Caltrops - No Stairway to Heaven





	[quote name="Zsenitan"]<font color=blue>Choson The Cop:</font> <i>(Waits at traffic intersection in a lowered 2009 Lotus Exige in opalescent grey with glittering umber highlights, neon ground effects, and an extra spoiler (Dad's car.))</i> <font color=yellow>Traffic Light:</font> <i>(Is red.)</i> <font color=pink>Big fat girl:</font> <i>(Pulls up to red light and comes to complete halt.)</i> <font color=blue>Choson The Cop:</font> <i>(to himself, muttering from the depths of his Italian beef sandwich (sweet peppers, extra juice, no gardineria or onions.)) Stupid bitch.</i> <font color=yellow>Traffic Light:</font> <i>(Turns green.)</i> <font color=pink>Big fat girl:</font> <i>(Looking both ways first, she starts to accelerate and move through the completely empty intersection.)</i> <font color=blue>Choson The Cop:</font> IT'S GO TIME. <i>(He screams manfully; chunks of beef and sopping bread spatter against his windshield. Slapping an impromptu cop light onto the hood of his car, he blasts after her, tires squealing, engine hitting rev numbers that must be measured in scientific notation to fit on the 6 digit display. He tailgates.)</i> <font color=pink>Big fat girl:</font> <i>(Bewildered, she pulls into the nearest parking lot: a 7-11.)</i> <font color=blue>Choson The Cop:</font> <i>(Jumps out of car, the long crimson silk streamers dangling from his double hip holsters and single shoulder holster streaming behind him like the blood of a wounded dragon behind a wounded dragon. Although the woman's car window is down, he knocks on her roof and makes a "roll down your window" motion.)</i> Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over. <font color=pink>Big fat girl:</font> Actually I cannot fathom. Are you a cop? <font color=blue>Choson The Cop:</font> I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE, <i>MISS</i>. <font color=pink>Big fat girl:</font> <i>(Chastened, but annoyed.)</i> I'm sorry. But why did you pull me over? <font color=blue>Choson The Cop:</font> <i>(his nostrils flare meaningfully as he whips out a ticket book and scribbles with maximum righteous fury.)</i> Pay more attention. <i>(He hands her the ticket, which is covered in ersatz Chinese characters and a picture of a stick man chastening a stick woman.)</i> <font color=pink>Big fat girl:</font> <i>(reading the ticket, more bewildered than ever. The ticket charges her with "needing to pay more attention." A $2500 fine is prescribed and there is an appointed mandatory court date in 15 minutes.)</i> Oh my god - is this is a joke or something? <font color=blue>Choson The Cop:</font> ARE YOU RESISTING ARREST?! <i>(He shoots her with all three of his guns, then strides back to the car. Lighting a cigarette, which he does not smoke, he shakes his head sadly.)</i> Nobody... <i>nobody</i>... is above the law. [/quote]