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| Jon Stewart on THE O'REILLY FACTOR (Transcript (like an AIM log!)) by Fussbett 09/24/2004, 3:42am PDT | ||||
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| O'REILLY: OK. You know what's really frightening?
STEWART: Uh oh. O'REILLY: You know what's really frightening? STEWART: You've been reading my diary. O'REILLY: You actually have an influence on this presidential election. That is scary. STEWART: If that were so, that would be quite frightening. O'REILLY: But it is. It's true. I mean, you've got stoned slackers watching your dopey show every night, OK, and they can vote. STEWART: Yeah. O'REILLY: You can't stop them. STEWART: Yeah, I just don't know how motivated they would be, these stoned slackers. O'REILLY: Yeah, it just depends if they have to go out that day. STEWART: What am I, a Cheech and Chong movie? Stoned slackers? O'REILLY: Come on, you do the research, you know the research on your program. STEWART: No, we don't. O'REILLY: Eighty-seven percent are intoxicated when they watch it. You didn't see that? STEWART: No, I didn't realize that. O'REILLY: Yeah, we have that there. STEWART: We come on right after, I believe, puppets that make crank calls... O'REILLY: Yeah. STEWART: ... so we are, I think, the appropriate follow up... O'REILLY: Yeah, and that's a great lead-in for you. STEWART: It's a wonderful show, by the way. O'REILLY: Puppets can't vote, but these dopey kids who watch you can. STEWART: They actually can -- in Florida, they can. O'REILLY: Puppets can vote in Florida. STEWART: As long as they vote Republican. O'REILLY: And they haven't committed a felony. STEWART: And they haven't committed a felony, that's exactly right. O'REILLY: But you do have some influence. Now, how do you see that? You have influence. John Kerry bypassed me and went right over to you. You're only four blocks away. He said, "O'Reilly, I don't think so. Stewart, I'm going to go talk to you." STEWART: Well, I have to tell you -- and again, I mean no disrespect, but the snack selection backstage, quite frankly... ... O'REILLY: You ask some serious questions too. STEWART: Very rarely. Every now and again. O'REILLY: Well, you asked me why I was such a bad person, didn't you, or something like that? Wasn't that a serious question? STEWART: Did I ask you why you were a bad person? O'REILLY: Yeah, I think so. STEWART: No, I wouldn't have done that. O'REILLY: ... "scum of the earth, O'Reilly," I think that's the way you put it. STEWART: No, I wouldn't have put it that way. I think it would have been, why do you have such je ne sai qua? O'REILLY: Yeah, some French. We're boycotting France, so I couldn't answer... STEWART: By the way, I couldn't agree with you more about the French thing. They are such an important country, and I think really deserve a boycott. O'REILLY: Yeah, they do. STEWART: Because of the influence they wield in the world. (CROSSTALK) O'REILLY: Well, you know, I know you don't agree with... STEWART: They have a variety of cheeses, and... O'REILLY: I was just going to say, you have to have your brie before you go on. STEWART: Do you really believe France is, in any way, worthy of a boycott? O'REILLY: I do. I think France has really hurt the USA, to be... STEWART: Really? O'REILLY: Yes, I do. STEWART: More than like Saudi Arabia? You would advocate a boycott... O'REILLY: No, I'm not going to say more than Saudi Arabia. But I'm saying we do a lot... STEWART: So why not boycott them? O'REILLY: France is supposed to be our friend. Saudi Arabia is... STEWART: Since when? Since the revolution they haven't been our friend. O'REILLY: OK, when you get a guy like Kerry on... STEWART: Yes. O'REILLY: ... and again, he bypassed me, so I took it personally, he went over to talk to you... STEWART: But you and I are not competitors, let's be frank about it. O'REILLY: Well, we're on our second rerun on THE FACTOR -- is now at 11 o'clock. STEWART: I don't mean in terms of -- we're not competitors in terms of content. You're a news show, and we are a comedy show. O'REILLY: That's true. But what do you want the audience to get out of your discussion with Kerry? Just yucks, or anything else? STEWART: First of all, I shall rarely refer to it as yucks, and I think you should reconsider. O'REILLY: OK, I'm sorry about that arcane term. STEWART: "Shnicks," we call it shnicks -- shnicks and giggles. O'REILLY: Thank you. ... O'REILLY: What do you think Kerry wants to get out of coming on your show? STEWART: He wants to get what any politician does: access to a new constituency. He wants to get... O'REILLY: The stoned slackers. STEWART: ... that's exactly right, because the stoned slackers, this election is going to rely on the undecided. Who is more undecided than... O'REILLY: Than the stoned slacker, right. STEWART: ... the people who are high. Right now, they're thinking to themselves, ice cream or pretzels, ice cream or pretzels. O'REILLY: Don't you think that these guys want to be hip, when McCain was on with you -- Bush hasn't been on with you, right? You would remember that... STEWART: George Bush? O'REILLY: Yeah. STEWART: I don't recall the president stopping by the program. O'REILLY: But McCain's been on. STEWART: Yes. O'REILLY: OK. Kerry's been on, as we mentioned. STEWART: Yes. O'REILLY: I've been on. So you've had the three most powerful people beside him on. STEWART: That's probably right. O'REILLY: What do you think Kerry wanted to get out of it? STEWART: A hug -- just a sweet hug. I'm sure what he wants out of it is, again, that access -- it's the same thing that Budweiser wants out of it. It's the same thing that Dell computers... No, it's access to this market that may be untapped, an untapped potential, a reserve, an ANWAR, if you will. He wants to drill in an area that has previously been un-drilled. And don't make a dirty remark about that, because I see it coming. |
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Jon Stewart on THE O'REILLY FACTOR (Transcript (like an AIM log!)) by 09/24/2004, 3:42am PDT  Nobody's funnier than that guy. (Stewart, not O'Reilly.) NT by 09/24/2004, 9:38am PDT Not even George Carlin or Doug Stanhope or Marc Maron or Patton Oswald or Bill H NT by 09/24/2004, 1:17pm PDT Least of all George Carlin. You're kidding, right? by 09/24/2004, 3:42pm PDT Re: Least of all George Carlin. You're kidding, right? by 09/24/2004, 6:05pm PDT The Fabio effect, if everyone says one thing, I SAY BET THE *OTHER WAY* by 09/25/2004, 3:25am PDT What? NT by 09/25/2004, 3:46am PDT Re: Least of all George Carlin. You're kidding, right? by 09/25/2004, 5:36pm PDT If you're talking about WHO'S HOT NOW then you meant Sacha Baron Cohen. NT by 09/25/2004, 10:57pm PDT Ha ha ha. by 09/24/2004, 6:27pm PDT Mom; you left the barn door open again. by 09/25/2004, 3:49am PDT Re: Mom; you left the barn door open again. by 09/25/2004, 5:42am PDT |
