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by Fussbett 09/05/2005, 2:23am PDT |
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I finished watching the full series of Hooking Up, and despite being only 5 episodes, it was exhausting. I felt like I had dated each of these crazy bitches, and even some of the crazy guys. For those who don't know, the show is basically like Blind Date, except not featuring fucking liars, and they follow the same women around for 1 year of online dating.
Here's Amy, in the best photo ever taken of Amy. Though her face may be a little beaten, she does have giant tits, so after being disappointed by her photographic chicanery, your head will drop but then your eyes are instantly rewarded. Some of the funnier things about Amy include her UGLY TROLL sister who has everything Amy wants: a husband, baby and house in the suburbs. The sister lords this over Amy and tells Amy to break up with guys, which Amy does, because she figures the sister knows about husband material (here's the secret: the sister SETTLED IMMEDIATELY. A sure way to land a spouse). Secondly, Amy is on Paxil, which I guess isn't that funny. To most people.
I don't have much to say about Kelly, as she was kinda normal. Just a little trashy and old. Of more note was her suitor, the reddest man in real estate, Steve. He followed the slime script to the letter; shiny ties, a boat, lying about his age, a Hummer, and enough striped shirts to wallpaper a house. I'm sure he's excited to see where Tom Cruise's career goes next.
That must be a huge problem for Christen, dating men who raise their pinky when drinking tea. WHAT? Christen also used a profile picture that didn't make her look totally fat, which she is. More mindblowing than being fat, she also requests that her men are "in shape".
This is the craziest cunt of them all. Lisa told her first dates that her name was Jennifer, and even to another doctor would not disclose that she too was a doctor. Surprisingly, when she dropped the bomb on the dude halfway through the second or third date, "by the way, I'm a doctor too... and my name is actually Lisa", he thought she was fucking nuts. Men are so weird and insecure!
In the Fussbett house we called this chick "two face", because sometimes she looks hot, but mostly she smiles and looks ugly, which I know is counter-intuitive, but you'll just have to trust me on that.
...the stats go right out the window when the men discover that she's a VIRGIN who has never KISSED A MAN before at 30 YEARS OLD because kissing might lead to sex. Despite this and her acne problems, Reisha was able to make a fellow Christian dude fly from Atlanta to New York TWICE to spend no-skin-contact weekends with her. Eventually he gave up on her, as they all do, when he also discovered that she's a stuck up and difficult bitch. He took her to a party in his hometown where she felt very uncomfortable because it was all WHITE PEOPLE. Then, he mingled and had fun while she sulked. Anyway, I'm sure everything is going to work out for her. Somehow.
...and he looked gay, acted gay, was gay... But let's talk about Maryam, or as I call her, Droopy McSadfrowns. Half Iranian, half Iraqi, half giant nose, all downer. I doubt she's ever been the cause of a single erection.
http://www.torrentspy.com/search.asp?query=hooking+up |
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