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| Bunch of old farts not even mentioning Tindr or Grindr by Roop 04/26/2019, 6:52pm PDT | ||||
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| I can identify along with your story. A boy is supposed to be a mind reader, but a girl is supposed to be a mind reader too. She erects all these signposts and the boy is supposed to read them all and understand them all and follow along and she nods happily seeing this and understanding this that he understands this and she erects more signposts. O the comedic possibilities. I had an old room mate back in school, he was like you with your girl, kept wrecking her goddamn signposts and fleeing in terror, making her feel hopeless and like shit, no doubt. She was in one of his classes, so he got to inflict this ordeal on the both of them every goddamn week, whether either of them liked it or not. Finally one day, after class, he's rushing along to catch up with her, his new special friend, that big ambling motherfucker. This was before the days Neanderthal DNA was proven to be part of our genome, but I believed it then, this guy was built like one, tall and thick but not muscle from chasing bison, more pizza beer and television, he even had a cranial lump at the base of his skull just like a real Neanderthal, and even let me touch it once. Anyway, this motherfucker is calling after this poor petite girl clutching her schoolbooks. Hearing her name, she turns to look, and there he is slipping and sliding down the icy stairs, panic as people try not to be crushed, other assholes laughing, and he's sprawling and sprawled down, big fucking lump sliding in a circle and to a stop. Like good thing she's there, huh!? Good thing he was calling her to see that and shit, and just as he's got a sprained ankle. What a relief. Can You help me stand up? O I guess not nope! Well can you help me... sit up? Sweet Jesus! There's no fucking! No fucking way! No fucking fucking way! I remember that big wrapped up stinking foot, his googling fucking eyes as he was clutching that beer, what was I supposed to tell this guy?
I told him, y'know it's a lot easier to talk to girls once you have a girlfriend, like some asshole prick. It was true though! I had only just realized it at the time, but it was so strange to have a girlfriend with me when we went to a party. The other girls, some like flirting with other girl's boyfriends, just to be shits. That was disconcerting at first. Most girls though, they were relieved. Didn't have to worry about signposts, not only won't he not take something wrong, girl can outright flirt, what's he gonna do, his girlfriend's right over there. This all bullshit anyway. Motherfucker with social anxiety, look. Make your goals different. Instead of talking to the pretty girl at the party, make your goal, talk to every motherfucker at this stupid party. You don't even have to like 'em. Now, the one pretty girl at the party you picked out which you are afraid to talk to, she can't be at the end. She's gotta be in the middle. Remember, you had this goal before you ever even saw this girl, you're going to talk to every one of these motherfuckers, even her, at least once. Fuck these people, it's about the goal. It's not about getting laid, it's not about pleasing anybody, it's just talk to every one of these fuckers and fuck them if they don't like it. This worked for me! I'd go around, and everybody would meet Roop. Then, fueled with enough drugs and alcohol, I'd introduce them again to Roop Dirump. It's not about fucking anybody anymore, people, O no. This is where it gets good! This goes to the next level fucks! This where it gets fucking nuts man, and fuck the fucking! And that's when I suddenly get laid. Not you of course, motherfucker. Just works for my ass. |
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