Forum Overview :: =( :: Here's about a billion emails that sasy sent gogurts.

[quote name="Creexul :("]AS SEE ON MY JOURNAL [quote]Subj: RE: Alright. Date: 5/21/05 6:20:15 AM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com i love you, i don't know why you're being stupid. i'm not going to come stay with you, but i want you to know i love you anyway. i wanted to wake up next to you so badly. Subj: Date: 5/24/05 1:31:38 AM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com you prick come on aol and talk to me i've been fucking worried about you Subj: Re: Alright. Date: 5/24/05 4:28:34 AM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts@aol.com the people who know are aware that it's not unrequited. everyone who matters knows how much i cared for you. most people are just like, jesus christ, what the fuck did she do that made him so mad? it's not my fault that people are mad at you, you were the one that wrote those things. i'm just hiding behind my stupid pride, if anything. and of course i can't listen to gorguts. i miss you so dang bad, justin, and the feelings that i feel for you haven't gone away at all, they're still there. Subj: Date: 5/24/05 5:31:35 AM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com you know that person commented on my lj that i looked stoned but i had actually been crying my stupid head off about you, per usual since you left. Subj: the meme of my heart ha Date: 5/24/05 9:54:46 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts@aol.com you are like anakin skywalker. smart and sort of unstable but i still love you. come back to AIM please[/quote] Um wow. Gogurts said this one is his favorite (yeah thanks gogurt). [quote]Subj: Re: you might care about me, whatever, i knew that the day you did it Date: 5/30/05 4:25:47 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com i read a couple lines when i replied to that, i was too upset, i was tired of everything you say to me being some huge jerkfest. i appreciate what you say and you know what? i think you're right, i am tired of treating myself like an object. because i don't have you to talk to every night, i got really sad, so i started making friends again, and i'm realizing that i don't need to get all naked for people to like me. so yeah, i'm making those pictures private, and i don't think i'll do that stuff again. not that you care. i think what really hurt me was that you thought it necessary to tell people that i was raped. then, you tell me that you've taken shits that matter more than this. combined with my ex rejecting me harshly and this huge discussion going on in dog_latin's journal and theskimyoucrew about my "fakeness" and i've been feeling pretty fucking worthless and i continue to. eran and mario and others battle off the jerks and they end up apologizing and stuff but it still doesn't matter. and yeah i'm lonely and no one loves me specially and i spend like every night crying and i listen and posture gangsta rap only because anything else makes me feel weak and i feel weak and i feel like i'm going to be lonely forever. and when you talked to me i felt better but then you did that thing in my lj when i did (admittedly) flake out on you. but it just reminded me of how i can't trust anybody for anything at all and then when i saw how you mentioned that thing it just reinforced it. and now i'm like rudderless or shipless or whatever they say it is because i just feel like a vacancy where a person is supposed to be again. and i haven't felt like this since i was twelve, and i don't even remember that but lately i've been thinking about it a lot. and it's hard to think about something when you can't even remember it and try to draw conclusions about your personality from an event that didn't even last longer than most showers i take. so i question if it's really all from that i don't even know why i'm telling you this because obviously you do not even care, you do not even care enough to not mention it to jerks in your journal, and i can just picture you summarizing me up to your ex as "well, she was raped, you know" and that just makes me sick inside. it makes me want to throw up i'm sorry this writing isn't very stylized or intelligent and has too many yeah's and stuff. i just, i didn't want to try to sit down and write a fancy letter so it's mostly stream-of-thought.[/quote] Here are mails when she got to New York. [quote]Subj: JUSTIN Date: 6/16/05 10:10:03 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts@aol.com i'm in your stupid city i'm lonely i want you to come over to my hotel and i will make everything up to you and not in a sleazy way either. i won't be a jerk it will be great and we will have fun so call me, you know my number if not it's on my newest lj entry. :x cassandra Subj: you jerk Date: 6/20/05 12:52:40 AM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts@aol.com can't you just call me it's my last night at the w Date: 6/23/05 1:41:22 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com justin, yeah, i imagined you'd see that sooner or later (probably sooner, because it was the source of our "falling out" or whatever you'd call what happened) and i apologize for all the things that i typed about you, i was upset and angry. the fact remains that i was betrayed and i could really use a friend in