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| relatedly. by up with pod people 01/11/2010, 2:56pm PST | ||||
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| (3:38:36 PM) uwpp: ANYWAY what did you do for your birfdeh
(3:38:51 PM) HGB: i went out to dinner at a local steakhouse (3:38:58 PM) uwpp: how was your local steak (3:39:06 PM) HGB: it was very good! (3:39:16 PM) HGB: tender, with a spicy rub (3:40:10 PM) uwpp: I love the smell of a steak and then I bite it and: pennies (3:40:16 PM) HGB: hahahahah (3:40:24 PM) uwpp: THEN: violent intestinal distress (3:40:28 PM) uwpp: so no steak for me :( (3:40:30 PM) HGB: you're supposed to cook it first (3:40:31 PM) uwpp: but I will admire it from here (3:40:48 PM) uwpp: hahahaa reminding me of a steak tartar story I once read (3:40:54 PM) uwpp: guy got a taste for it in europe (3:41:00 PM) uwpp: then... what's your tolerance for gross (3:41:21 PM) HGB: high (3:41:43 PM) uwpp: ok so he gets home after a few weeks and he notices weird white "stains" when he is wiping after a shit (3:41:53 PM) uwpp: and finally he goes to the doc and he's like "aha you have a tapeworm." (3:41:59 PM) HGB: dohhhhhh (3:42:08 PM) uwpp: "what is happening is the tapeworm is so healthy and happy it's grown to the length of your digestive system." (3:42:15 PM) uwpp: "and parts are coming off at the end." (3:42:26 PM) uwpp: so he gets medicine to kill the tapeworm, naturally. (3:42:40 PM) uwpp: and he's looking forward to the medicine doing its job -- then digesting the worm (3:42:50 PM) uwpp: some unexpected things occurred. (3:42:50 PM) uwpp: 1. (3:43:01 PM) uwpp: he felt it die; spasming and twitching through his entire body. (3:43:05 PM) HGB: O_____O (3:43:14 PM) uwpp: 2. he did NOT digest it. it had to pass. (3:43:23 PM) uwpp: 3. it began to pass in a coffee shop bathroom. (3:43:28 PM) HGB: O_________________O (3:43:39 PM) uwpp: 4. he had to wrap his hands in toilet paper and pull it out, hand over hand. (3:44:11 PM) uwpp: apparently he still likes steak tartar, though. ^_^ ~fin~ (3:44:11 PM) HGB: there are worse ways to spend an evening, i'm sure, but i'm hard pressed to think of any right now (3:45:28 PM) HGB: that's bad (3:45:32 PM) HGB: that's...that's bad (3:46:24 PM) uwpp: yeah so mmm delicious red meat ahahah I am a shitty person. (3:46:34 PM) uwpp: how was your birthday HERE LET ME RUIN IT (3:46:52 PM) HGB: hahahahaa (3:47:16 PM) HGB: i think steak remains more delicious than the threat of having to pull a tapeworm out of my ass (3:47:35 PM) HGB: of course, this is shaping up exactly like an afterschool special (3:47:41 PM) HGB: IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME (3:47:47 PM) uwpp: pushers in the alley (3:47:48 PM) HGB: jump cut to me screaming and pulling (3:47:53 PM) uwpp: offering raw ground meat (3:48:05 PM) uwpp: HGB looking askance, what could happen (3:48:11 PM) uwpp: it's only once (3:48:27 PM) HGB: AIDS, pregnancy, worms from the asshole (3:48:41 PM) uwpp: all at once (3:48:42 PM) HGB: basically, eating steak tartare could turn you into qb (3:48:47 PM) uwpp: AAAAAhahahahahahaha (3:48:57 PM) uwpp: AIDS, pregnancy, worms from the asshole, self-hating racism (3:49:08 PM) HGB: hahahahaha (3:49:18 PM) HGB: is it even racism if it's a kiwi? (3:49:38 PM) HGB: like, does that count? (3:49:49 PM) uwpp: I'm sorry an Australian what? (3:49:58 PM) HGB: i dunno (3:50:06 PM) HGB: all i know is that europe was so jealous of us (3:50:12 PM) HGB: they had to go and get their own alabama (3:50:17 PM) uwpp: OHHH |
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