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by Quétinbec 08/05/2009, 4:51pm PDT |
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up with pod people wrote:
here are things that should be choreographed:
- train schedules
- ballet recitals
- matriculations
note that sex is not on the list. you are spending so much time on your pre-emptive defense and Five Precise Positions that you miss the entire point of sex: everybody has a good time. you should be having so much fun you don't notice what goddamn time it is. and yet I cannot even argue with this course of action because with you bad sex is a virtual guarantee.
I go into a fuck with a game plan but I'm not forcing it on anyone or following it to the letter. I'm prepared. Guys fuck; girls get fucked. We're in the driver's seat and that responsibility requires a bit of preparation whether you realize it or not. If she, AS A PASSENGER, has any better ideas, I'm open to them, but guess what? 90% of girls don't have a fucking clue. Whores included. You included. You tweedle your cunt and think you know what's up but you don't know shit. The best men can hope for is for women to provide honest real time pleasure level feedback, but apparently American bitches don't even have the decency to communicate when a fuck isn't working out. You'd rather write it off with a fake orgasm and move on to the next guy. Disgusting. And you, who as a girl, can never fuck anyone, come in here and criticize the way I fuck based on my fuck length and my occasional desire for a girl to be motionless? Your best advice as an armchair critic is, "Let things come natuarally and don't fuck her for too long." Bitch, that's the first thing anyone learns. I don't appreciate you taking me back to square one and pretending I've somehow missed those fundamentals. I've built on those fundamentals. I've created a system of sex that isn't fantastic, but is rock solid. I'm totally comfortable with it and it gets girls off 90% of time. If it sounds overly mechanical to you, that's only because you have no fucking idea of the mechanics involved.
You misrepresent me to a group of bitches who quote Sex and the City a dozen times and then act like that's supposed to be a slap in my face. I've fucked girls of all colours, races, sizes, and sanities all over the world and I will fuck plenty more. You've been fucked by a score of Americans you admit to deceiving. Leave the fuck planning to me and lie back and practice your groaning.
up with pod people wrote:
you are so out of your little-league here it's a little hard to see where to start. a woman stupid enough to fuck you more than once will try multiple tactics: she will try suggestions, she will try faking to bolster that frightfully obvious insecurity of yours, she will try faking to MAKE IT STOP, she will try bitching.
Girls tell me outright if it's not working, and if they're not comfortable enough to be honest freely, I bait it out of them by bringing up the subject and insulting them.
I show a normal level of insecurity about my fucks. I take comfort in past successes, the size of my dick, and my ability to cum on demand. |
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Another biking thread. (cycling) by Zsenitan 08/28/2008, 5:17pm PDT 
Lactic Acid. Unless you're stopping to milk yourself while watching the porno. NT by Mischief Maker 08/28/2008, 5:30pm PDT 
FACT CHECK: you are wrong and I am right. NT by Zsenitan, factually 08/28/2008, 5:54pm PDT 
FACT CHECK: I told a joke, you wrote a TO DO: list like sko. Creexul monster NT by Mischief Maker 08/28/2008, 6:14pm PDT 
FACT CHECK: you are yet another bitch incorrectly correcting me. NT by Zsenitan fucking checks your facts 08/28/2008, 6:20pm PDT 
Zseni calls off engagement, throws ring in MM's face, needle drags across record NT by Last 08/28/2008, 8:56pm PDT 
She's one special wacko chick. by Mischief Maker 08/28/2008, 9:03pm PDT 
Awwwww that was cute! Is the rest of the movie that cute? NT by Zsenitan 08/29/2008, 6:25pm PDT 
