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by Jerry Whorebach 05/17/2014, 2:05pm PDT |
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It's Tim Horton's birthday today and they're giving a free donut to everyone who remembers (HURRY YOU CAN STILL GET ONE), so since it was such a beautiful day AYWAY I decided to spend it walking to every Tim Hortons in a five mile radius. I took a shirt so I could meet the minimum requirements to order a donut but I obviously didn't wear it, not even when it started sprinkling a bit (ladies yell the nicest things when I glisten). My grid pattern brought me close enough to my building around lunch time so I decided to stop in for a cup of tea (the donuts aren't REALLY free if you let them sell you a beverage) and there was all this bizarre tribal shit spread out on the freecycle table, like some kind of cultural anthropologist or aggressively aboriginal guy decided to do some spring cleaning.
I've been pounding sugar-glazed birthday cake donuts all morning so there's no way I'm not picking up what looks like a five-foot tassled medicine pole and twirling it Gambit-style while I check out my Channing Tatum abs in the big hallway mirror. That's when the cap flies off and HOLY FUCK SPEAR. That was it, my day was over, nothing else was getting done until everything in my apartment had a hole rammed through it with my new four-inch metal bladed hole punch. Now I'm sitting here sipping Red Rose next to a Samsung LCD TV box with huge gaping wounds where its crudely drawn magic marker face and genitals used to be and I feel like a million bucks.
Happy birthday, Tim Horton! |
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I had a really bad day today, and it's only 11:40, it's not even lunch yet. by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/15/2014, 9:21am PDT 
Caltrops will now be known as TDARCOS' E/N Blog NT by WITTGENSTEIN 05/15/2014, 10:26am PDT
Learn how to open your own chocolate milk you fucking failure NT by Seriously 05/15/2014, 10:36am PDT
Re: Learn how to open your own chocolate milk you fucking failure by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/15/2014, 12:32pm PDT
Perhaps the problem lies not in the bottle! by MASTER STFU 05/15/2014, 3:14pm PDT
Re: Perhaps the problem lies not in the bottle! by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/15/2014, 7:40pm PDT
Re: Perhaps the problem lies not in the bottle! by Bradley Svedka. 05/15/2014, 8:00pm PDT
Don't forget to bring the McDonalds dude by to pull the trigger for you. 05/15/2014, 8:25pm PDT
How was it a bad morning? You got things done and indulged in by gluttonous fast food. 05/15/2014, 1:46pm PDT
It's the goddam annoyances by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/15/2014, 7:36pm PDT
Next time, bring your pliers. by Eurotrash 05/15/2014, 10:54pm PDT
Re: Next time, bring your pliers. by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/17/2014, 2:47am PDT
White guilt. Paul has it. by Eurotrash 05/17/2014, 5:53am PDT
Also you can just call me EuroKramer from now on. NT by EuroKramer 05/17/2014, 8:56am PDT
So Elaine, WHAT'S THE DEAL with EuroKramer's new job at the NBA? by (plays laugh track) 05/18/2014, 1:24am PDT
Helloooooo... cretinous reprobate NT by (sour look, more laugh track) 05/18/2014, 8:44am PDT
Jesus fucking christ by The Happiness Engine 05/16/2014, 4:45pm PDT
Re: Jesus fucking christ by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/17/2014, 2:40am PDT
I'd understand if you were having trouble trying to pop the cork on a Korbel NT by but chocolate milk is for babies 05/17/2014, 10:31am PDT
I'm having breakfast, That usually involves milk. Why would I trink Korbel? NT by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/18/2014, 9:58am PDT
What kind of nutcase drinks booze at breakfast? Besides, I'm a teetotaler NT by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/18/2014, 9:59am PDT
Bullshit. Adults drink chocolate milk all the time. Stop being asshole & wise up NT by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/18/2014, 10:09am PDT
Harden the fuck up, you big baby. I demand drunk cooking vid. NT by EuroKramer 05/18/2014, 12:02pm PDT
"opportunity because there was enough time." by Enough Time 05/20/2014, 1:05pm PDT
"there is literally nothing going on in my life outside of work" NT by Not Enough Time 05/20/2014, 1:12pm PDT
Re: "opportunity because there was enough time." by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 05/20/2014, 1:25pm PDT
Re: Jesus fucking christ by comrade tacos 05/17/2014, 6:05am PDT
Meanwhile, I am having a great day. by Jerry Whorebach 05/17/2014, 2:05pm PDT
Six Tims later, I have learned so much. by Jerry Whorebach 05/17/2014, 3:55pm PDT
Your day was so infectiously amazing that I had to draw it by Entropy Stew 05/18/2014, 2:46pm PDT
This is my new desktop wallpaper. NT by Jerry Whorebach 05/18/2014, 4:40pm PDT
(happy smiley) by Entropy Stew 05/18/2014, 4:50pm PDT
Anubis weighs the donuts to determine who is worthy to enter by The Realm of the Double Double 05/18/2014, 8:15pm PDT
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