Caltrops - [Prototype] - Tom Chick says FRY IT

Forum Overview :: [Prototype]

by Worm 06/16/2009, 11:28pm PDT

http://www.crispygamer.com/gamereviews/2009-06-16/prototype-xbox-360.aspx

I was fighting one of the game's various bosses. It was some kind of mound of goo in Times Square. It had tentacles that smacked me if I got within punching range. Little green energy balls floated around it and homed in on me when I got close. Occasionally, the goo mound would send out a blast wave. All the while, superfast mutants swarmed me and knocked me over. There was a hit-point bar for the mass of goo, and then a series of hit-point hash marks for the goo's armor or support structures or carapace or something. I was just staying alive as long as I could to do damage, hoping I would reach some sort of checkpoint before dying, which was happening with frequency. I'd beaten the boss twice, but each time -- psyche! -- it turned out I was only beating one stage of the boss, at which point it would come back with more hit-point hash marks. Who knew how long this was going to go on?

He's just lying here. I know that seems like a bit much, though, give me a moment.

He's coming right out of the gate and trying hard to misrepresent the game. The bosses are pretty basic, you can't get near them, so you chuck shit. You don't really need to do this with the first boss, it's pretty necessary for the second, and the same for the third and fourth. VARIOUS HE SAYS, and there are just four in the game, and one you fight twice, and the first is barely a full fledged boss.

He's fought two up to this point. I don't think he means to lie, though this is a man who isn't tired of this game, he's just tired of his life and the choices he's made in it, and this game takes the brunt of this breakdown. Later he writes "I was sick of this game and its terrible boss fights.", he means four boss fights, and this is an important distinction because I'd have liked more boss fights.

"Who knew how long this was going to go on?", well it might have something to do with the Boss's fucking HEALTH METER. It was a long fight, though holy shit, why lie? Is it easier to write when you lie?

I don't see how anyone couldn't understand the time square boss fight immediately. It was hard, okay, though if you play carefully and think through it you shouldn't have much problems. Basically the boss has some shields (which only you can break, not the military, gay), and when you break them it's vulnerable for a bit, you hit it, it retreats and comes back. You don't deplete it's life bar completely before it retreats. Each time it's life bare only goes down as much as you hit it (the military can help you now). So it's pretty obvious you repeat it, though Tom couldn't possibly understand that right? This is such a hatchet job, I'd feel bad for the Prototype team if it was written somewhere else than CrispyGamer.

So you either whip the tendrils down while keeping your distance, throw things, or go into a fucking tank and attack it. It was a bad boss fight, though the game certainly gives you a number of options. Hell, you can probably even drop an artillery strike on it, something Tom fails to see the utils in as he says in the comments. Though as Tom points out, it's not an option to get your hair cut, or drive a car, or have sex with a hooker. It's really no option at all if there isn't some moral nonsense tacked on.

I think it's sad that making Prototype sound bad became such an issue that he had to be disingenuous about the boss fights, it sets a tone for the rest of the review. He even gets into the game being insensitive about 9/11 and manages to complain about getting paid to play video games.

That's pretty much the extent of the game design in Prototype: something to do. If you want. Shrug. Peppered among the 31 story missions like garnish are discrete challenges of the usual sorts. Kill so many dudes in so much time. Run between these points in this time limit. Hit these waypoints. Jump on this spot. Something to do. They spring up like mushrooms as you play. By the time you've finished the game, Manhattan will be crowded with about a hundred side activities with virtually no incentive to play any of them.

Tom is a man who has forgotten his incentive in doing anything. Why laugh? Why cry? Why live? I can tell you the reason I did all the challenges in Prototype, because I liked most of them, I did a few for completion, though the race and glide ones are all pretty fun, and a few of the destruction ones are good. It's the same reason you do anything in any other game ever. Maybe Infamous was bland enough to not offend Tom's current spat with depression and existential doom? I don't know, I knew a guy like Tom Chick wouldn't like the game, though I didn't think he'd look like such a horrible baby while doing it.