Driving Gloves: I’ve been driving for over fifteen years. I’ve driven fast. I’ve driven wild. I’ve driven drunk. Never in my life have I said, “You know what would make me better at this, gloves.” The steering wheel itself is made of material that is designed to stick to the human hand, scientists make sure of it. Wearing gloves provides a buffer between the steering wheel and the nerve endings in your hands.

In reality, if you’re beating a guy to death with a hammer in a strip club dressing room, the strippers won’t quietly sit there, perched like expressionless mannequins on a pier watching the submarine races. They will be freaking the fuck out like people on Jerry Springer. Whoever wrote that knows nothing of exotic dancers nor their ilk.