 |
||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Stew is just playing, everyone. by Zseni 02/24/2003, 7:46pm PST | ||||
 |
 |
|||
Zseni wrote: Look, he can't even spell my five letter nick. And you trust this man with your back end? Fangirls in the Mist: Installment 6 First Fuckups Seifer Almasy is a character in the PSX game Final Fantasy 8. He’s the bad guy, kinda, at first, but it’s not really his fault. He has an amiable dark past – orphaned, always reckless and bullying, impervious to authority, hot-tempered – and is won over to the Dark Side because he has a Romantic Dream of being the Sorceress’ Knight (ps: Sorceresses might not always be good.) I’m being a little sarcastic here because, honestly, I like FF8, and I think the main characters are remarkably sympathetic for video game characters, and in particular I think Seifer is an A+ bad guy as far as the medium goes. He’s blond, 6’1†or 6’2â€, green-eyed, and rather solidly built for a bishie.
I liked that, too. I wanted to play something a little butch, it’s excellent in a seme - those loveable bull dykes of the yaoi world - and excellent for the girls playing the other characters. They were going to love him. How could I make him loveable? Well how do you make any man unspeakably desireable to women? Put him in dress whites, stick a wedding ring on his finger, and make him gay. Make him powerful and untouchable. But the room is all about getting touchy! And everyone had dress whites and nobody was interested in faithfulness and they were all already gay. Right, what’s next: let’s make him nasty and too smart and a homophobe. Stroke of genius, that. Hard to sell the girls on it, too. {A_____} Any *subject* areas forbidden? {Sally} Such as? {A_____} IE politics/religion/homophobia etc? {Jane} In-character, nope. {A_____} Oh good. I had some fun ideas on certain lines for Seifer. {Jane} Out of character, eh, it's never been an issue? {Jane} Er, is he going to be homophobic? {A_____} Ah ah ah, no peeking. {A_____} If I have to lurk, you have to wait. {Jane} No, see, if he is... why bring him here at all? {Sally} *double bolts the door* That is not a challenge, brat. {A_____} ...what if he is because he's, say, in denial? {Jane} Is he going to want to beat people up? {Sally} As that would probably be a problem. We do very little with actually violence unless it's a special event {A_____} Hypothetically - you know, if this is where I go with the character - I don't imagine he's the beating type. He's in denial, not forcible suppression. And why else would he be hanging around a house full of fags if he didn't want to be...persuaded? {Jane} Ran tends to threaten. }_{ {Angel} Heero thends to follow through ^_^ {Jane} *scratches head* We've never dealt with a character who gay-bashed. I imagine Ran would have to be tied down. {A_____} Would it be less fun if something unprecedented happened? {Sally} Possibly. Though if he's just uncomfortable, that might work. {Jane} You know, me personally, as long as it's not too violent or vitriolic, I think it could be interesting. Of course you do, honey. You’re going to find it fascinating. Please note carefully their reticence, however. This comes after they informed me that only capable, interesting, and original players would be permitted to continue. And look where they go with it! They head straight to physical violence and stick there – as though that were the worst that could happen. Perhaps it was only the worst they could have expected with what they knew of me at the time. In any event it was certainly not the most capable, interesting, and original direction to take homophobia in, and I had no plans to do so. So I sat on top of what was to be an intellectually violent and aggressive gay-hater in a room full of mushy unconvincing peaceniks for three weeks, plotting, scheming. I wanted to make a big gay entrance. I wanted to command their attention and hold it for as long as I could. I wanted to come in huge and grow my market share from there, yes, oh yes, they would all be mine…mine… Let me be completely honest about this: on my first night roleplaying in the chat I was not motivated only by the desire to rend and destroy. Commingled with my hunnish urges was an edge, fine and sharp, of competition. I wanted to be the best roleplayer in the joint. My god, there was nothing else for it; one can’t sit through the conversations I had sat through there and not be seized with the idea that whatever one does it will be helplessly better than anything anyone else in there could ever do. So I made another mistake: I was eager. And it showed, because instead of the self-contained and debonaire Mysterio I had hoped to put down, I was instead a gifted newbie, making gifted newbie