, Atari is the now the enemy. This is all the reason I need to fucking detest the French. Never mind the politics and the national post Dougal spirit of laissez faire that makes the rest of the world despise them, for me it was fucking up of my beloved Atari memories (as well as that fag sellout band). The company name that once stood for warm memories and American nostalgia IS FUCKING LYING TO YOU EVERY CHANCE THEY GET BECAUSE THEY FUCKING HATE YOU NOW. If Bush & co. want to smack around the French all I ask for is liberation of the Atari Logo.

From the EtM manual:

Processor: Intel PIII 800MHZ / AMD Duron 800MHZ (PIII 1.2 GHz / Athlon 1.2GHz recommended)

This is a sin that is not unique to this game. The way I see it you don’t “recommend” shit. It's your product, by definition all your printed words are recommendations. You tell me the hardware the game performs to your satisfaction on, the way you intended it to be presented. I (the public) then tell my buddies what I recommend they should use and visa versa. You tell us we need a PIII 1.2GHz class, if someone tries to install it on a PIII 800 and it runs okay, good for them. You know and I know that it will scrub, and this game needs all the fucking edge it can get.


Memory: 128MB RAM (256 MB RAM Recommended)

Good luck walmart crowd. Lying to children about why the game doesn’t work well is all class.


Hard Disk Space: 4.3 GB Free (7200 RPM or faster recommended)

Why you sick fucking pieces of shit. You are telling us that we don’t need to have much dirt cheap RAM but we ought to have 7200-10,000 RPM hard drives because you had a tricky time pre-loading the official Wachowski “making of the funding of the production of the movie while the game was also taken in consideration but not played because it is a piece of shit after all” special feature into RAM? Also: would it have fucking killed you to have included a DVD version of the game with a coupon that said, “DVD-ROMS cost $60.00 here is another dollar off our favorite unit, go get one.” They could have jumpstarted PC games on DVD but based on sales it was a marketing ploy they did not need to use.


CD-ROM Drive: 4X

Thanks for taking advantage of state of the art optical drive technology circa 1994.


Video: Nvidia Geforce 256/ ATI Radeon 8500

Whoever is out there playing this game on a PIII 800 with 128MB RAM and a Geforce 256 please let me know how much fun you are having. For the record I played it on a P4 2.8GHz, 1.5GB RAM, Radeon 9700pro system and I did not have much fun at all. Maybe if I get a couple of 10,000RPM SCSI or SAT drives and stripe them, perhaps then the fun will come.


Sound: Windows Compatible sound card*. (Sound Blaster Audigy 2 recommended)
*Indicates that device should be compatible with DirectX 9.0 (included) or higher.

Does anyone know what besides the Audigy cards are DX9 compatible? Me neither. I have the Audigy 2 part and my ass is not kicked. Much has been made about the hyper holographic EAX sound (Which according to the 1.52 patch, did not work until the 1.52 patch) of this game, mayhaps that kicks in later, at a point past my soul will not let me continue playing.


Direct X Version 9.0 (included)

But… you said all I needed was a geforce 256… Oh I get it… Audio.


The Enter the Matrix CD-ROM game requires the Windows Media Player 9 Series, Available at http://www.satanlovesyouandwantsyoutosignhisEULA.com

Motherfuckers.


Breakdown of your 48 page manual: Fifteen pages of game instructions including installation. Nine pages of credits and shouts to homeys, yo. Three pages of corporate contact and tech support advice. Ten pages of notebook paper, yes TEN pages of blanked lined paper that actually say “notes”. Seven pages of advertisements and product tie-ins. One toss off page and the publisher’s page.

Then there is this:
EtM manual wrote:

SPARKS
Sparks is the third Crewman of the Logos, serving as Niobe and Ghost’s operator during their missions into the Matrix. Sparks is a wild, brilliant hyperkinetic voice on the other end of the cell phone. You’ll be in constant touch with sparks as he relays key information and strategic advice.

