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by Zseni 03/27/2007, 4:41pm PDT |
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I went to school with guys like this. They can't imagine NOT being in school, so everything is an intellectual exercise for them.
This is a great story to go hand in hand with this bit about how, you know, not everyone who asks you for money really needs it.
I resent the intense dishonesty of these columnists - they want to not give money to poor people, but they want their motivations to be pure. So they invent crazy backstories of fraud, waste, and greed, then impute them onto live human beings in their vicinity. Fanfic gone wild!
It's very simple, guys. You want to not give money to poor people because mojitos and iPods are expensive. You are hoarding your wealth for your own personal use. OR better yet you would like to do good but it's so hard to find original ways to do it. I mean everyone gives to Amnesty International or Doctors Without Borders - what makes you stand out in the department cocktail party is not a list of receipts, but a good story. And you are too stupid to just make one up.
HERE ARE THE ONLY THREE REASONS NOT TO GIVE TO BIG FAT FUCKIN CHARITIES ALL OVER THE PLACE:
1. You like money and stuff and you want to have money and stuff. For yourself.
Actually that's the only reason. Why is that reason so wrong? I mean we live in a world where old-wood forests are being consumed by Frontgate and West End quarterly catalogs, plus the Honeybaked Ham Christmas supplement, and nobody wants to fess up that no, they are not giving to charity, because they like having money and stuff for themselves. So we get these painful dances, as universal in the upper middle class today as the minuet in the court of Charles II - people with quite a lot of money and stuff, ashamed to be caught enjoying it, and still not giving any money to charities. Because, you know, some of those people can't be trusted! |
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I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Zseni 03/27/2007, 4:41pm PDT 
Rich people justify not giving away their money. by Now what? 03/27/2007, 5:27pm PDT
so anime artists are rich? NT by FABIO 03/27/2007, 5:54pm PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Mischief Maker 03/27/2007, 6:26pm PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Zseni 03/28/2007, 6:07am PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Mischief Maker 03/28/2007, 8:28am PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Zseni 03/28/2007, 9:32pm PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/29/2007, 6:40am PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Zseni 03/29/2007, 11:29am PDT
Whatever, who even gives money to charity? SOUNDS GAY NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/29/2007, 11:48am PDT
The Gayness is irrelevant. Stop dodging the real issue. NT by Mischief Maker 03/29/2007, 12:51pm PDT
No. :3 NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/29/2007, 12:54pm PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by ghost of spanky 03/29/2007, 1:44pm PDT
what about those who think they can help more by focusing on building a business NT by Carlos Slim 03/29/2007, 4:09pm PDT
What is this, amateur hour? by Zseni 03/29/2007, 4:36pm PDT
that was the excuse given by the world's third richest man, Carlos slim NT by forbes magazine 03/29/2007, 5:51pm PDT
WELL HE'S NOT WELCOME HERE IF HE'S GOING TO POST LIKE A NUB. NT by Zseni 03/29/2007, 6:00pm PDT
Kids in Delhi smash their heads against taxi windows until you give by Quentin Beck 03/29/2007, 8:53pm PDT
Re: Kids in Delhi smash their heads against taxi windows until you give by Zseni 03/30/2007, 11:29am PDT
i gave already (to needy people in my own family), that's a good reason by co2 03/30/2007, 12:00pm PDT
Hey I'm needy, anyone got a spare Xbox 360? NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/30/2007, 1:55pm PDT
Sure, post your home address and I'll send it today. NT by A Fan 03/30/2007, 5:18pm PDT
Whoa, deja vu NT by laudablepuss 03/30/2007, 5:28pm PDT
IT HAPPENS WHEN THEY CHANGE SOMETHING IN THE MATRIX o_______o NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/30/2007, 7:11pm PDT
Look, just call your dad and tell him you are angry and have issues to work out. by Frontgate 03/30/2007, 12:58pm PDT
Egg on her face by Zseni's shame 03/29/2007, 11:11pm PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Ray of Light Presents 03/28/2007, 12:05pm PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Fussbett 03/29/2007, 9:18pm PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Zseni 03/30/2007, 11:30am PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Fussbett 03/30/2007, 2:15pm PDT
Re: I would give you money, but first I must temporalize. by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/28/2007, 6:24am PDT
yeah, why use old growth for anything other than houses and good furniture? NT by co2 03/28/2007, 9:23am PDT
She may have meant the contents of those catalogs, not the actual pages. NT by Worm 03/28/2007, 9:36am PDT
except she included the 'Honeybaked Ham Christmas supplement' by co2 03/28/2007, 9:45am PDT
Re: She may have meant the contents of those catalogs, not the actual pages. by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/28/2007, 10:45am PDT
The catalogs are of furniture. Furntiture is the content of the catalog. NT by Worm 03/28/2007, 10:50am PDT
That is to say, they are furniture catalogs. NT by Worm 03/28/2007, 10:52am PDT
And hams. NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/28/2007, 11:36am PDT
Yeah, I don't get the ham part either. by Worm 03/28/2007, 12:07pm PDT
Here's worm, not getting things. NT by I need clarification 03/28/2007, 12:14pm PDT
Worm is a bad poster NT by 2004 03/29/2007, 8:10pm PDT
Hey, WE called. We want our joke back. by David Spade and Joe Pesci 03/29/2007, 8:18pm PDT
While it's adorable you can fit your whole head into Zseni's cunt by Frontgate 03/28/2007, 12:21pm PDT
No. Anyone who specifies old growth forests knows they don't use them for paper. NT by Worm 03/28/2007, 12:23pm PDT
So you feel she thinks I am synonymous with furniture? by Frontgate 03/28/2007, 12:25pm PDT
I don't know what she thinks. by Worm 03/28/2007, 12:29pm PDT
Let me tell you what I think. by Frontgate 03/28/2007, 12:40pm PDT
Okay. by Worm 03/28/2007, 12:44pm PDT
lots of looney liberals think they use redwoods for paper NT by rush 03/28/2007, 12:54pm PDT
Re: Okay. by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/28/2007, 2:19pm PDT
It's never happened on my watch, if that's what you're asking. NT by Worm 03/28/2007, 5:11pm PDT
No. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NT by wromg 03/28/2007, 2:15pm PDT
I finally read those awful-looking articles. by Fussbett 03/29/2007, 10:49pm PDT
Sorry, pal, we're living in a plastic economy now. by conflictNo 03/30/2007, 7:32am PDT
The panhandlers are not interested in your excuses, only your feelings. NT by Mischief Maker 03/30/2007, 7:52am PDT
The panhandlers aren't interested in either, honey. Stick to suburbia. NT by Zseni 03/30/2007, 11:27am PDT
Here's a guy who is all about giving. by Fussbett 03/30/2007, 9:11am PDT
Having money and stuff by I need clarification 03/30/2007, 11:02am PDT
Reason 4: the mute crackhead just asked to suck my dick NT by Entropy Stew 03/30/2007, 1:02pm PDT
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