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| Operation Barbarossa by Quétinbec 01/01/2010, 4:21am PST | ||||
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| After the failures in Syria, I made a renewed effort to whore Turkey. Prostitution is legal in Turkey, but fuck knows where you can find the state approved brothels. I knew about two red light areas in Istanbul - one was legal. I was walking through the illegal one to see if I could make sense of it. I made eye contact with a shady looking guy on a street corner. He tried to make conversation with me, but I kept walking because I wasn't ready to do anything at the time. He yelled out "Russian girls" after me. Apart from him, I couldn't find out any other obvious source of whores. Sure, there are hotels that double as brothels, but there are also a lot of legit hotels there too and I'm not about to walk into random hotel receptions and ask, "Do you have any girls?" and have them look at me like I'm a piece of shit.
I left Istanbul without having fucked a whore. A few weeks later, I returned and decided it was time to try my luck with the Russians. This wasn't before trying to find the legal prostitution street, though. Apparently, it's fenced off and guarded by two policemen who frisk those who enter (women and children aren't allowed in). Given all this, you'd think it shouldn't be too hard to find. It was though, so I had to turn to the illegal red light district instead. It's a scary thing following a pimp through dark foreign alleyways, so I give that process a lot of thought. Usually, I bring an almost empty wallet with me. In it, I have an expired gift Visa card and a handful of small foreign notes. It's not completely empty, because if I drop an empty wallet and run, that only buys me the two seconds it takes a mugger to pick up and open the wallet - assuming he's willing to chase me. If I drop a wallet with, say a 500 Bahrain fil note, 100 Syrian pounds, 300 Omanese Baiza, that buys another 2-5 seconds as the guy tries to figure out whether the cash is worth something (about $5, motherfucker!). 4 seconds is a long enough head start for me to make it somewhere crowded, even with an ankle not at 100%. That's the theory. On this occasion, I didn't load my wallet with small denominations of foreign currency. I put the equivilent of about $US100 in the wallet and $US50 in a secret pocket. I felt that if I was robbed, I deserved to lose about $100 (and the robber would probably believe this was all I had and not search me hard for more). I was more concerned about losing my room key. It has my hotel and room on it. If he got back there before me, I'd be fucked. The wallet I could give up, but I'd have to fight for the keys. If it came to that, I'd tell him that I needed my keys and that my girlfriend was back at the hotel. It was a long walk to the red light district: about 6-8km up and down hills. I was hungry, but had psyched myself up to do this, and didn't want to lose that by stopping and sitting down for food. I might change my mind. I wanted to pick a Kebap off a streetside vendor and eat it on the run, but I couldn't find one on route. It was infuriating because ordinarily they're everywhere and luckily I was sober, because I was very close to yelling, "I'm in Turkey - where the FUCK are the kebaps?!" to no one in particular because I was quite stressed. I got one eventually, and some water too, and I spent a lot of time thinking about how much of the water I should drink because I didn't want to have to go for a piss half way through my fuck. I wanted everything to go like clockwork. When I got to the whore street, I felt like backing out, but I walked on. I made eye contact with two shady guys, but they didn't act on it. The third shady guy on a corner near two taxi drivers did. He asked me where I was from. I said Australia. I said my name was Andrew. In Asia, I used to say I was American. I don't do that in the Middle East. He asked wher I was going and if I wanted to go to a nightclub with some girls. I was nervous, which I didn't expect. I stared at him a while and said, "Girls." I can't remember what he said exactly, but he kept going on about some night club. Fuck the night club. To get him on the same page as me, I said, "How much are the girls." The two taxi drivers were, I think, out of earshot, but there was a black guy selling watches on a carpet next to us who could hear everything. No matter where I am in the world, when I'm trying to buy a whore, there always seems to be a black guy around. I bet I could be in Finland and black guy would appear. It's hilarious because I probably only saw 10 black guys in all my time here. BLACKS! Anyway, he asked me whether I wanted the girls for an hour or for the night. Russian girls and Uzbek girls. This was a good sign. If he just wanted to rob me, he probably would have launched into a "Follow me to the beautiful girls!" routine. He sounds legit! I said I only wanted them for the hour. He said it was $10 for the girl and $30 for the room. BUT he said it was a 5 minute taxi ride away. This made me very suspicious. I was in the red light district. I shouldn't have to catch a taxi anywhere. I told him