XPT's (And Fox Magazine) Ceara Lynch Visits LA With Her Friend Cassandra

They (Cassandra's XPT profile, Ceara Lynch's XPT profile) arrived Saturday in LA from their home in Portland. They are staying with Ashley Blue and greeting the good people at JM Productions.

Ceara comments to her boyfriend March 27: "I'm having great time in LA. Yesterday was a very, uh, wild first night to say the least. I think I'm the closest thing to a good girl in this city."

Tuesday morning. 8:20 a.m. Air Supply's greatest hits play in the background.

Luke: yo dawg
Luke: I have a hottie in my hovel
ChaimAmalek: Who is it?
ChaimAmalek: Let me chat with her.
Cassandra: i'm from portland oregon and i am a student and i am not in porn.
ChaimAmalek: Are you having sex with Luke?
Cassandra: no!
ChaimAmalek: Then why are you there? ie, what brought you to his hovel?
Cassandra: he said that you had a pregnancy fetish.
ChaimAmalek: All I want is what is best for my people and culture.
Cassandra: i'm staying with a bunch of pornstars.
ChaimAmalek: How did you hear of Luke?
Cassandra: lukeisback, but lukeford.com when I first got a computer. I was 13.
ChaimAmalek: Did you spend the night with Luke?
Cassandra: yes
ChaimAmalek: so you must have had sex
Cassandra: no, it was very honorable
ChaimAmalek: I see. Luke ran out of Levitra.
Cassandra: he made me a smoothie. i really am in california
ChaimAmalek: Would you be willing to have sex with a 375 pound man such as myself?
Cassandra: it depends on your personality
ChaimAmalek: Cranky
Cassandra: but no, i don't think so, it would be weird to have sex with someone that i met messaging
ChaimAmalek: Why does your friend want to get into porn?
Cassandra: i'm not cranky at all
Cassandra: for the glamor and riches
ChaimAmalek: I though porn chicks had Caltech like IQs.
ChaimAmalek: Will you be having sex with Luke in the next few days?
Cassandra: no i don't think so
ChaimAmalek: Why not?
Cassandra: because we're friends
ChaimAmalek: Do you find him . . . deficient in any way?
Cassandra: hahaha
ChaimAmalek: Or is it because you hate Jews?
Cassandra: i only hate orthodox jews because they hate women
ChaimAmalek: Luke aspires to be an orthodox jew.
ChaimAmalek: What are your career goals?
Cassandra: i want to go to law school
Cassandra: luke and i are going to the museum of tolerance together.
ChaimAmalek: Most lawyers are miserable. Luke knows this guy who is one in Palo
Alto Cassandra: i'm miserable already
ChaimAmalek: That's where Luke takes women he wants to guilt trip into having sex
with him
ChaimAmalek: I went with him to there once, but as I told luke, I don't do back doors.
Cassandra: i've never been to LA before
Cassandra: i think it will be enlightening
ChaimAmalek: Do you know anyone named "Holly"?
Cassandra: yes i've talked with her on email before
ChaimAmalek: Do NOT let her take your picture if you do!
Cassandra: we both like horses
ChaimAmalek: even worse
Cassandra: of course not
ChaimAmalek: a horse is a horse of course of course and no one should have sexual intercourse with a horse of course unless the horse of course of course is the famous Mr Ed
ChaimAmalek: You need to marry a nice yeshiva boy and have twelve children so as to counteract the malignant fertility of the duskier races of the planet.
ChaimAmalek: No offense meant if you happen to be dusky yourself.
ChaimAmalek: This is a point that the MOT makes. All those dead jews.
ChaimAmalek: Law schools suppress birth rates.
ChaimAmalek: Law schools and graduate schools are this generations crematoria.
ChaimAmalek: Could you marry Luke?
ChaimAmalek: He wants very much to marry a fertile young Jewess and have lots of Jewish kids with her.
ChaimAmalek: He would even let you work!
ChaimAmalek: He could be a house dad, monitoring the Mexican nannies and housekeepers, while you did your law crap.
