Forum Overview :: Reviews
 
Unhealthy Comparisons by James Burke 10/08/2016, 11:57pm PDT
inviting unhealthy comparisons (which is better, Hearthstone or The Last of Us?)


The ability to see patterns and connections between seemingly unrelated things is a big part of what makes me a genius. I could be sucking a milkshake through a straw and out of the blue invent a new way to pump oil out of the ground or semen out of my dick. So sometimes I forget that if I were to give a normal man two even slightly dissimilar video games and ask him which one is more fun, his brain would short circuit like my dicksucking machine trying to understand 'love'. So here is a protocol for objectively rating games which I just devised by glancing at things on my desk.

Note the time on your clock. Now, play the game for a while. Finally, check your clock again. How much time has elapsed? This is your score, in human and dicksucking machine readable numbers (or, in the case of an analog clock, tumescence). If you're still looking for more out of your games than a way to kill time until you're ready to go again, invent yourself a fucking life.
PREVIOUS NEXT REPLY QUOTE
 
Trends in reviews by skip 10/08/2016, 10:16pm PDT NEW
    Agree to the bullet points by Who reviews the reviewers? 10/08/2016, 11:20pm PDT NEW
    Unhealthy Comparisons by James Burke 10/08/2016, 11:57pm PDT NEW
        Are you left handed? NT by Mysterio 10/09/2016, 7:44am PDT NEW
            I haven't had to use either hand since I built my robot, S.H.O.P.V.A.C by James Burke 10/09/2016, 3:03pm PDT NEW
                We should "blank bump" to support posts that we like. I'll start. NT by Mysterio 10/10/2016, 7:57am PDT NEW
    I used to like review scores. I guess I still do. by Ice Cream Jonsey 10/10/2016, 8:52pm PDT NEW
        Re: I used to like review scores. I guess I still do. by Mischief Maker 10/10/2016, 9:15pm PDT NEW
            The comptetive multiplayer really drags you in by imagine party babyz 10/10/2016, 10:06pm PDT NEW
            Re: I used to like review scores. I guess I still do. by Ice Cream Jonsey 10/11/2016, 3:53pm PDT NEW
                Bouncing Babies wins based on NT by narrative driven action, CGA 10/11/2016, 9:39pm PDT NEW
        There still should be a way to account for multiple reviewers on a site by skip 10/11/2016, 9:37am PDT NEW
        But they don't USE THE WHOLE SCALE like I do! DOES ANYONE STILL CARE ABOUT ME? NT by Tom Chick 10/11/2016, 9:45pm PDT NEW
            No. Shouldn't you be working on your Kickstarter episodes? NT by Everyone 10/11/2016, 9:58pm PDT NEW
                October's MY month, I'm busy jizzing about horror movies no one's seen! NT by Tom Chick 10/11/2016, 11:01pm PDT NEW
    Polygon declares scores are for babies by It's pretty bad 10/02/2018, 5:03pm PDT NEW
        "We'll post less words, by less people, and mostly through listicles by because funding was cut" 10/02/2018, 10:31pm PDT NEW
        Oh man. Every single sentence makes me want to bitch-slap the writer by blackwater 10/03/2018, 5:12pm PDT NEW
        Polygon is in a weird place and is undergoing an identity crisis by IPB 05/04/2020, 3:43pm PDT NEW
            I don't understand how they got famous. by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/04/2020, 6:02pm PDT NEW
                Me. Look at this blue check, motherfuckers NT by Ben Kuchera 05/04/2020, 10:03pm PDT NEW
                Only famous in their citation circle by Hecteyes 05/05/2020, 11:22pm PDT NEW
 
powered by pointy