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| My most expensive prostitute by Quentin Beck 08/28/2007, 10:55pm PDT | ||||
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| I was setting records early on: quickest whore, oldest whore, and most expensive whore. These aren't good things, and shortly after the fuck I'm about to tell you about, I found my form, and things got a little less interesting (for you) but more enjoyable for me.
It was my last night in Korea. My Korean girlfriend had moved to Seoul to try and get a job with Emirates Airlines and we had kind of split up I suppose, but I travelled out of my way to see her because I was having a really good run of teary goodbyes and feeling like I meant so much to people and (oh my god!) my life has changed so much and I don't even care if the plane crashes on the way home etc... I got a hotel in Itaewon which is right beside the American army base and is essentially America-town. It wasn't very adventerous of me, but I didn't know where to find whores in Seoul, and the best place to start, I assumed would be by the army base. Actually, I didn't assume that. People were always joking about "hooker hill" which was beside Itaewon. Apparently there was also a "homo hill", and thinking about it now, perhaps I should have been worried that I could confuse the two on my journey. That would have been funny. Anyway, I woke my girlfriend up. She said she had an early start, but that it doesn't matter if we don't meet up tonight because she was sure she'd get the job with Emirates and she could visit me when she was flying. I said I wasn't sure Emirates services New Zealand, and she said something like, "Oh really? Well who knows...I'll probably see you later, though." Not even a single tear! Even the boy who refilled our coffee machine got a little choked up. It was truly a slap in the face. My friends in Seoul called me up, but I was in no mood for celebration. There was something I had to do! I can't remember if I actively set out to get a prostitute or if, instead, I intended to pick someone up from a bar, but it was more likely the former. I dressed the fuck up, put my backpack on (to distinguish myself from Americans), inside which was an envelope with $900 in it. When I started work in Korea, I remember promising myself not to come home with a single dollar (because I kind of tied that to not having any regrets or something), but later during my stay, my brother crashed my car, and I decided to be more forward-thinking. Well fuck all that now! There are 30 people I'd kill to be with right now and I'm stuck in Seoul because of that bitch! I'm gonna whore till I can't afford bottled water! I didn't know which direction hooker hill was, so I decided to circumnavigate Itaewon until I saw a hill. It was about 11pm. Down the first street, I saw a chubby middle aged, shaved headed American in a grey tracksuit walking the streets. I thought it was suspicious to be dressed so informally at that hour especially on a weeknight, so I followed him. This was the origin of a valuable heuristic I developed for locating whores in unfamiliar locations: follow poorly dressed men late at night. They're whoring every fucking time. Thinking about it now, this no doubt added to my complex about dressing up to distinguish myself from that crowd. We learn so much from talking about these things! This guy took a right kept walking and then took a left and entered a building. I didn't want him to see me enter his whore building, so I decided to walk the block and then come back during which time they would have hopefully put him in a room. I didn't get the chance, though, because I was propositioned! It took me completely by surprise because as it turned out, hooker hill isn't a hill at all, it is a slight incline. It is never good to be surprised by whores. It’s scary and it's hard to think clearly when you're scared. This particular whore looked to be in her mid-30's. Her proposition was very clever. It was something like, "There's a beautiful girl in here who wants to drink with you. Won't you come in?" I had been told about these weird whore houses that weren't straight sex-buying affairs. I didn't want any part of that shit! But at the same time, I was too proud to come walking back if I couldn't find anything else. After four seconds hesitation (about a second of that was fake hesitation to pretend this wasn't something I normally did) I entered. There was a pub in the middle and rooms with curtains in front of them on either side. They were playing loud angry rap music about bitches (how derogatory to play that in a whore house, I thought!). I was sober, too (I should mention). There was a female bartender but no people at the bar. The lady who'd ushered me in handed me off to a younger lady. She wasn't that pretty but wore a tight dress. We went into one of the curtained rooms, to the left of the bar, one room from the entrance. The lady was telling me how handsome I was and touching me. I was trying to be above all this! I acted very bored. I was raising my eyebrows a lot to signal my disapproval. I was very suspicious. This girl soldiered on, though. Eventually she asked if I would buy her a drink. I asked her how much and she said it was $20! and $6 for a whiskey for me. I acted amazed at the price and she asked me if I couldn’t afford it (great, great, line bitch) and snuggled up to me more and complimented