Sparks is a whiny naysaying cunt. Sparks is the guy that constantly says helpful things like, “This is suicide man! Don’t go in there!” well we bought the game asshound of course we are going in there, how about some navigation or tactical advice? His constant advice is shit like, “oh god! Stop the elevator they are waiting for you!” only you can’t stop the elevator because it is a “cineractive” and so the entire fucking time he was leading you towards the trap. Sparks is one of the causes of my game preventing headaches.

But enough fun for me (thank god), I'll let you enjoy the splendor. The Karma engine is waiting for you to ENTAR!
PREVIOUS NEXT REPLY QUOTE
 
Anyone play Enter The Matrix yet? by FABIO 05/26/2003, 5:17am PDT NEW
    Ass Incarnate by Nixon 05/26/2003, 5:35am PDT NEW
        post 1.52 patch by Nixon 05/27/2003, 10:57pm PDT NEW
    The branded vending machine: sko sucky game alert? by Mood: Perplexed 05/26/2003, 3:49pm PDT NEW
        Not bad on XBox by Chunguo 05/26/2003, 8:35pm PDT NEW
            I disagree. by Nixon 05/27/2003, 12:10am PDT NEW
                why did they bother with a driving portion at all? by FABIO 05/27/2003, 3:32am PDT NEW
                    Re: why did they bother with a driving portion at all? by Nixon 05/27/2003, 4:09am PDT NEW
                        Rise of Nations by FABIO 05/27/2003, 4:13am PDT NEW
                            Re: Rise of Nations by Nixon 05/27/2003, 6:10am PDT NEW
                                Oh FINALLY. by Chairman Mao 05/27/2003, 2:23pm PDT NEW
                                    Rise of Nations by Chairman Mao 05/29/2003, 8:41pm PDT NEW
                                        Initially thought it was great, quickly turned to hatred NT by Senor Barborito 05/30/2003, 12:01am PDT NEW
                                            Re: Initially thought it was great, quickly turned to hatred by Moab 05/30/2003, 3:12am PDT NEW
                                                Fair enough by Senor Barborito 05/30/2003, 3:15am PDT NEW
                                                    Re: Fair enough by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/30/2003, 3:34am PDT NEW
                                                        Re: Fair enough by Chairman Mao 05/30/2003, 11:02am PDT NEW
                                                            for the record, chairman mao also loves Civ3 NT by FABIO 05/30/2003, 12:33pm PDT NEW
                                                                For the record, FABIO thinks that his opinion is the only one in the world. NT by Chairman Mao 05/30/2003, 12:46pm PDT NEW
                                                                    For the record, you're all alone on Civ 3 here NT by FABIO 05/30/2003, 2:01pm PDT NEW
                                                                        I know. NT by Chairman Mao 05/30/2003, 2:29pm PDT NEW
                        and the world asks, what the fuck are 'cineractives'? by Colonel K 05/27/2003, 11:48pm PDT NEW
                            It's a sobering reminder that Atari is now French. by Mood: Perplexed 05/28/2003, 2:46am PDT NEW
                Re: I disagree. by FABIO 05/27/2003, 10:07pm PDT NEW
                    Re: I disagree. by Nixon 05/27/2003, 11:15pm PDT NEW
                        Re: I disagree. by FABIO 05/28/2003, 5:42am PDT NEW
                            Re: I disagree. by Nixon 05/28/2003, 6:51am PDT NEW
                                on second thought by FABIO 05/28/2003, 6:23pm PDT NEW
                                    MGS/MGS2? by SBDMT 05/29/2003, 10:24pm PDT NEW
                                    It's your problem now. by Nixon 05/31/2003, 4:23pm PDT NEW
        Coke Is It! by Alternate789 05/27/2003, 3:48pm PDT NEW
    1 million other people have by Entropy Stew 05/27/2003, 6:18pm PDT NEW
 
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