I'd walk. This was a bluff because I'd already forgotten the name of the hotel. He asked me why I'd walk. He said it was a 20 minute walk or a 5 minute taxi ride. I'd already walked for over an hour. I walked in the direction he'd gestured towards. This was also conveniently, the end of the red light district. I saw no other signs of sleaze, however. There were hotels, but as I've already mentioned, I wasn't prepared to ask around in hotels. I decided to return to the man. I didn't think it was a bad thing that I'd walked away from him earlier. I wanted him to think I was suspicious. I walked back and smiled at him. I asked him again about the price of the girls. This time he said the girls were $30 and the room was $10. Maybe he just got them mixed up last time? Either way, it's only costing $40 and I arrived expecting to pay $100. He told me to get in his taxi. It wasn't his taxi, though, it was his friends and he hopped in the passenger's seat. This was my first big concern. Why the fuck was he coming along? Just drop me at the brothel and let me fuck. I hoped he just wanted to pick up his commission. They drove for quite a while. I told him so. He had said it was only going to be 5 minutes. He kept lying to me about the distance - that it was just around the corner. Also, he only charged me a flat fee the equivilent of $7 for the taxi drive, which was less than he would have made if he'd used his meter, which worried me because it meant he expected to make his money back in other ways. He tried to put my mind at ease by trying to make conversation. "Hilton hotel. 5 star hotel. Good" "Tomorrow. New year's eve. Good." The area he was taking was close to my hotel. This was convenient. It was also a worry, though. It's quite an upmarket area and not the kind of place you'd expect to find a $50 fuckhouse. He stopped at a place that looked a bit run down. That was a good sign. The bouncer didn't look that scary, either. I could probably tell him to fuck off. Also good. He came inside with me. He said if "we" didn't like it "we" could leave. I had hoped he'd just show his face to get his commission and then fuck off, but he sat down at a table and gestured for me to join him. I didn't want to look all the girls up and down but I did size up a few of them discreetly on my way to the table. Very unimpressive. Nothing I couldn't pull at a bar legitimately. Some were fat; some were old. I sat down with this man and made my shit plain. I said, "Look, I'm not here to buy drinks. I don't want to buy drinks. I Just want to have sex with a prostitute. I want to pay money to have sex with a prostitute." He couldn't understand me. This is another funny thing I've discovered about whoring: a lot of the foreign whores don't know what the word prostitute means. They also don't know the word 'whore'. He called for the waiter. The waiter brought me a drinks menu. All the drinks cost $15. I put the menu down. I was quite angry. I told the waiter I wanted to pay money to have sex with a girl. He told me to buy a drink. He said he'd get a girl and I could buy her a drink. I said, "I don't want to buy her a fucking drink!" I was in a good position. I was in easy walking distance of my hotel and no one in the room looked as if they could intimidate me physically. The waiter told me, "You have to buy a drink. That's the system." I told him to fuck his system. I wasn't being too aggressive, though, I don't think. I said I would give him $20 and I'd give the taxi dude $20 and then I'd pay the whore, but I didn't want to buy anyone a drink. He laughed at this. The taxi guy couldn't understand why I was getting angry so the waiter would translate for him. During his translations, he once used the word "massage parlour". I pounced on that, but the waiter kept going on about the system and handing me the menu. I slammed the menu on the table and then said this ridiculous thing, "NO! I don't know where you guys are from, but we don't fuck around like this in the Persian Gulf!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! That still cracks me up because, I did know where they were from. He'd already told me he was from Turkey, and why the fuck was some Australian going on about how things are done in the Persian Gulf? They didn't call me on that bullshit, though, because I was pretty hyped up and went on and on about some other shit. I then made one last attempt to make a deal. I said, "I want to pay money to have sex now. No drinks. Can I pay you both money, and her money (I gestured to no one) to have sex now?" The waiter laughed again, and repeated that there was the system here. I suppose because they have this legalized prostitution, guys who just want a fuck go to legal whorehouses, if they can find them. This 'drinks' bullshit is for dipshits who like to pretend they've "won the girl over" through conversation and expensive drinks. Fuck that. I tried the whore drinks thing once in the past and it cost me $500. At least then she was slightly attractive though, and I sure a fuck didn't have to buy drinks for some asshole taxi driver at $15 a piece. What the fuck, Turkey?! Fuck that shit. I walked out. |
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