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speaking of metaphors by FABIO 02/26/2005, 11:45pm PST
from this month's Game Informer review of Shining Tears

Game Informer wrote:

The plot of Shining Tears is, as Mr. T would say, simply a bunch of jibba jabba, filled with more cliches and stilted dialogue than an episode of Full House.


later fights throw so many hordes of enemies at you you'll feel like you're trying to fight your way out of a crowd at a Color Me Badd concert.



and in the very next sentence
After a while, the combat can get as stale as MC Hammer's career (does half their audience even know who MC Hammer is? -FAB)


With repetitive combat and a plot thinner than Tracey Gold



Keep in mind this is from a review taking up all of half a page.

I'd say subtracting a point or two from most of the reviews to get the actual score is about right. To their credit they're the only professional reviewers I know of that rightfully called Crystal Chronicles on the suckage (yet still gave it a 7, so just subtract 2). The high profile titles are a different story though; you simply can't trust a word of them (Metal Gear Solid 3: a 9.5 masterpiece, etc.). They also fall prey to the professional review trend of writing how much Xenogears 2 sucks ("this game is a dropped ball of Devil May Cry 2 proportions") and then going on to give a score of 7.75.

The humor is about Maxim level, which is to say it's bad, but not wrist slittingly Coconut Monkey bad, and it still trumps anything ever written by a Mysterio.
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French sites post magazine article scans for Sega Xbox2 game, "The Condemned." by Motherhead 02/24/2005, 2:21pm PST NEW
    More specifically a Monolith game, published by Sega. by Fussbett 02/24/2005, 4:28pm PST NEW
    Pick up this month's AMERICAN Game Informer for better coverage by FABIO 02/25/2005, 3:59pm PST NEW
        OKAY! by Motherhead 02/26/2005, 4:21am PST NEW
            Re: OKAY! by FABIO 02/26/2005, 4:29am PST NEW
            blabla GAYme Informer by bombMexico 02/26/2005, 4:30am PST NEW
                Re: blabla GAYme Informer by Lizard_King 02/26/2005, 8:34am PST NEW
                    you pay for it? NT by FABIO 02/26/2005, 1:05pm PST NEW
                        No by Lizard_King 02/26/2005, 10:43pm PST NEW
                            Re: No by Fullofkittens 02/27/2005, 1:10pm PST NEW
                    Fabios intimation is correct. You are gay by bombMexico 02/26/2005, 1:33pm PST NEW
                        Tragically by Lizard_King 02/26/2005, 10:57pm PST NEW
                            speaking of metaphors by FABIO 02/26/2005, 11:45pm PST NEW
                                Re: speaking of metaphors by bombMexico 02/27/2005, 3:23am PST NEW
                                    I HATE THIS MAGAZINE... by Choson 02/27/2005, 5:39am PST NEW
                                    Re: speaking of metaphors by FABIO 02/27/2005, 6:42pm PST NEW
                                        I will treasure this moment. by Lizard_King 02/27/2005, 7:30pm PST NEW
                                            OH SNAP! NT by Mischief Maker 02/27/2005, 7:40pm PST NEW
                                        Re: speaking of metaphors by bombMexico 02/27/2005, 11:46pm PST NEW
                                Re: speaking of metaphors by Lizard_King 02/27/2005, 9:25am PST NEW
                                Re: speaking of metaphors by Bill Dungsroman 02/28/2005, 12:40am PST NEW
    I see lots of zombies with pipes. by Arbit 02/26/2005, 6:40pm PST NEW
        yeah? NT by FABIO 02/26/2005, 9:18pm PST NEW
 
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