Jerry Whorebach wrote:

Where I live, Canada, you're only allowed to increase a man's rent by a certain percentage each year, and you certainly aren't allowed to evict him without cause. Cleverly, my new landlord seems to have found a way around these obstacles. Yesterday, he silently taped an eviction notice to my door, on the grounds that my apartment required renovation which would necessitate my absence. Today, he came to me with an alternate proposal: accept something called a "dramatic rent increase" (25%!), and he would be willing to scale back the urgent renovations to just replacing my kitchen counter tops and some minor maintenance. Apparently the counter tops I have now are some kind of safety hazard because they're not flush with the surface of my stove, they're actually 1cm higher. He also pointed out several other serious problems, such as unhung closet doors and an ugly, old-fashioned thermostat. And would I mind writing these problems down so he can get right on them? My handwriting is probably so much neater than his.

Here's how stupid I am: after staying up all night anxiously playing Might & Magic Clash of Heroes (which is pretty good, BTW) and worrying about my impending eviction, I came *this close* to signing the contract he stuck in front of me just to get all this over with. Fortunately, I had second thoughts at the last minute, and asked if I could have a week to think it over. He said "of course," (he was very understanding), and immediately began tearing up the contract. When I asked him what the fuck he was doing, he said he made a slight mathematical error on this one that would've ended up saving me some money anyway, but that he'd have another ready next week. When I asked him if I could have a copy of a sample contract to go over on my own, he told me contracts were private things and no car dealership, for example, would let you walk out with a copy of one of theirs unless it already had your signature on it. Then he asked me not to discuss this with any of the other tenants, because he wasn't planning on offering all of them the same sweetheart deal.

So I guess I'm looking for a new apartment, and maybe a pair of vanity eyeglasses so I don't look like a complete moron?