 |
||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| spoilers: it's a shitheap by Lovable Hobo In A Boxcar 12/22/2012, 2:46pm PST | ||||
 |
 |
|||
| (10:02:53 PM) shitfucker: also did i tell you i went to see the hobbit
(10:03:01 PM) Audient: oh god, how's your ptsd (10:03:09 PM) shitfucker: IT WAS UNBELIEVABLY BAD???? (10:03:17 PM) shitfucker: WAS IT JUST ME? THAT WAS SUCH A PILE OF WRETCHED SHIT?!?!?!?! (10:03:37 PM) shitfucker: the only character who escaped with his dignity intact was elrond, and even then it was like seeing (10:03:40 PM) Audient: pretty song... nice to see galadriel again... actors were lovely and doing their best... welp. (10:03:43 PM) shitfucker: idek the whole thing was so fucking FANFIC (10:03:55 PM) shitfucker: like all fanfic authors ever collectively penned a hobbit film based only on the LOTR movies right (10:04:02 PM) shitfucker: and someone made a movie of all their threads (10:04:22 PM) shitfucker: and elrond by happy chance was written by someone very good but otherwise (10:04:34 PM) shitfucker: what a fucking dreadful pile of vomit. (10:04:46 PM) shitfucker: could have easily been edited down to 34 minutes or so (10:04:58 PM) shitfucker: and the more of thorin's ass and the less of his motivations we see, the better (10:05:25 PM) Audient: I would honestly not have minded the amount of plot they showed, if it hadn't been HI WE JUST MET, LET'S HAVE SOME BACKSTORY (10:05:36 PM) Audient: and everything being so ludicrously death defying (10:05:39 PM) shitfucker: YES (10:05:50 PM) shitfucker: if MULTIPLE CHARACTERS scream "NOOOO" in slow motion (10:05:54 PM) shitfucker: you have an editing problem (10:05:55 PM) Audient: mountain giants? really. (10:06:18 PM) Audient: and 5x the moria bridges crumbling scenes in the goblin halls (10:06:20 PM) shitfucker: it wsa a 3 hour long promo for 3d glasses (10:06:55 PM) shitfucker: i just (10:07:11 PM) shitfucker: like i had a whole flask of brandy to drink right there in the theater, hoping it would incline me to stay (10:07:28 PM) shitfucker: noooope, just made me open enough to start throwing up my hands for serious every time someone dangled from a tree (10:07:57 PM) shitfucker: i've seen more compelling video game cutscenes (10:07:58 PM) Audient: the thing about the hobbit is that it's a simple tale (10:08:12 PM) Audient: and when you take away its simplicity you injure it, gilding the lily in the truest sense (10:08:20 PM) shitfucker: but if you film it simple OH WAIT THAT WAS ALREADY DONE, IT'S THE RANKIN-BASS HOBBIT (10:08:36 PM) Audient: if they wanted to show more than was shown in the book, okay maybe, but SIMPLY* (10:08:42 PM) shitfucker: but Audient (10:08:45 PM) shitfucker: bunny sleigh (10:08:55 PM) Audient: birdshit face (10:09:06 PM) shitfucker: i just want to cockslap everyone involved (10:10:56 PM) shitfucker: i knew i was in trouble from the opening fucking scene (10:11:06 PM) shitfucker: candle, book, pen: a sentence (10:11:19 PM) shitfucker: the scribe puts three dots over ACTUALLY NOT ANY LETTER IN PARTICULAR (10:11:36 PM) shitfucker: they're like - between the a and the next letter in whatever word it was (10:11:40 PM) Audient: it was over the a (10:11:41 PM) Audient: I remember (10:11:52 PM) Audient: I'm sure they were mimicking what happened to be in the prop in the lotr movies (10:12:03 PM) shitfucker: check again, they're not centered over the a, they're hanging out between the letters (10:12:10 PM) Audient: I noticed it as a font nerd but more as -- oh god he's going to give himself reacharounds every five minutes (10:12:16 PM) shitfucker: double striking because i know they were supposed to be over the a (10:12:21 PM) Audient: oic (10:12:26 PM) shitfucker: but there's an a pronounced the same way later in the same sentence (10:12:28 PM) shitfucker: no dots (10:12:36 PM) shitfucker: so they're not even treated as a proper diacritical (10:12:52 PM) Audient: well thank goodness tolkien isn't particularly fussed with languages (10:13:01 PM) shitfucker: THAT WAS EXACTLY MY SAD LAUGHTER (10:13:15 PM) shitfucker: the rest of the movie followed suit: sloppy bullshit in tolkien-flavor (10:13:43 PM) shitfucker: anyway clearly i have feelings about this (10:14:29 PM) shitfucker: triple unspeakably pissed at freeman's bilbo, too (10:14:35 PM) Audient: oh really? (10:14:36 PM) Audient: what for? (10:14:38 PM) shitfucker: because i could see where he could have been a good bilbo (10:15:09 PM) Audient: here I thought that one of the high points. (10:15:09 PM) shitfucker: but instead he was made to fill space, twitch and twaddle, talk down, simplify his motivations, and otherwise act less like.... (10:15:50 PM) shitfucker: bilbo spends the first part of the hobbit coming to terms with his own love of adventure and stealing. this movie corrupts it into "he wants to be a cool dwarf bro who belongs and is helping a rightful king" (10:16:27 PM) shitfucker: it's a coming-into-one's-own story corrupted into a coming-to-love-one's-conscription story (10:18:35 PM) Audient: that troubled me less, admittedly, I figured the whole 'waking in the morning and running after despite himself' thing covered the base (10:18:39 PM) Audient: but it's a fair point (10:18:51 PM) shitfucker: i found the way they presented that to be utterly inexplicable (10:19:14 PM) shitfucker: i couldn't understand - just from the info given in the movie to that point - why he sprinted after them (10:19:27 PM) shitfucker: and when SO MUCH of the rest of the movie was pointlessly, clumsily narrated out loud (10:19:54 PM) shitfucker: THIS was left to the viewer's imagination and no more evidence than "your granddad was a big deal, here's an unsigned piece of paper" (10:20:26 PM) Audient: maybe it's like "of all the things that make me insane about it, that ranks lower" (10:20:33 PM) shitfucker: i hope red letter media tears this shit apart |
||||
 |
 |
|||
|
