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by up with pod people 02/24/2003, 3:37pm PST |
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1. Just due to the spacing of the articles, I'd put in a quick reminder of "seme" as "dominant male." I had to go back and search through the previous installments myself. Rather than parenthetically defining it, perhaps just work it in as a backhanded reference? I'm wondering also if you should establish a convention of italicizing foreign words for consistency. At first I thought it was a typo.
2. This is more a content comment than anything grammatical, but I'm curious: don't you think your "bewildered" and vaguely submissive OT entrance was necessary to start? Forgetting to prompt your text with "Seifer:" and being gently corrected -- magic. I find that women respond poorly to boldness from the outset, even when they're told to expect it. I would also argue that being a little off-kilter at the start made them respond even more favourably to the assertive advances at the end. How was the first night "a wash" when you dampened the panties of all the girls in the room with one slightly agressive kiss?
3. [link to RP text fig. 1]Something more like this, perhaps.[/link]
[begin RP text fig. 1] <--- I'm assuming this is something for the HTML thumper. Yes? |
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FitM 6 [first editing draft] (long) by Zseni 02/22/2003, 8:02pm PST 
Advice from the past by Ray, of Light 02/22/2003, 11:12pm PST
My best friend is the toilet. Can I write for it instead? -nt- NT by laudablepuss 02/23/2003, 4:21am PST
Re: Advice from the past by Zseni 02/24/2003, 5:33am PST
Loved it. by Clarence 02/23/2003, 8:20am PST
Re: Loved it. by Zseni 02/24/2003, 5:36am PST
Nocturnal light illumines a bed of leaves, shed from the visiting moon . . . by Mr. Palomar 02/23/2003, 11:27am PST
Re: Nocturnal light illumines a bed of leaves, shed from the visiting moon . . . by Zseni 02/24/2003, 5:56am PST
Re: Nocturnal light illumines a bed of leaves, shed from the visiting moon . . . by up with pod people 02/24/2003, 2:31pm PST
Re: Nocturnal light illumines a bed of leaves, shed from the visiting moon . . . by Zseni 02/24/2003, 3:12pm PST
FitM 6 comments by up with pod people 02/24/2003, 3:37pm PST
Yeah, good points. by Zseni 02/24/2003, 5:02pm PST
Nothing exciting happens around here. by Fussbett 02/24/2003, 6:12pm PST
Not really much to add by Entropy Stew 02/24/2003, 4:00pm PST
Re: Not really much to add by Zseni 02/24/2003, 4:37pm PST
Re: FitM 6 [first editing draft] (long) by conflictNo 02/24/2003, 4:33pm PST
Re: FitM 6 [first editing draft] (long) by Zseni 02/24/2003, 5:15pm PST
Some off-list comments. by Zseni 02/24/2003, 6:02pm PST
I AGREE WITH THE LAST PART by Jhoh Creexul 02/24/2003, 6:09pm PST
Here's a bonus quote for all you Creexul fans. by Jhoh Creexul 02/24/2003, 6:27pm PST
Link is fine by Senor Barborito 02/24/2003, 7:26pm PST
REPOST with minor edits, thx to the Rear Admiral. by Zseni 02/24/2003, 7:13pm PST
BTW by Senor Barborito 02/24/2003, 7:35pm PST
Fuck you. Also: DA REAL DEAL by Zseni 02/24/2003, 7:39pm PST
YOU LOSE, FAGGOT -nt- NT by Entropy Stew 02/24/2003, 7:46pm PST
Stew is just playing, everyone. by Zseni 02/24/2003, 7:46pm PST
I probably rubbed off on him when I talked to him earlier. by Jhoh Creexul 02/24/2003, 7:53pm PST
Fuck you and your inability to perform simple string substitutions -nt- by Rear Admiral Stew 02/24/2003, 7:59pm PST
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