The rest of the movie is Sherilyn Fenn fucking and being naked, so yes NT by I need clarification 08/29/2008, 7:27pm PDT 
If you're hitting your physical limit you've had a good day of exercise, sheesh. by Fussbett 08/28/2008, 6:34pm PDT 
MY ONLY PHYSICAL LIMIT IS PANT SIZE AND EVEN THAT IS..... BUSTED by Zsenitan 08/28/2008, 7:49pm PDT 
I would leave it at 2 miles a day but I'm not a big fat lardass. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 08/28/2008, 7:59pm PDT 
I hate to be this guy, but by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/29/2008, 2:07am PDT 
This was to Zseni, not Creex. NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/29/2008, 2:08am PDT 
Why does fixed gear make you faster/stronger than just using higest gear only? by Fussbett 07/30/2009, 10:00pm PDT 
That's what the little bell on your handlebar is for. NT by Jerry Whorebach 07/30/2009, 10:24pm PDT 
Also: the little horn on the other handlebar. NT by Fullofkittens 07/31/2009, 9:29am PDT 
Does Toronto have hills? I think you need some hills. NT by Bunyip 07/30/2009, 11:00pm PDT 
Running feels like biking up a hill, this is true. NT by Fussbett 07/31/2009, 4:16pm PDT 
I dunno, it always seemed suspect to me. The only advantage is not having derail by Zsenitan 07/30/2009, 11:05pm PDT 
Jso and I used to ride our bikes a ton. :( by Creexuls, a monster >:3 07/30/2009, 11:34pm PDT 
I'm using biking to break up running, so I obviously like it well enough by Fussbett 07/31/2009, 12:47pm PDT 
Are you fucking with me, or perhaps these distinctions are academic? by Zsenitan 07/31/2009, 1:55pm PDT 
An Ass Bra and Titanium Ankles: NT by The Zseni Story 07/31/2009, 2:25pm PDT 
You really burned her! She walked right into that one. NT by An Idiot 07/31/2009, 3:03pm PDT 
I'm talking about exercise. by Fussbett 07/31/2009, 4:11pm PDT 
Oh sorry, I missed the brief. "Heh, yours is bigger." NT by Zsenitan 07/31/2009, 5:06pm PDT 
Don't they have sports in Toronto? Make your work play. NT by Quétinbec 07/31/2009, 6:15pm PDT 
I assume you're talking to me as she doesn't live in Toronto. by Fussbett 07/31/2009, 8:32pm PDT 
Re: I assume you're talking to me as she doesn't live in Toronto. by Quétinbec 08/01/2009, 12:09am PDT 
Finally, something you're better at: basketball. Congrats on using your height. by Fussbett 08/01/2009, 2:48am PDT 
Few doubt I'd be better at most things. by Quétinbec 08/01/2009, 5:18pm PDT 
Constant crying isn't a trademark of people who win a lot. by Fussbett 08/01/2009, 9:49pm PDT 
I'd cry more if I felt maturity required jogs around your smoggy block. by Quétinbec 08/02/2009, 12:26am PDT 
Not doubting you can always cry more! by Fussbett 08/02/2009, 11:01am PDT 
It's the price I pay for getting to smile more than 12 y/o's. by Quétinbec 08/02/2009, 5:10pm PDT 
Re: It's the price I pay for getting to smile more than 12 y/o's. by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/02/2009, 6:32pm PDT 
Your crying/smiling/hunching calibrations must be intricate. by Fussbett 08/03/2009, 2:38am PDT 
They're spot on. I've got all this shit figured out. by Quétinbec 08/03/2009, 5:27pm PDT 
FALLACY: an endless fuck is a good fuck by up with pod people 08/03/2009, 8:00pm PDT 
Endless and don't forget motionless. Just rhythmic pumping for 30 minutes. NT by Quétinbot 08/03/2009, 10:38pm PDT 
TRUTH: a 30 minute fuck is a thorough fuck by Quétinbec 08/04/2009, 3:41am PDT 
thorough?? oh man by up with pod people 08/04/2009, 8:22am PDT 
Goddamn I love this thread. NT by Last 08/04/2009, 10:17am PDT 
To be fair to QB, listening to a woman for any kind of relationship advice is NT by the worst possible thing you can do 08/04/2009, 12:22pm PDT 
Re: thorough?? oh man by Eurotrash 08/04/2009, 12:23pm PDT 
apples to oranges by up with pod people 08/04/2009, 12:49pm PDT 
lol by Eurotrash 08/05/2009, 11:30pm PDT 
Re: thorough?? oh man by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/04/2009, 12:39pm PDT 