ChaimAmalek: Luke, how hot is this girl?
ChaimAmalek: Not to put you on the spot or anything, but by now you've seen her up close and all.
Cassandra: he can't answer, i am hideous
ChaimAmalek: Lady, be sure to tell your friend that if she goes into porn, she will catch a bad case of venereal warts and herpes.
ChaimAmalek: along with all other diseases, but not HIV
ChaimAmalek: It helps if you come into the business pre-infected.
ChaimAmalek: Once you have made love to a man of my size, ordinary guys just won't do. I'm enough man for four women. I'm not fat, I'm famine-proof.
ChaimAmalek: I'm thinking about starting a new line of "real man" porn DVDs for guys like me, who have very small willies
ChaimAmalek: I will call my line "Little Willy Gets Lucky" and various women will be named "Lucky"
Cassandra: point of view porn, it's porn made by guys who pay these hookers to have sex with them
ChaimAmalek: I don't see much porn, as I am ashamed to buy it from the Muslims who sell it here
ChaimAmalek: Of course, buying it from a hot chick would be even worse.
ChaimAmalek: WHY would women write to any ad with that pic of the stuffed reindeer wearing a wedding gown?
ChaimAmalek: Doesn't that suggest serial killer?
ChaimAmalek: Yet many more did
Cassandra: because it is a charming picture and makes the writer seem artistic and "zany"
ChaimAmalek: OK, then I'm using it on my Myspace profile.
ChaimAmalek: The FBI will want to study it.
ChaimAmalek: Did Luke try to have sex with you last night?
ChaimAmalek: Most men his age prefer sex with 19 year old women to sex with 39 year old women
Cassandra: no, he didn't. in fact, he promised me that he wouldn't molest me
ChaimAmalek: That's because he still pines for Holly
Cassandra: i'm not very sexy and i like girls more than men
ChaimAmalek: I don't believe that. True lesbianism is very rare, and self corrects when maternal drives kick in.
ChaimAmalek: Just be sure never to own a cat.
Cassandra: she's worthy of pining for if any woman was. too bad no woman is.
Cassandra: i have three
ChaimAmalek: No cats, no ipods, no yoga.
Cassandra: and a rabbit and two tarantulas
ChaimAmalek: the latter are fine, Maybe feed the cats to them
Cassandra: i have an ipod too, but i don't do yoga.
Cassandra: i feed baby birds and rats to them
ChaimAmalek: dangerous. ipods and cats are socially atomizing devices that suppress our numbers. Hitler would have approved
ChaimAmalek: Do you believe that the Talmud was given to the Jews on Mt Sinai as the Oral Law?
ChaimAmalek: Do you belive in the Nicean creed?
ChaimAmalek: Do you believe that there is but one God, and that Allah was his messenger?
ChaimAmalek: And why won't you visit New York and have sex with me?
ChaimAmalek: PLEEEEEEEEEZZEEE?????
ChaimAmalek: I know that last bit turned you on.
ChaimAmalek: I'm going to see Heather MacDonald tomorrow night.

Hey Cassandra, you did not log-out of your gmail account and I am really nosey, but because it is wrong to look at someone else's mail without their permission, I logged out without looking at anything. But I was tempted.

Cassandra, how do we convince the world that our love is as pure as the driven snow?

Dear reader, how do I convince you of the tenderness of my solicitude towards someone who's read me since she was 13? Virtual virginity is as precious as the real thing.

Amalek writes:

Yes, there is nothing better than social intercourse with a truly young legal white woman. They got us by the balls. But I'm afraid that in the long run, she's not good for you. What you need is a woman your own age, someone you can grow old with. A woman who is past all of the tumult of baby drama and that part of life, who fits you like an old sofa in which has been spilled countless beers held by other men.