mistakes, wearing my hopes such as they were practically on my sleeve. My activity was absorbed seamlessly into the whole – more interesting than the usual, certainly, more dramatic, more intense, but not The Best – and ultimately instead of running the show from the moment I stepped in I had to run with the show, even on occasion being run over by the show. Let’s go through this unedited. You should see what it was really like: {Jane} (A_____, I'll drop Irvine in, if you're ready to sneak Seifer in after him?) {Sally} Cye: *bouncebounce downstairs* {A_____} (I am as always at your beck and call, Jane.) Quite. I had to go through a proxy for all this, instead of the wild entry I was planning to make on my own. My initial mistake – hustling Jane – was coming back to haunt me, and I was for some time at Jane’s social mercy therefore. But more on that later. {Louisa} Alucard: Very well, Mortal Nikki. And we'd best hurry, else we'll spoil Torent's fun. * Jane salutes! {Nancy} Nikki: Mortal... but I... what's a Torrent? *already heading towards the stairs* {Louisa} Alucard: *points to Cye going down the stairs* That's a Torent. {Sally} Cye: *has opened up boxes by the time everyone else is downstairs - there's glittery stuff and coils of lights everywhere* {Jane} *A greenish swirl of light spins up from the floor in the billiards room, depositing a crouched Irvine in its wake. He hops out of the magic's stream, his back to the still-flickering safe point. Funny, safe points didn't usually transport him anywhere, {Jane} but... this looked like the House.* {Louisa} Alucard: *places his box amongst the pile and then sits down to work on the guitar* {Jane} (Yes, I know they're save points, but what does an actual person need with saving? ^^) {Sally} (*giggles*) {Nancy} Nikki: *he blinks at all the lights and things, then grins* Rockin! Are you having a party? {Louisa} (Alucard: I had save coffins...) {Wilma1} (LOL!) {A_____} *emerges unkemptly and ungracefully from behind Irvine, confused* This is a perfectly telling first line. And wasn’t I the clumsy oaf tonight! I assed up the RP action format and produced from my bag of tricks a character whose first impetus is to act bewildered. {Sally} Cye: *pokes his head up from where he was leaning in a box* We're decorating for Christmas! {Wilma1} Kenshin: *smiles at Nikki* Soon, we will! {Sally} (Forgot the Seifer: ^_^) Ah, so I did. {A_____} (gomen gomen) {Sally} (is okay :) Takes some getting used to) So it does. First introduced, then reassured. I couldn’t possibly have screamed “pliable new meat†any louder. But why does it matter? It matters because – just coming out of the gate – I had lost my bet with myself, and I had overestimated my own ability. And, to be fair, I had underestimated theirs. All this implies as well that I had fucked up my negotiations for psychic real estate with the girls themselves, since the Suavey McSuavester persona I was impersonating wouldn’t be so clumsy. It wasn’t a big fuckup, but it did call for some PR reparations. In fact the whole first night was a wash and everything from then up until I banged my first RP ass was damage control. The regime-overthrowing Seifer I had hoped to build had to change right away to something a little more human to accommodate my human errors, too. I was just going to make him more in-character. Yeah, that’s it, in character. [link to RP text fig. 1]Something more like this, perhaps.[/link] [begin RP text fig. 1] Picking up from where the above sample left off, I’ve edited out a lot of the side noise to concentrate on Seifer’s first interactions in the House. {A_____} Seifer: *combs slim fingers through his short corn-colored hair* You know where we are, Irvine? {Jane} Irvine: *nods* Sure I do! The guys that live here call it the Yaoi Palace. They're right nice and they have good food. C'mon. *waves for the blond to follow* We'll go sniff 'em out. {A_____} Seifer: *seizing the lapels of Irvine's long coat, blushing slightly* Hey I've got a stellar idea, how about we GO BACK? Then you can go sniffing after your harem boys or whatever ALONE. * Jane rolling around. {Jane} Irvine: *eeehhhhs and tries to back off, pushing Seifer's hands off him verrrry carefully* Well, ya see, that's the thing there... I, ah... I don't know how to get back. *smiles hopefully* I seem to just wander back in my sleep somehow. {A_____} Seifer: *wearing a wonderfully disgusted expression* Oh I can put you to sleep alright. {Jane} Irvine: *tips his head* Don't you wanna eat first? {Sally} Cye: Oh boys? There's someone new and cranky in the billiard room. I think he's in hand though. {Wilma1} Kenshin: Shall I go find them? {Jane} Ran: *artfully snipping some rather lovely and delicate unique paper