I was more expecting "they're Americans! or white! or LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU" NT by up with pod people 08/04/2009, 12:47pm PDT 
Paint? You can't paint a thatch hut! by Quétinbot 08/04/2009, 1:07pm PDT 
I don't need to be told how to fuck a girl. That's my science. by Quétinbec 08/04/2009, 5:05pm PDT 
Re: I don't need to be told how to fuck a girl. That's my science. by up with pod people 08/04/2009, 7:30pm PDT 
You're NT by Zseni 08/04/2009, 7:42pm PDT 
actually no, but she carved me a new asshole in like 2002 and I named it after h NT by up with pod people 08/04/2009, 7:50pm PDT 
I think everyone's missing the point, here by That's what I think 08/04/2009, 9:42pm PDT 
Re: I think everyone's missing the point, here by Quétinbec 08/05/2009, 4:58pm PDT 
Understand that you've never fucked somebody. You've only BEEN fucked. by Quétinbec 08/05/2009, 4:51pm PDT 
Re: Understand that you've never fucked somebody. You've only BEEN fucked. by Zsenitan 08/05/2009, 4:58pm PDT 
Holy control issues! NT by Socio-bot 08/05/2009, 11:11pm PDT 
that's more like it! I thought we were going to indent forever. by up with pod people 08/06/2009, 7:29am PDT 
INFINITE POST LINK NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 08/06/2009, 8:02am PDT 
I've had girls direct my fucks entirely. by Quétinbec 08/06/2009, 4:09pm PDT 
Oh yeah me too no doubt about it absolutely. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 08/06/2009, 4:15pm PDT 
What the fuck is this "she's waiting for gravity" shit NT by 9.8 meters per second per second 08/06/2009, 9:11pm PDT 
Re: TRUTH: a 30 minute fuck is a thorough fuck by You're full of shit again! 08/04/2009, 10:56am PDT 
I don't need to be told how Asians fuck. I've fucked my share. by Quétinbec 08/04/2009, 5:12pm PDT 
You really got me there by You're full of shit again! 08/04/2009, 5:36pm PDT 
It's Chosen, my cowardly anonymous friend! by Quétinbec 08/05/2009, 5:10pm PDT 
Haha "wank." by Creexuls, a monster >:3 08/05/2009, 5:11pm PDT 
Re: It's Chosen, my cowardly anonymous friend! by I need clarification 08/05/2009, 10:28pm PDT 
Re: It's Chosen, my cowardly anonymous friend! by Quétinbec 08/06/2009, 4:18pm PDT 
Caltrops's inevitable circumcision thread should really be its own topic. NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 08/06/2009, 5:14pm PDT 
It feels better when you're cut, and it's healthier. What's your damage? NT by Devil Dinosaur 08/06/2009, 10:21pm PDT 
Re: It feels better when you're cut, and it's healthier. What's your damage? by H1N1 08/06/2009, 11:23pm PDT 
CIRCUMCISION DECISION NT by Fussbett 08/07/2009, 7:25am PDT 
What's your incision? by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/07/2009, 8:08am PDT 
Decreases blood-borne pathogen transmission rates. NT by Science 08/07/2009, 8:38am PDT 
Cut it off entirely and reduce it to zero! NT by Technology 08/07/2009, 9:54am PDT 
If only he'd do that. by Science 08/07/2009, 11:04am PDT 
What, and just open the floor to crying catheter stories? NT by Now you're crossing your legs 08/07/2009, 11:11am PDT 
Touché NT by Science 08/07/2009, 12:22pm PDT 
Re: It's Chosen, my cowardly anonymous friend! by I need clarification 08/06/2009, 6:49pm PDT 
Re: It's Chosen, my cowardly anonymous friend! by Quétinbec 08/07/2009, 3:33pm PDT 
Re: It's Chosen, my cowardly anonymous friend! by I need clarification 08/07/2009, 6:21pm PDT 
This is the second time I've inadvertently disagreed with QB detractors! by Fuck me! 08/05/2009, 6:27pm PDT 
Re: This is the second time I've inadvertently disagreed with QB detractors! by I need clarification 08/05/2009, 10:29pm PDT 
Thanks for sharing YOUR fantasy though NT by Quétinbec's Shitty Retort Report 08/04/2009, 7:17pm PDT 
Re: TRUTH: a 30 minute fuck is a thorough fuck by Ryan Paul 08/22/2012, 1:09pm PDT 
You really took me to task for SF4. I should've never revealed I like video gam by Fussbett 08/05/2009, 5:49pm PDT 
It's life lesson time for Fussbett. by Quétinbec 08/06/2009, 5:02pm PDT 
