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| Resident Evil Toronto Apocalypse by Fussbett 09/16/2004, 6:46pm PDT | ||||
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| There's a new Uwe Boll in town, and his name is whoever directed Resident Evil Apocalypse!
Toronto plays the part of Raccoon City. The Bloor Street Viaduct being Raven's Gate Bridge, city hall playing city hall, and my favourite, the Westwood Theatre playing the Westwood Theatre, where I saw many movies as a child, all of which better than Resident Evil Apocalypse. Well, maybe Metal Storm: The Destruction of Jared Syn was worse, but at least it was in 3D. Bashing RE:A is like shooting fish in barrel. A barrel made of dynamite, with the fish already dead and stuffed into the barrel of your gun. We can all pick our breaking points because it's one self-parodying cliché after another. Every time I type one out, I ask myself "is that REALLY the worst one?" and then delete it in favour of another. I think I've settled on that fact that the heroes take a break from the zombie outbreak by resting in cemetary. I leave what happens next up your imagination. I hope your imagination involves lots of kicking. Jill Valentine. Remember when she almost became a "Jill sandwich" in Resident Evil: The Video Game? Well now she's a tough as leather bitch who wears big leather boots and maybe even eats leather. She'll shoot the fuck out of anything and then smoke the shit out of a cigarette and then scowl the crap out of your ugly face, so you'd better watch yourself. But then when her partner gets bitten, she can't bring herself to shoot him. Whoops, I just pointed out another cliché. In summary, Paul Anderson wrote this movie and is trying his best to ruin movies forever. |
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Resident Evil Toronto Apocalypse by 09/16/2004, 6:46pm PDT  Re: Resident Evil Toronto Apocalypse by 09/16/2004, 8:00pm PDT Re: Resident Evil Toronto Apocalypse by 09/16/2004, 8:26pm PDT dont forget bungie jumping out of a helicopter with both guns blazing NT by 09/16/2004, 9:34pm PDT Re: Resident Evil Toronto Apocalypse by 09/30/2004, 1:19am PDT |