snowflakes; he's good with his hands* Someone else new? It must be a day for it. {A_____} Seifer: *head rapidly turning towards the sound of Cye, angry* I heard that {Sally} Cye: *in that direction* Well, you certainly sound cranky. Welcome to the Yaoi Palace. {Jane} Irvine: *laughs merrily* Sounds like they're all out in the front room. Come on, Seifer. *tries to get himself un-handed* Just meet 'em. Okay? {A_____} Seifer: Cranky? Me? You've got it all wrong, man. *puts on the Cool Face* {Wilma1} Kenshin: Perhaps some cookies will help with his crankiness? *and get him away from that damned tinsel* {A_____} Seifer: Seifer Almasy, you're charmed to meet me of course. Whoever you are. {A_____} *Seifer extends a black-gloved hand to Cye* {Louisa} Alucard: /Can I punch that one?/ {Jane} Irvine: *pulls Seifer out to the main room where all the other boys are, waving charmingly to the fellows he knows* Howdy again. {Sally} Cye: *doesn't laugh, honest* I'm Cye Mouri. /Absolutely not. No Santa for you./ *shakes hands then grins at Irvine* Welcome back. {A_____} (eep thought I was already there) {Jane} Ran: *is awfully pleased that Irvine is back and has brought a friend, -and- they have lovely new Nikki, and aren't things lovely?* {Sally} Cye: /It is an awfully pretty crop. Though the blond looks like you did when we first met/ {Nancy} Nikki: *peeks up at the interesting and rather brash black-gloved one, thinking that he reminds him of Karsh* {Jane} (Karsh sans Elvis pants.) {A_____} Seifer: *idly taking in an eyeful of the assorted pretty men* Where are all the girls? {Louisa} Alucard: /I wasn't an ass when I first met you!/ {Sally} Cye: *pops up from his place on the floor* There aren't any in residence at the moment actually. /I meant Ran, silly/ {Jane} Irvine: *gives Cye an affectionate cuff on the cheek, then laughs merrily* Aww, poor Seifer... there ain't any girls. *edges -away- from the straight man at that news* {Louisa} Alucard: /Imi pare rau./ {Sally} Cye: *even if it's December is wearing the tinyshorts. Ran likes them.* {Jane} Ran: *sotto voce to Nikki* The cowboy is Irvine, an infrequent visitor. It seems we are particularly open to new visitors today. /*pat* Yes love, I'm sure you can fuck him into submission./ {A_____} Seifer: *brushing some invisible lint from his shoulder* I guess if there are no girls then I'm the prettiest one here. {A_____} Seifer: Which explains why you're all STARING at me. {Sally} Cye: /Don't tease me./ *does let a snort of laughter out at that* {Jane} Irvine: *covers his mouth to stifle a snicker; Seifer was in top form today* {Sally} Cye: I'll be right back. *vanishes into the kitchen before he can start laughing* {Louisa} Alucard: ~*grrrr* I'd like to take him down a peg. Can I? Can I?~ {A_____} Seifer: *cocky, arranging his clothes and generally putting on his mental party hat* Where's the food, Irvine? {Jane} Ran: ~No. Wait for a proper moment.~ *gives Nikki half a smile* I would protest that Cye is the prettiest, but I fear that is a contest that no one can win. {Sally} Cye: /Pushy fellow, isn't he?/ *comes out with a huge tray on his shoulder* {A_____} Seifer: *smirking* I thought you said there weren't any girls here, Irvine. {Jane} Irvine: *thumbs toward the doors that lead to the kitchen, at the other side of the main room* In there, usually. Figger Cye's got somethin' whipped.... up. *his eyes get real big when all the snackies come out* {Sally} Cye: *sets the tray down, it's awfully large for one person to have carried* I suppose that depends on who you're calling a girl. {A_____} Seifer: Since I'm the best-looking guy here, anyone better looking than me is necessarily a girl. *winks, smirks, and tilts his head at Ran* Hey, nice axe. {Jane} Irvine: *will let Seifer dig his own grave, but does warn* Mister Cye here's got arms like Zell and I wouldn't doubt a left hook like 'im too. *sets down for tea and goodies, flopping on the couch* {Sally} Cye: Oops! *catches the wave before it hits the floor* {Jane} Ran: *startles at (a sudden noise), his braid whipping around as he jerks his head* {A_____} Seifer: God I love them with long hair, too. What's your name, honey? *does he think Ran is a girl? Is he hedging his bets?* {Sally} Cye: /Don't kill him love./ {Jane} Ran: /Oh, no... no, I will... play with him a bit./ *fluidly rises to his feet, dropping his long braid over his shoulder, and sways a bit toward Seifer without a word. His head tips, with those warm velvet eyes, and he murmurs in a definitely male voice* {Jane} Ran. Honey. {A_____} *Seifer turns quickly to see Ran's approach* {A_____} Seifer: Hey, sweetheart, how did you know about your standing invitation to visit my lap? {Sally} Cye: /Oh lord... what a line/ {Jane} Ran: *hmmmms, getting very close and plucking at one of the buttons on Seifer's coat* I suppose it was the little engorged invitation that showed up the moment I walked over. {Louisa} Alucard: *chokes as he hears that line* {Jane} Ran: /Which one?