Caltrops - Reviews - Gladius First Impressions (PS2)

Forum Overview :: Reviews

by Mischief Maker 06/16/2005, 6:02pm PDT

So the original review on caltrops was swallowed whole by SB's cunt when he learned that Zseni fucked Chairman Mao. While looking up info, I came across this review which is probably the greatest thing ever written.

J.M. Vargas wrote:

Before I start let me say that I have yet to play a Western-developed RPG that I actually like.

Dude, you're so jaded and worldly. Can I get your autograph?

Vargas continued wrote:

From the ill-conceived “Shadow Madness” (an American PSOne RPG trying to out-“Final Fantasy VII” the real “FVII”) to the endless “Elder Scrolls: Morrowind” series (PC, XBox) and the incomprehensible (to me at least) appeal of the Dungeons & Dragons or Magic the Gathering franchises, if it isn’t Japanese-developed then I’m unlikely to enjoy it.

God forbid a game might actually have an interesting story instead of the same plot punctuated by the hero saying prior to every battle, "I don't want to fight! Can't we talk this over? Hyper Ultima Ass Strike X! YAAAAAH!!! Oh no! Why did you have to fight me? War is bad!" over and over again.

Anyhow, this game really isn't an RPG, it's a sports game where you recruit and manage a team of gladiators. The combat's similar to FF Tactics, but it has little tweaks everywhere to take care of the strange quirks of the genre, like units turning to face their first attacker, eliminating the whole "circle 'round your enemy to attack the rear" do-si-do, or having units be able to move during enemy turns to eliminate fast units from keeping out of reach and pecking attackers to death from a distance indefinitely.

Enemy levels are always equal to yours, so powerleveling is not a requirement, just a way to get access to more skills. You have special attacks that deplete a slowly recharging skill meter, and an elemental-based POW-meter for super attacks. Combat can be a simple fight, or things like King of the Hill, destroy the base, 4 on 4 skirmish, or dumb things like "See who can break the most barrels before time's up" and "See who can deal the most damage points without actually hurting your enemies before time's up." Luckily not every league game is necessary to get the trophy/advance a league/etc.

While the plot is drool-bib simple, the setting is great and the units and equipment look authentic. Roman legionaires look like the real thing and German bezerkers are half-naked, covered in woad tatoos and scream like lunatics. Plus any equipment you buy is actually shown on the unit in combat, which is always a plus in my book. My one big complaint is that while the surrounding arenas look great, terrain is usually clumsily represented by things like a pile of crates or an oddly-placed ox-cart.

The game lets you play as two different schools, one that starts in rome and one that starts in germany. The only thing that makes the roman one "advanced" is you can recruit a wider variety of gladiators and fight a wider variety of opponents at the beginning. I think it also doesn't nerf the AI at the start for the romans, either.

So I'm playing the PS2 version and I should address the horrors mentioned about the load times. The designers, it seemed, opted to instead of having one long-ass obnoxious load time at the start, have several short obnoxious load times between every menu. So if you're switching to the arena you have to wait a second. If you want to go to the shop you wait a second. In battle things run smoothly except for when someone shapeshifts or summons a creature, in which case you have to wait for several seconds as the model for the new unit is loaded into memory. Like 5-10 seconds at the most. There's also a stupid save bug that prevents you from being able to save if there is a PS1 memory card in slot 2. Smells like a rushed release to cash in on the gladiator movie.

So in the end, if you like the combat and character development of FF Tactics and would rather just get to the fighting without having to wait as it S... L... O... W... L... Y... types out the plot letter by letter between battles, gladius is cheap, balanced, and fun, if a little buggy.