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by Zsenitan 04/10/2009, 3:41pm PDT |
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Hewters is a friend of a friend with whom I "chill" on a regular basis. She is a pale, professional, WASPy woman with enormous giant fat titties and impeccable liberal credentials. I pretty much spend all our time together talking about how succulent her tits are while she languishes in the depths of my excellent cooking, exquisite taste, and personal filthiness. The IRL conversations are on the level of "Hewters my dear girl will you help me prepare supper?" "Of course Zseni what would you like me to do." "Tonight's pud is jizz on your tits, be a lamb and take your shirt off would you." "Oh Zseni really. *aggressively ignores me*" But the IM conversations are more like this:
(3:03:34 PM) Hewters:
I am determined to be politely unreceptive to your inappropriate overtures.
(3:03:49 PM) Zseni:
Is "inappropriate" truly the word?
(3:04:40 PM) Hewters:
Opprobrious?
(3:04:55 PM) Zseni:
Does that mean "awesome/hot"?
(3:05:09 PM) Hewters:
No.
(3:05:16 PM) Zseni:
Oh well then that one's wrong too.
(4:12:59 PM) Zseni:
Actually you know what Beff and I were thinking of doing the First Thursday gallery walk
(4:13:07 PM) Zseni:
maybe you could come with and out-dress us
(4:13:21 PM) Zseni:
since I will wear whatever I own that is shiny, and Beff will wear her usual drab rags.
(4:14:05 PM) Hewters:
That's quite a picture.
(4:14:09 PM) Hewters:
What time?
(4:14:13 PM) Zseni:
6ish?
(4:14:31 PM) Hewters:
Cool. Can't commit right now, but I'll let you know.
(4:14:54 PM) Zseni:
You know that ice princess shit gets me so raw and sweaty girl. ^_^;;
(4:15:00 PM) Hewters:
I have a second-round interview Thursday afternoon, yay.
(11:21:28 AM) Hewters:
Thanks again for an awesome dinner, by the way.
(11:22:17 AM) Zseni:
I do it all for the nookie, baby.
(11:22:39 AM) Hewters:
That must be exceptionally unrewarding for you, then.
(11:24:09 AM) Zseni:
Unkind.
(11:27:39 AM) Hewters:
Aww.
(11:28:03 AM)
Hewters has gone away.
(4:05:51 PM) Zseni:
Hewters
(4:06:15 PM) Zseni:
have you ever consider the moisturizing effects of nudity + rich creamery coconut oil?
(4:06:24 PM) Zseni:
from a feminist standpoint I mean
(4:09:17 PM) Hewters:
coconut lotion is quite nice
(4:09:44 PM) Zseni:
Damnit Hewters this relationship is going nowhere. I am all Hustler and you are all Victoria.
(4:10:10 PM) Hewters:
I'm sorry to disappoint.
(4:10:28 PM) Zseni:
Can't you see that beneath my sleazy exterior I'm just a wounded romantic liberal waiting for someone's fat fucking fat motherly instincts to lift me to my higher ground
(4:10:54 PM) Zseni:
You could BE that unthanked sex object. Think about it.
(4:11:07 PM) Hewters:
It's quite an offer.
(4:11:16 PM) Zseni:
A whole world of being taken horribly for granted - a lot of people would kill for that
(4:11:20 PM) Zseni:
specially in this job market.
EDITORS NOTE: Hewters is unemployed. This was a total dick move on my part, I swear I didn't realize what I was saying til I said it.
(4:11:31 PM) Hewters:
Heh.
(4:11:44 PM) Zseni:
Okay okay I will tell you what
EDITORS NOTE: oh god backpedal for fuck's sake.
(4:11:58 PM) Hewters:
Oh, please do.
(4:12:11 PM) Hewters:
Waiting with baited breath.
(4:12:15 PM) Zseni:
Let's just watch costume dramas and drink white wine.
(4:12:58 PM)
Hewters has gone away.
