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| Same ol' by Tony 05/12/2003, 8:32pm PDT | ||||
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| My moods vary in two ways: sharp, sudden turns, reversing as quickly as they occur, and more gradual movements over weeks and months. I'm in a bit of a trough right now. As usual, I've retreated from the world, losing interest in anything not pure entertainment, unwilling to endure the headaches and fear that accompany all of my physical/mental/social exertions. I stopped looking for apartments, avoided my online game, and ignored this journal for as long as was possible. Here are entries for *four* *days*.
Friday After leaving my case worker's office, I wandered the shopping center for a while, waiting for my father to pick me up (he had borrowed my car). The glances of the people walking by provoked a horrible fit of self-consciousness and self-loathing. I wanted to burrow into the pavement. On the bright side, it provided me with the impetus to resume my diet. It was only a passing attack as well; I had no problems when I went to rent DVDs a few hours later. Saturday Big shopping day. Bought a bathrobe and a gift voucher for my mother, gardener's hand scrub something whatever for my sister, and a cheap television for the living room. The last was an impulse buy. Retail therapy, etc. I had just reached the parking lot when my shopping cart tipped and dumped the TV on the ground. Carried it the rest of the way, panicking, convinced that I'd broken it, then pulled out and drove home at unwise speeds. Wanted to ram the speed-limit-doing cars in front of me. Had to get to my house *right away*. Felt the same way when I went back for an s-video cable an hour later. Felt only exhaustion when I returned DVDs that night. Sunday Horrible back pain. Barely able to move. (29" RCA TVs are heavy.) Rented DVDs, no problem. When my sister came by (Happy B-day, sis), she brought her boyfriend, and something amazing happened: I ate dinner and watched a couple of DVDs with them. I *always* skip dinner and hide in my bedroom until he leaves, but that evening I didn't feel the need. I even spoke to him a couple of times. Monday Did I do anything? I don't remember. Returned DVDs and bought some food I shouldn't buy. Nothing stands out. An unremarkable day. Mood: Weary Music: Creep - Love Seed Mama Jump |
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This forum will be my web journal by 04/30/2003, 10:07pm PDT  Cabaret Voltron is the forum of choice for E/N bullshit NT by 04/30/2003, 10:12pm PDT I choose this one NT by 04/30/2003, 10:16pm PDT Tony: Binro's real name. NT by 04/30/2003, 10:32pm PDT Binro prediction seconded by 05/01/2003, 11:48am PDT Get the pekket gun NT by 07/31/2003, 7:11pm PDT I don't understand most Binro references by 07/31/2003, 7:31pm PDT Like fucking hell up a dead donkey's ass it will by 05/01/2003, 6:09am PDT Asshole by 05/01/2003, 6:57am PDT Re: Asshole by 05/01/2003, 8:38am PDT Re: Asshole by 05/01/2003, 4:20pm PDT Anyway by 05/01/2003, 7:14am PDT Suggestion: buy gun instead of house. Kill self. NT by 05/01/2003, 11:48am PDT Alternatively, get a girlfriend. Kill her and then kill yourself. NT by 05/01/2003, 11:50am PDT AUGH! I broke the perfect vessel! *BLAM* NT by 05/01/2003, 12:01pm PDT Meh by 05/02/2003, 5:25am PDT Re: Meh by 05/02/2003, 7:21am PDT Sigh by 05/03/2003, 1:06am PDT Treading water by 05/03/2003, 9:34pm PDT Update: Drunk NT by 05/03/2003, 11:31pm PDT Whoops by 05/06/2003, 12:09pm PDT I have a headache by 05/07/2003, 10:00am PDT *pop* by 05/08/2003, 9:49am PDT Re: *pop* by 05/08/2003, 11:18am PDT Disregard above post. Sloppy mouseclick. by 05/08/2003, 11:20am PDT Same ol' by 05/12/2003, 8:32pm PDT Last night's dream by 07/10/2003, 4:05am PDT Re: Last night's dream by 07/13/2003, 10:08pm PDT My Harry Potter daydream by 07/31/2003, 6:58pm PDT My big adventure by 08/11/2003, 9:17pm PDT What's new with me by 08/22/2003, 12:20am PDT Re: What's new with me by 08/22/2003, 5:38am PDT Re: What's new with me by 08/22/2003, 6:54am PDT You're welcome NT NT by 08/22/2003, 8:58am PDT I like this guy by 05/01/2003, 3:10pm PDT You would. by 05/01/2003, 3:25pm PDT That was worth posting by 05/01/2003, 3:33pm PDT Re: That was worth posting by 05/01/2003, 3:36pm PDT Your deevolution is now complete NT by 05/01/2003, 3:40pm PDT Attention: You have been trolled by 05/01/2003, 3:49pm PDT No shit? by 05/01/2003, 3:57pm PDT But I'm a real Person. I"M REAL!!!! by 05/02/2003, 2:08am PDT Re: But I'm a real Person. I"M REAL!!!! by 05/02/2003, 1:13pm PDT :) by 05/02/2003, 6:45am PDT Re: :) by 05/02/2003, 8:19am PDT My guess: INC. by 05/02/2003, 8:23am PDT Wrong. Again. by 05/02/2003, 6:34pm PDT I think it's Spanky. No wait! ToutSuite. by 05/02/2003, 10:28am PDT I think its you. NT by 05/02/2003, 6:41pm PDT Why? by 05/12/2003, 8:55pm PDT Re: Why? by 05/13/2003, 6:16am PDT Re: Why? by 05/13/2003, 6:19am PDT Let's sit down for a second and really talk. by 05/13/2003, 6:58am PDT Nice try. But it still made you gay(er) to write it. NT by 05/13/2003, 5:17pm PDT Performance Art, without the performance. Or the art. by 05/13/2003, 8:09pm PDT Personal Disaster by 05/14/2003, 6:10pm PDT |