/ {Nancy} Nikki: *blinking, trying to respond to Cye, but almost staring at Ran* {Sally} Cye: /Yours, love. I'm not sure what the best setting for this one is yet./ {A_____} Seifer: *slipping a bold hand around Ran's waist* From the moment I saw you I knew; your eyes at like the night sky after a storm, all lit up with indescribable beauty, and your skin....so pale, iced silk.... *brushes a finger over Ran's cheek lightly* {Jane} Ran: *purrs* You really know how to lay a line on a girl... *shifts close, flat chest to flat chest, and whispers* But with a man, you really suck. {Sally} Cye: *chokes* {A_____} Seifer: *drops Ran, shrugs, and wanders to the kitchen* Good thing I'm not a big fag then. {Louisa} Alucard: *screw that, chokes again* [end RP text fig. 1] It is a terrible thing to be reduced to a wisecracking asshole from the perilous heights of demi-divinity, but in the long run, fortunately for everyone, it turned out for the best. An asshole that big must have a huge open soft spot somewhere, and it was that promise of vulnerability that caught and kept the interest of the girls. [link RP text fig. 2]As it turns out, Seifer wasn’t just a gaybasher, he was a classical homophobe.[/link] [begin RP text fig 2.] {A_____} Seifer: How come nobody's laughing? {Louisa} Alucard: *being that his emotions are still on the thin side, you can just see his eyes whirl red* {Louisa} Alucard: Maybe because you're rather unfunny, stupid mortal. {Sally} Cye: *looks at Seifer* Probably because most everyone in this room is gay or bisexual. {A_____} Seifer: *a heavy dull blush spreads over his cheeks and his lips part slightly as if in surprise* {Jane} Irvine: *in a low voice to Kenshin* It's a derogatory term for a guy who likes guys. Part-a Seifer's regular vocabulary. {Louisa} Alucard: If you ever utter that word my hearing, I will gut you. {A_____} Seifer: You're - all - {Sally} Cye: *raises an eyebrow* Is there something wrong with that? {A_____} Seifer: *aghast, trying to pull his act together* I'm trying to figure out - {Sally} Cye: *amused* What you're doing here then? {A_____} Seifer: If you're all gay because there's no girls here, or if there are no girls here because you're gay. {Jane} Ran: *is rather pink and scowling, which doesn't suit his complexion or hair color at all; he goes over toward Nikki to ensure he's all right* {A_____} *Seifer is carefully avoiding the word "fag", and hating himself for it too.* {Jane} Irvine: *easily* Leave 'im alone long enough and he'll dig his own grave, sure 'nough. {Louisa} Alucard: I'd like to help him to that grave. {Sally} Cye: Oh for pity's sake. Our preferences have nothing to do with it. There have been women here, there just aren't any that live here at the moment. {A_____} Seifer: *turning to Irvine, his pupils dialated* Can we go now, Irvine? Like, right now? {Sally} Cye: *takes a few steps towards Seifer* And before you ask, yes, your questionable virtue is safe. Tea? {A_____} Seifer: *backs away from Cye* Tea? Ooo in a little china cup? With petite fours and tee hee no THANKS. {A_____} Seifer: Let's GO Irvine. {Jane} Irvine: *kicks his boots up on the coffee table easily, and folds his arms behind his head* I toldja. I dunno how to get back. I go back when I go and I can't hurry that up. {A_____} *Seifer's hands are shaking and he's obviously pale and shattered and freaked out. He stumbles backwards, trying to get a grip on himself.* [end RP text fig. 2] Look girls! The big bad man is scared of you! Actually I had at this point realized the immensity of my misstep, and consequently lost control of my character in that abstract space from which I was supposed to be manipulating everyone else’s characters and emotions. I was overcompensating. I – I had identified too closely with my leading man. All of my previous mistakes had actually been one mistake: I had wanted something from them. Out of egotism, or perhaps the sort of self-loathing that should and ought to overtake one who turns from Beckett to fanfic, I had wanted very badly to own the room and put it in its place – to convince myself that it was all a small thing? Or that I was a very large thing? And now, at this juncture, I was indeed afraid of them and the power I had given them over me: the power to accept or reject, a power I had hoped to push out from under them by sheer overwhelming force. The power which is most strong among women, and most stringently enforced against them. The power that could not hope to touch me offscreen – not me, whose