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| I liked it well enough. SPOILERS. by Malaysian Nerve Pinch Resistance 03/08/2018, 1:47pm PST | ||||
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| It was pretty much exactly what I imagine all the staggeringly well-made serialized TV shows of the day are like when I decide not to watch any of them. If I'm going to watch one, though, it might as well be the one with Star Trek in the title. So I'll be back for season two.
It was cool they hired a bunch of ethnically and sexually diverse actors. I often have trouble keeping characters straight and a little colour coding goes a long way. I can't remember what show it was I was watching but everyone was a clean-shaven white guy in a uniform and I was constantly going "wait I thought he was in the other hummvee and a jerk before what's going on?" Here they even have multiple versions of some characters and it's never a problem. Speaking of multiples, was it ever explained why they couldn't shoot up a second navigator? I know human experimentation is unethical and blah blah blah but once one guy did it what's the harm? Or did he have a special gene for becoming a plant man piggybacking on the gene that made him a gay man? PS: I called him being some kind of plant man when I thought his name was Stamens (it was actually something phonetically indistinguishable from Stamens). I didn't call him being a gay man until the episode they revealed it, I just thought he was PRISSY. There's no way the production quality of this first season is going to be sustainable going forward. Every contractor involved is going to want more money, and the budget is going to get slashed once CBS realizes you can't actually make any money on the internet. There's also no way the writers are ever going to burn through three seasons worth of plot in the course of 15 episodes again. At first I thought Doug Jones was the guy who played Pinhead in Hellraiser, I was impressed how spry he seemed for a 70 year old man. It turns out Pinhead was Doug Bradley, Doug Jones is younger and based on his IMDb page probably about to get really expensive. This might be the first time I ever watched an entire season of Star Trek HOPING they would start pushing the reset button. Once we hit the second to last episode and everything was just getting more and more unresolved I figured it was only a matter of time before Stamens opened his eyes and everyone was like "congratulations, we just made our first jump, see any crazy bad futures while you were on the internet of plants?" Or even better, after jumping nine months forward they could've jumped eighteen or whatever months back so Michael Burnham could kill herself before she had a chance to fuck everything up. Then season two could just be a normal Star Trek show starring Michelle Yeoh as a lady captain with a good head on her shoulders. As it was, those last two episodes felt really, really rushed and incoherent and bad. If all it took to blow up a planet was tossing a single satchel charge that every starship is equipped with in an unguarded hole that every criminal scumbag knows about, there wouldn't be any planets left. Maybe the Vulcans would have the self-discipline not to blow themselves up but, oh wait, no, there was that one episode earlier in the season where one of them injected himself with boom juice (nitro glycerin) to blow up Sarek's shuttle. So yeah every planet would be gone. It's getting harder and harder for me to suspend my disbelief that any species on Star Trek could develop interstellar travel when the best tactic any of them can come up with is suicide bombing. I was especially disappointed in the Klingons, who were doing that shit despite WINNING the war, which is just unprecedented in terms of stupidity. I was honestly ready for a return to crafty blackface Klingons in this but whatever, this is supposed to be the Discovery thread and not the my own personal Star Trek fan fic thread. That one would have way more naked legs in it. On the subject, Burnham's and Yeoh's were nice, but how come we never got to see Admiral Vash's legs? Or the gay doctor's? You know he wasn't cast for his acting ability any more than the believability of his teeth. Yeah, it's more fun to talk about what Discovery got wrong than what it got right, like the special effects. What can you say about special effects in sci-fi except they're wasted on adults? I bet I would've loved all those boring starship battles when I was a kid. I might've even thought standing alone at your standing desk eating fortune cookies in the dark was fucking bad ass instead of about three dumb character tics too many. See how much easier that is? I'd better stop now before I talk myself out of renewing whichever pointless monthly subscription they expect people to buy to watch this and only this. A terrible business plan for a decent show. |
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