my jacket, so I told her to get herself one and get me a double shot of whiskey. That will teach her what I can and can’t afford! I wasn't feeling very aroused. I guess bought the "don't normally do this - too cool for this" shit that i was trying to sell everyone else. I needed to get drunk. She drunk her "wine" as fast as I drank my whiskey, so it was obvious she was drinking apple juice or some shit. Koreans are notorious for this bullshit. Fucking pussies. This deception was another turn off. What a fucking con. I was sure I’d be ripped off, and I guess I was acting like such a prick to her so I could eventually leave and go to the tracksuit guy's brothel. I needed to get drunk, but every time I got a drink, she insisted on a drink, and I was getting stung $20 for her juice. I can't remember if I made a crack about her "wine" but if I did (and I hope I did), she didn't pick up on it or pretended not to. To try and get around this "drink tax" I'd order quadrouple shots of whiskey, but that shit was still costing me almost $50 a glass factoring in her juice. Eventually, as I guess is their plan, you blow so much in the place that you feel you can't leave. Well, fuck you bitch! You pulled that shit on the wrong cunt! I'm a trained economist and I could write you a pamphlet on over-dissapation chasing one-shot monopoly rents like your cunt and the irrelevance of sunk costs. That said! I HAD spent about $250 on drinks by this stage so there was pride at a stake. I wasn’t about to get robbed by some prick tease on my last night in Korea. That bitch was getting fucked if it cost me every last cent! So, I kept reaching into my envelope... I can't remember if she was naked by that time she laid the costs on me. It was $80 for a blow job, $200 for a fuck, and $350 to take her home for the night! Holy fuck, bitch! Those are western prices. I felt ripped off because I thought this was a thing where the fuck would be included in the costs of the drinks, not as some surcharge! I’m getting fucking killed! There was no way I was giving this bitch $200, so I told her I'd settle for a blow job. She told me she liked me (I'd pulled the old "Dr. Andy the American" routine on her (Americans were still quite popular then)) so she said she would fuck me for $100. Then, I told her I was worried because I hadn't had sex for a year and was scared I would cum too quickly and waste my money. She said if I came too quick I could have another fuck later. I got her to clarify that the additional fuck would be covered by the $100 and she said it would. Learning the ropes! This raised an interesting issue, though, because at about the 10 minute mark, I still hadn't cum. Does 15 minutes qualify as a quick fuck/accident? About halfway through this fuck, she decided our room was too small for me. It was just kind of a sofa thing in a curtained room with dim red lights. It was fine, but she insisted we move. Fine, I reached for my clothes to get changed, but she laughed at me and tugged at my wrist. EXCUSE ME! I am naked and erect and I have a condom on! She pulled open the curtain and the woman who ushered me in could see me in this state. HOLY FUCK BITCH! I thought (but didn’t say because I wasn’t sure I should be so ashamed about my nakedness like some uptight prude and unlike the cool European sorts I admire). She was grabbing my wrist and weakly trying to pull me up. I was drunk enough to be pretty reluctant. I wasn't drunk enough to walk naked and erect past a bar. Holy fuck. I put my backpack on (!!!) and it made me feel a bit better and I reached for my bundle of clothes. Naked except for a backpack and a condom. My plan was to raise my eyebrows and pretend it's all a crazy joke when I walked past the bar. When I walked out of our booth, the usher lady said I had a nice dick. There was a black guy at the bar (!!!), but he thankfully pretended not to see me. If he had looked at me or said anything ...fuck knows how I would have reacted. We didn’t have to walk past the bar though. We just had to go to the next booth. I couldn’t see any difference from the previous booth, but I wasn't pissed off about being put through that for nothing because I was thinking about other things. I guess maybe the first booth is reserved for the guys they're plowing with drinks or maybe it was actually smaller. I don't know. I decide to cum no later than 15 minutes. I’d resolved to argue with her if she denied me the second fuck, but she didn’t. We did a lot of our talking while i was recharging. At some point, the usher girl came in and stated kissing me etc… but left as soon as I said no to the idea of paying more for a twosome. During the sex, the girl was very convincingly telling me how great I was and was so bubbly in the face of me acting like a total cock, but when her colleagues would shout something at her, her mood would change completely and abruptly and she would yell back in this quick bored monotone. It was really disconcerting to see her able to switch moods so easily. It made me feel bad! When our second fuck had finished she left and went to put on a new dress that was blue and as ugly (and tight) as the first, and I got dressed too. I assumed she wanted me out so she could service her next guy, but she caught me before I left and asked me where I was going and kissed me and bit my bottom lip. The fuck cost me about $400. |
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