life to date had been animated by a spirit of defiance of gender norms – I had willingly and unthinkingly submitted myself to. And in this area, even if it was alone of all areas, they were all my superiors. But I had almost forgotten that I still possessed something they wanted, and it was something that none of the rest of them had. Even if broken, I was still a seme. I was still the best seme any of them ever would meet. It was time to put my workboots on. After a little broken-man dialogue between Seifer and Cye, and a threatened fight scene, I exiled myself to the room they had installed in their dream-world specifically for the purpose of hating it: the Awful Pink Room. {A_____} Seifer: *joylessly* It's not a party unless someone wakes up in an impossible place. {Sally} Cye: *ponders* I suspect in this place it would be the violently pink room down the hall. You don't want to go there. {A_____} Seifer: Why not? {Sally} Cye: Because it looks like it was decorated by a cheerleader on acid. It's rather horrifying. {Sally} Cye: We're not entirely sure why that room is here. I don't think anyone really wants to find out. Sounds like just the place to lick wounds. The trap was baited now: I didn’t know altogether that much about how social pressure works, but I did know that my position as Jane’s New Little Friend works two ways. She had the power of detaining my initial entry, and the power of introducing me and guiding me… {Jane} Irvine: *pauses after he gets done with the window, and glances down the hall* I should maybe go after him... {A_____} (Up to you, Jane.) {Wilma1} (Go for it, Jane! ;-) …but she was also responsible for keeping me in the game in case I talked myself into a corner. {Jane} Irvine: *nods to himself, resolved, and strides off down the hall after Seifer. He tries door handles until he finds the unlocked one, and then cracks the door to peek in* {A_____} Seifer: *sitting on the horrible pink bed, leaning, eyes closed, against the wall* {Jane} Irvine: *taptaps on the door and makes sure it creaks a little when it opens* Hey... hey, Seifer? You all right? {A_____} Seifer: *very quietly, so quietly Irvine almost doesn't catch it* Come in. {Jane} Irvine: *shuffles in, having heard a sound that didn't sound like "get away from me you leather-coated fairyboy"* Are you okay in here? Hell... damn, this much pink could put yer eyes out. *moves toward him* Listen, I'm right sorry the safe point caught you in... {A_____} Seifer: *stands with abrupt energy and strides over to Irvine, conveniently forcing him back against the door and closing it* You... {Jane} Irvine: *pushed back up against the door, surprised but trying to keep his senses alert* Seifer! Look, I didn't know it'd even suck -me- in. The only times I've been here... I swear, it was after Ultimecia... when we were wandering around in time... I didn't know how I got here or if I'd ever get back. {A_____} Seifer: *his eyes bore into Irvine's, sharp blue into soft green, and he pulls Irvine's wrists over his head as his lips close over Irvine's for a long silent sealing moment* {A_____} Seifer: *he releases Irvine and stumbles back over to the bed* Get out of here. I'm trying to sleep. {Sally} (Mmmmmm....) {Jane} Irvine: *all right, well, shocked into silence would start to explain the slack stillness that comes over him at that. His hat tumbles off and he's not fighting, that's for sure. Afterward he's left standing, dumb, lips pink and parted, staring* {A_____} Seifer: Didn't I tell you to clear out, you panting fairy? {Jane} Irvine: *very slowly leans over and picks up his hat, and sets it on his head* Comin' from you, that really ain't an insult no more. * he gets the door and walks out, as requested* {Jane} (OK, I was never in to Seifer/Irvine until.... RIGHT NOW.) {Sally} (*giggles*) {Wilma1} (Hee! That was yummy!) {Jane} (You are all trying to make me faint, aren't you?) {A_____} Seifer: *sighs and shuts off the lights, shrugging out of his heavy coat and boots. He speaks to the black quiet room* Trapped in a house full of fags....they're even turning me into one of them. It was a tiny, flailing, grossly incompetent start, but a foreshadow of things to come. It would take me only a week to retake my rightful place at the top of their heap, and by the week’s end I had enraged their official empath, entirely possessed their official slut, and made of myself an indispensable part of their RP comfort. I was going to learn how to play their game better than they could – maybe then, at long last, I could begin to get down to the business of sorting out why they were all such fuckups, and how they had so miraculously transformed me into one of them. In the next installment: Damage Control |
||||
 |
 |
|||
|
