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| I drew the short straw, and have to defend this shit by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/20/2008, 2:05am PDT | ||||
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| All right, I'm not going to lie. The thought of the movie Neuromancer getting off the ground with a director whose experience amounts to a Britney Spears cover of a Bobby Brown song, with possibly the most hated actor in the history of Generation X is a bleak one. But I don't think it's necessary hopeless.
First off - isn't it possible that Hayden was simply a product of his director? He wasn't the only person to do a shitty job playing Darth. A teenage kid named Jake Lloyd is currently wrestling with the sad fact that he peaked at 11 right now, and atop that peak was still shit. That's two people George Lucas couldn't get an even passable performance from playing the same fucking character. Do you know what it took to get Darth Vader into the collective consciousness of America? James Earl Jones! One of the finest actors in the world! Harrison Ford once said, to George Lucas, that you can write this shit but you can't say it. There might be absolutely nothing wrong with Hayden. And in fact, maybe a director who is unspoilt by the talentless savagery of Hollywood is just what Neuromancer needs! Let's go back to that director. At the twenty second mark of this video, he turns off the signing for 12 seconds. He has a car, quite competently, spontaneously launch itself into a pool. There's nothing he can do about the worst part of a Britney Spears video, the music, but Christ, he held out as long as he could. Furthermore, for the first 90 seconds of the video, Britney is hardly seen at all. I won't pretend to know which Britney showed up for the shooting of this video - fat Britney, coked-out Britney, slutty Britney, or some amalgam thereof, but our director limits her, in much the same way he'd be able to limit Hayden in the greatest cyberpunk novel ever written. Regardless of what version of Britney he had to work with, would I turn it down at 1:21? No! Confidential to Vitriola X., of Cowhump, CO: yes! More, he directed, or at least cut, a black and white video of the same terrible song. As someone who has also shot a video in black and white, I feel like Neuromancer's Director and I share a special bond. If it were up to me, I'd shoot Neuromancer in nothing but black and Apple II green. I think we're in great hands with our director, actually. Back to Lucas, because: fuck him. How many people in his three terrible Star Wars movies actually put together a decent performance? Ewan MacGregor, who is a good actor. Darkman, the same. You can maybe make an argument for Christopher Lee, but that's it - virtually every other person, puppet or midget in the movie was a goddamn abomination. We know nothing about the talents of Hayden. I think he's is going to do all right as Case, and mostly because Case is an archetype anyway. He's a cypher. He has no personality. He's someone the other characters react to. Sure, part of this is because he was the starting point for every cyberpunk protagonist to come afterwards, but Hayden isn't playing someone particularly deep or nuanced. I think he's going to do great, especially if we get as much of him on the screen as Britney got. Neuromancer is going to be fucking awesome. I think we're in good hands here, and I can't wait to see it. the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey! |
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