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Moments with Hewters. by Zsenitan 04/10/2009, 3:41pm PDT 
You're really landlording it over her NT by Entropy Stew 04/10/2009, 4:02pm PDT
Re: Moments with Hewters. by up with pod people 04/10/2009, 4:32pm PDT
LECTURE DE CUISINE by Zsenitan 04/10/2009, 5:15pm PDT
Re: LECTURE DE CUISINE by up with pod people 04/10/2009, 6:44pm PDT
Re: LECTURE DE CUISINE by Zsenitan 04/10/2009, 7:29pm PDT
Roasts by Entropy Stew 04/10/2009, 7:47pm PDT
Re: Roasts by Mysterious Stranger 04/11/2009, 9:26am PDT
breakfast and stock: ding, ding by up with pod people 04/10/2009, 8:00pm PDT
You goddamn butter chicken lover. NT by Choson 04/10/2009, 11:50pm PDT
everyone knows there is no such thing as butter chicken NT by up with pod people 04/11/2009, 8:37am PDT
You goddamn murgh makhana lover. NT by Choson 04/11/2009, 8:38am PDT
Re: breakfast and stock: ding, ding by Mysterious Stranger 04/11/2009, 9:33am PDT
experiments in this vein will be forthcoming TYVM NT by up with pod people 04/11/2009, 2:48pm PDT
hmm tentative successes by up with pod people 04/13/2009, 12:59pm PDT
Yes, good. Now come here and sit in my lap, and I'll tell you how to make sweets NT by Zsenitan 04/13/2009, 5:35pm PDT
FINALLY my spot opened up NT by Moog 04/13/2009, 6:02pm PDT
Beware the rolling pin by Entropy Stew 04/13/2009, 8:51pm PDT
I will put a chicken bone twixt the bars, & choose my moment when the oven opens NT by up with pod people 04/13/2009, 9:02pm PDT
Recipe Request: Fried Rice by Worm 04/10/2009, 11:31pm PDT
Peanut oil? What is this, the 1970s? by Choson 04/10/2009, 11:49pm PDT
It has a lower or higher boiling point I guess? by Worm 04/11/2009, 12:20am PDT
Re: Recipe Request: Fried Rice by Mysterious Stranger oh shit it is Z 04/11/2009, 9:45am PDT
What are you making, oyakodon or something? by Choson 04/11/2009, 12:57pm PDT
Re: Recipe Request: Fried Rice by Last 04/11/2009, 1:36pm PDT
The shit clock's tickin. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 04/11/2009, 1:48pm PDT
Re: Recipe Request: Fried Rice by Ice Cream Jonsey 04/11/2009, 1:38pm PDT
Re: Recipe Request: Fried Rice by Moog 04/11/2009, 2:41pm PDT
Thanks, bud. Dish came out ok, I guess, but yeah - that powder woulda been great NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 04/11/2009, 4:37pm PDT
How long should you let cooked rice sit before it's slightly dry? NT by Fortinbras 04/14/2009, 12:35pm PDT
Re: Recipe Request: Fried Rice by Last 04/16/2009, 11:35am PDT
Just made this for Xmas dinner. Deelish. NT by Last 12/25/2010, 5:11pm PST
How to make bread (girls only) by Zsenitan 04/20/2009, 5:00pm PDT
I thought it was going to be something about yeast infections. NT by Fussbett 04/20/2009, 5:13pm PDT
it still might be NT by gruman 04/20/2009, 5:23pm PDT
I knew I was forgetting something by up with pod people 04/21/2009, 12:00pm PDT
So did you punch her tits or what? NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 04/10/2009, 5:11pm PDT
a "professional WASPy" which is unemployed so... a whore? NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 04/10/2009, 7:22pm PDT
She found out on Dr. Phil you can prostitute yourself on craigslist for huge mon NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 04/11/2009, 3:41am PDT
huge monarch butterflies (i.e. tits) NT by gruman 04/11/2009, 4:37am PDT
Is she skinny or have you bothered to check (BOOBS) NT by Vested Id 04/11/2009, 2:07am PDT
She is not skinny but she is not fat. Voluptuous tending to overweight. by Zsenitan 04/11/2009, 9:46am PDT
That's not how you have an IM sex conversation! by Quétinbec 04/14/2009, 4:35pm PDT
Did she pick you up from the airport? NT by A Message from Caltrops Cares 04/15/2009, 10:22am PDT
Ask her to make you fried rice NT by Except hilariously switch L and R 04/15/2009, 2:10pm PDT
Yeah, she was there and was happy so I didn't cum on her face. NT by Quétinbec 04/15/2009, 4:13pm PDT
QB, the master of negging NT by Tricknology 04/15/2009, 8:33pm PDT
Is that like nagging? Because that works for me. NT by Quétinbec 04/16/2009, 2:21am PDT
The secret is POSITIVE negs to increase IoI levels NT by Mystery's speed seduction guide 04/16/2009, 1:36pm PDT
But lol levels are a sacred thing. NT by Quétinbec 04/16/2009, 4:55pm PDT
Corn Salad by Last 05/17/2009, 6:57pm PDT
Re: Corn Salad by Last 05/17/2009, 6:59pm PDT
We mixin' it laissez-faire style, yeeeeeeea NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/17/2009, 7:32pm PDT
My suggestion. by motherfuckerfoodeater 05/17/2009, 10:55pm PDT
Re: Corn Salad by Zsenitan 05/31/2009, 4:25pm PDT
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