Forum Overview :: Peter Molyneux's The Movies
 
I am unconvinced. by Brody Wilder 06/22/2020, 1:27am PDT
I said in the other thread I fell asleep during Rogue One. Since it was Star Wars, I figured I should rewind and see what I missed. The last thing I remembered was Not-Rey going to some dark, shitty planet and watching her surrogate father - an underused Forest Whitaker - get blown up. Well, after that they all piled in the spaceship and bopped on over to some other dark, shitty planet just so Not-Rey could watch her biological father - a why was he even in the movie Mikkel Madsen - get blown up the same damn way. It turned out I missed nothing! It was like Rogue One knew I was asleep so it just started spinning its wheels until it was time to wrap up the thrilling story of how Luke knew to shoot a torpedo in a hole in a movie I actually liked. That's the kind of spooky haunted videotape shit that gets you ranked lower than the prequels.

I also admit that like most haunted videotapes, the unrelenting darkness was a problem for me. The whole movie was shot like it was drowning in a well. I guess they thought they were making The Pianist for kids, but if you told me the script was an adaptation of one of the many Mass Effect games I didn't play, I would believe you. Then when they finally got to the Riza beach vacation planet everybody died and Not-Rey held that one guy's hand like Tea Leoni at the end of Deep Impact. Spoilers for Deep Impact. I feel bad calling her Not-Rey, the movie should feel even worse for not giving me a way to differentiate her from Rey. A dour British girl with no personality who knows martial arts and is critically important because of who her father was. I don't know if you saw the 2018 Tomb Raider reboot - not bragging, I did - but that's also Lara Croft now.

CGI Peter Cushing was an abomination and the only other thing from Rogue One I remember well enough to have complaints about. I think there was a robot I liked. It might be better than Attack of the Clones, but at least you could laugh at the prequels. Nobody's laughing at Rogue One.
PREVIOUS NEXT REPLY QUOTE
 
Top 14 Star Wars Movies by Brody Wilder 06/21/2020, 8:23am PDT NEW
    My voice to text fucked up at the end there. I was going to tell you to bing NT by Brody Wilder 06/21/2020, 8:25am PDT NEW
        ARGHHHH LITERALLY SCREAMING INTO MY PHONE ROSARIO DAWSON'S VULVA NT by Brody Wilder 06/21/2020, 8:27am PDT NEW
    No. by N/A Ever 06/21/2020, 8:33pm PDT NEW
        How about instead of rating piles of dogshit you watch something good instead? NT by Have you seen The Expanse? 06/21/2020, 8:40pm PDT NEW
            No. Tell me about it. NT by N/A Ever 06/21/2020, 10:48pm PDT NEW
                Realistic sci-fi meets great characters. Foul-mouthed Iranian Olenna Tyrell. NT by "I am that guy" 06/22/2020, 5:01am PDT NEW
                    expanse is rewarding but takes a while to get into for some people NT by saltlord 06/22/2020, 7:12am PDT NEW
        I am unconvinced. by Brody Wilder 06/22/2020, 1:27am PDT NEW
            Rey was awesome in The Last Jedi, btw. by Brody Wilder 06/22/2020, 2:25am PDT NEW
            people who like Rogue One over the prequels are into the battles and dour tone by saltlord 06/22/2020, 7:15am PDT NEW
                The prequels sucked. Rogue One at a minimum *sucked less* NT by laudablepuss 06/22/2020, 8:38am PDT NEW
                    the prequels are not star wars films by saltlord 06/22/2020, 3:45pm PDT NEW
                I don't know how to square what I like about noir with what I like about Star Wa by Brody Wilder 06/22/2020, 1:46pm PDT NEW
                    sustained atmosphere of unfulfilled desire is as far as we get in the last NT by third of the film, though it's thin 06/22/2020, 3:59pm PDT NEW
            "CGI Peter Cushing was an abomination" holy shit he was in less than 100 frames NT by you lunatic 06/22/2020, 11:20am PDT NEW
                I'd like to hear you guys give a passionate defense of "Skyline" next! NT by Mischief Maker 06/22/2020, 12:06pm PDT NEW
                    Can that even be done? NT by N/A Ever 06/23/2020, 9:20am PDT NEW
                        Re: Can that even be done? by Mischief Maker 06/23/2020, 9:53am PDT NEW
                            that was not even as good as the superlaser explosion in Rogue One cuz of franch by saltlord 06/23/2020, 10:52am PDT NEW
                                Sure beats the stupidity of the "hammerhead corvette." BONK! NT by MM 06/23/2020, 11:10am PDT NEW
                                    we both know the script of spaceballs wrote itself NT by saltlord 06/23/2020, 10:00pm PDT NEW
 
powered by pointy