For my next trick, I will start a land war in Asia. NT by Quétinbec 08/06/2009, 5:09pm PDT 
You have admit, he has a point by I need clarification 08/06/2009, 6:10pm PDT 
New Zealand's Paris Hilton! Except you'll run out of money. by Fussbett 08/06/2009, 9:58pm PDT 
This thread needs a link on the front page NT by Fortinbras 08/07/2009, 2:03am PDT 
It needs to be released in book form like The Great Outdoor Fight NT by Fullofkittens 08/07/2009, 4:07am PDT 
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Queerness NT by Hans Clastorp 08/07/2009, 12:17pm PDT 
Haha, awesome. NT by Fullofkittens 08/08/2009, 6:39pm PDT 
Working in the name of by Quétinbec 08/07/2009, 3:30pm PDT 
Grandma did you enjoy a 30 minute fuck from Grandpa? Would you like one now? NT by Quétinbec at his Grandma's 08/07/2009, 3:59pm PDT 
Hey guys, "bathe in the sea" QB is back by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/07/2009, 4:13pm PDT 
Your estimated net worth is not relative to the society you're in but the world by Karl Marx 08/07/2009, 4:46pm PDT 
Check it out! by Fussbett 08/07/2009, 9:05pm PDT 
Haha. I fought hard against mentioning "HVAC products", but lost. NT by Fussbett 08/07/2009, 11:43pm PDT 
I knew Karl Marx would agree with me. by Fussbett 08/08/2009, 1:05am PDT 
The Colonel Kurtz crack was a bit of a low blow, I thought. Jesus!! NT by Souffle of Pain 08/08/2009, 1:42am PDT 
In trying to distance himself from society, Fussbett's said some embarassing thi by Quétinbec 08/12/2009, 2:51am PDT 
Re: In trying to distance himself from society, Fussbett's said some embarassing by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/12/2009, 5:14am PDT 
mffe, leave the arguing to the big boys, you pest by Caltrops Adjudicator 08/12/2009, 8:25am PDT 
Overruled (gavel bang). The witness will answer. NT by Judge Fortinbras 08/12/2009, 3:03pm PDT 
Who are you again? Are you a Jolt Country guy? NT by Caltrops Adjudicator 08/12/2009, 5:50pm PDT 
You caught me. I'm... NT by Worm. 08/12/2009, 10:04pm PDT 
Only after hours of firing into the ceiling is this revealed. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 08/12/2009, 11:39pm PDT 
MFFE, if people don't like you, we can't risk being seen together. Sorry. NT by Quétinbec 08/12/2009, 2:42pm PDT 
What a dick thing to say. by Zsenitan 08/12/2009, 2:46pm PDT 
Fuck! The last update seems to be stripping "NSFW" from titles. Sorry, gang NT by Caltrops Admins 08/12/2009, 7:54pm PDT 
Please don't grovel! NT by Your Mum 08/12/2009, 7:40am PDT 
...when you can GAVEL! NT by Caltrops Adjudicator 08/12/2009, 3:17pm PDT 
I'm going to start keeping these brief. by Fussbett 08/12/2009, 2:59pm PDT 
He's been undressed by kings by Bunyip 08/09/2009, 6:39pm PDT 
Hey my name's in this one. by Jerry Whorebach, leading navelgazer 08/02/2009, 6:36pm PDT 
This Jerry post works as a response to every post on this thread! NT by Mr. Helper 08/08/2009, 2:45pm PDT 
Another Williamsburg connection to QB by FABIO 08/02/2009, 9:28pm PDT 
Tales of old Brooklyn by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/02/2009, 11:03pm PDT 
ymca NT by gruman 08/01/2009, 10:30pm PDT 
So we're just letting the "too scared to play charades" line go, then? NT by Faggot Patrol 08/04/2009, 9:59am PDT 
Re: I assume you're talking to me as she doesn't live in Toronto. by I need clarification 08/04/2009, 2:13pm PDT 
It's a lecture on the perils of team sports by an overweight 40 y/o. by Quétinbec 08/04/2009, 5:51pm PDT 
Re: It's a lecture on the perils of team sports by an overweight 40 y/o. by Statistician 08/04/2009, 6:10pm PDT 
Having a kid = no risk and other lectures from our banker friend by I need clarification 08/04/2009, 6:40pm PDT 
Gestated. NT by Irene Wong 08/04/2009, 6:45pm PDT 
Haha NT by Fullofkittens 08/04/2009, 7:05pm PDT 
Whoah whoah, slow down by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/04/2009, 10:42pm PDT 
Re: Having a kid = no risk and other lectures from our banker friend by Quétinbec 08/05/2009, 5:25pm PDT 
Re: Having a kid = no risk and other lectures from our banker friend by That's what I think 08/05/2009, 10:26pm PDT 
Oops, it turns out it wasn't Choson after all! NT by I need clarification 08/05/2009, 10:27pm PDT 
chosen NT by gruman 08/05/2009, 11:11pm PDT 
Re: Having a kid = no risk and other lectures from our banker friend by Mischief Maker 08/12/2009, 7:51am PDT 
You guys are way out of line with these crying remarks. by Quétinbec 08/12/2009, 2:40pm PDT 
Re: You guys are way out of line with these crying remarks. by Horrible Gelatinous Blob 08/12/2009, 3:37pm PDT 
Re: You guys are way out of line with these crying remarks. by Mischief Maker 08/12/2009, 9:28pm PDT 
Re: I'm talking about exercise. by Eurotrash 08/02/2009, 11:49pm PDT 
Angel Summoner & BMX Bandit by Zsenitan 08/02/2009, 11:59pm PDT 
Poor BMX Bandit, replaced by a fucking (w)horse bitch. Schugar lumps. :( NT by Eurotrash 08/03/2009, 1:39am PDT 
A young Rorschach. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 08/03/2009, 5:45am PDT 
Great Britain needs to knock it off with the laugh tracks NT by Entropy Stew 08/03/2009, 10:16am PDT 
lol by Eurotrash 08/03/2009, 11:59am PDT 
Sounds like you went into Curbside? by mark 07/31/2009, 8:06am PDT 
Re: Sounds like you went into Curbside? by motherfuckerfoodeater 07/31/2009, 11:00am PDT 
Re: Sounds like you went into Curbside? by mark 07/31/2009, 11:58am PDT 
Re: Sounds like you went into Curbside? by Fussbett 07/31/2009, 12:12pm PDT 
I'm going to reply to both of you here: by motherfuckerfoodeater 07/31/2009, 1:03pm PDT 
"your top speed gets a tremendous boost." <-- still not seeing this by Fussbett 07/31/2009, 4:22pm PDT 
Read the sentence you quoted again. by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/02/2009, 6:30pm PDT 
Oh, you're saying the top speed boost is just from improved leg strength. by Fussbett 08/03/2009, 12:49am PDT 
>:( NT by Entropy Stew 08/03/2009, 10:19am PDT 
No, the seemingly innocuous Broadway Cycle on Bloor by Fussbett 07/31/2009, 12:23pm PDT 
Re: No, the seemingly innocuous Broadway Cycle on Bloor by mark 07/31/2009, 1:53pm PDT 
Would you describe those bike store workers as hipsters? NT by FABIO 07/31/2009, 12:35pm PDT 
I would NT by Fussbett 07/31/2009, 12:48pm PDT 
Does Master of Magic work well in DOSbox? NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 08/30/2008, 7:41pm PDT 
I just fiddle with the memory settings and run it nekkid by Zsenitan 08/31/2008, 8:31am PDT 
SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO >:( by E. L. Koba 09/01/2008, 12:32pm PDT 
EEEE TROLLS by Zsenitan 09/02/2008, 3:29pm PDT 
I found the instruction manual to this! by Ice Cream Jonsey 08/09/2009, 6:09pm PDT 
I swear it's one of the best games ever by Entropy Stew 08/10/2009, 8:11am PDT 
Runs great for me. MIDI music + SBLiveII sound ran on the default settings NT by Entropy Stew 09/01/2008, 3:08pm PDT 
Use DFEND reloaded - it runs great by McMoo 08/06/2009, 3:49pm PDT 
Re: Use DFEND reloaded - it runs great by Caltrops Help Desk 08/09/2009, 12:28am PDT 
Re: Another biking thread. (cycling) by Quétinbec 08/31/2008, 12:54am PDT 
PS: Get out of Canada NT by loser 08/31/2008, 1:34am PDT 
thats ALWAYS good advice :D NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 08/31/2008, 4:44am PDT 
Re: Another biking thread. (cycling) by Zsenitan 08/31/2008, 8:29am PDT 
Re: Another biking thread. (cycling) by Quétinbec 09/01/2008, 5:01am PDT 
By sports you mean - what exactly? MMA or soccer, you cringing faggot? by Zsenitan 09/01/2008, 7:42pm PDT 
Why not combine the two? And call it... RUGBUM NT by Jerry Whorebach 09/01/2008, 10:45pm PDT 
I am the most feared Caltrops poster of 2010 - 2020 NT by Jim Rice 08/01/2009, 1:59pm PDT 
Whoa, how the fuck did this end up here? by Ice Cream Jonsey 08/04/2009, 3:44pm PDT 
This thread has had a lot of highlights by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/04/2009, 3:46pm PDT 
Shit cyclists say by fabio 08/12/2012, 4:45pm PDT 
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