new york right now. you're right, it is lonely, and while thor and his girlfriend are great, wonderful people i still need a friend more than ever. i don't imagine very much sympathy for me remains, and you're probably even more upset by what you've read and had time to ruminate on. but right now i'm really sad and i'd like to see you. people here are gay and i don't want to make new friends. so if you could find it in your heart to contact me or whatever, i'll be gone this weekend in VA, but if you could that'd be great. if you don't want to just type no back and i'm sure you probably will but i figured i might as well give it a chance Subj: RE: also Date: 6/23/05 4:30:12 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com i know you're right about a lot of things, it was the worst experience of my life (well, second) and i wish i would've listened to you, i wish i would've so bad it hurts. i get back in town from VA sunday night. my phone is ... but its off right now because it ran out of batteries. i'll have it on and charged later tonight. i'm so glad you reconsidered, seriously, i've been suffering this pretty lame and major depressive episode since i've left and i've gotten my hair cut and makeup so i feel a lot better but i still just want to be around someone i know. thor and his lady are setting me up on dates and i mean that's okay but eh. i haven't even read his lj since i saw those posts because they disgust me so majorly. thor quit being the guys friend over this, for good reason i think. thanks so much, really, i can't even describe how much it means to me. love cassandra Subj: Re: also Date: 6/23/05 9:38:59 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com yeah well he is a moron and he's been arranging portions of my AIM conversations to suit this weird, fucked up picture of me he's created and everyone (pretty much) thinks he's a moron. but yeah, i haven't boffed anyone else on this trip, and yeah, i guess you should meet me. you can call me whenever you want, etc. i wasn't lying to you this whole time, either. he just continues to get all crazy and weird on me, and i'm pretty much helpless to this whole situation. so yeah, call me tonight (preferably) or on monday afternoon. of course i'll listen to no one but you. Subj: Re: also Date: 6/25/05 12:37:08 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com yeah you're right just call me sunday night @ around 10 ok Subj: Re: also Date: 6/27/05 3:25:12 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts (GOGURT)@aol.com you're telling me. i can't think about it without crying and feeling dirty, and gross, and used, etc. but last night, i waited around for your phone call. hoping i had your phone number, so i could call you. but you never called. and i waited this morning, too. and i worried about going on the subway, in case you called. and you didn't. and it's just hurtful, so if you're going to call, call today. or just don't call at all, but at least tell me which one you're going to do. i can't just sit around in anticipation. i want to hang out with you. Subj: hi Date: 6/27/05 11:15:59 PM Atlantic Daylight Time From: catmast (c lf) To: goorguts@aol.com i got your message when i was in the theater watching land of the dead and then my phone died it sucked, i bought a charger and sat in circuit city just so i could charge it a little for you to call me, im calling you but i got a busy number. im near 14th street right now, call me, okay? love cassandra[/quote] Here's an AIM log [quote]goorguts (GOGURT) [2:47 AM]: hey you cj (SASY) [2:48 AM]: hey!! goorguts (GOGURT) [2:48 AM]: i've missed you a lot cj (SASY) [2:48 AM]: me too cj (SASY) [2:48 AM]: tons cj (SASY) [2:49 AM]: seriously goorguts (GOGURT) [2:49 AM]: really? cj (SASY) [2:49 AM]: yeah of course cj (SASY) [2:49 AM]: what have you been doing cj (SASY) [2:49 AM]: jerk i can't believe you haven't come on sooner goorguts (GOGURT) [2:50 AM]: thinking. cj (SASY) [2:52 AM]: so um cj (SASY) [2:53 AM]: i'm going to detroit on tuesday. and when i get there, i'm going to tell him i don't want to have sex with him, but that i'll hang out with him, because i don't just "have sex" with people like that, i have to care about them. goorguts (GOGURT) [2:53 AM]: are you really going to do that? cj (SASY) [2:53 AM]: yeah cj (SASY) [2:54 AM]: i've planned it, eran and drew and stuff, they notice how uncofmortable and stressed i've been lately cj (SASY) [2:54 AM]: i've been scared goorguts (GOGURT) [2:55 AM]: well, that's what you told me back then too. goorguts (GOGURT) [2:55 AM]: remember? cj (SASY) [2:55 AM]: yeah goorguts (GOGURT) [2:55 AM]: or did you lie back then? cj (SASY) [2:56 AM]: hm, i don't know if i'd call that lying cj (SASY) [2:56 AM]: i planned it, but i changed my mind goorguts (GOGURT) [2:56 AM]: what made you change your mind? cj (SASY) [2:56 AM]: i'm planning this, too, but i can still change my mind. taht's the beauty of personal accountability. although i don't want to, and i think i'm cool enough with who i am to treat myself with respect cj (SASY) [2:57 AM]: i didn't want to be seen a a lady that changes her mind, i didn't want to be a tease. goorguts (GOGURT) [2:58 AM]: personally, i think you're full of it. cj (SASY) [2:59 AM]: uh okay. ha goorguts (GOGURT) [2:59 AM]: ha? cj (SASY) [3:00 AM]: look, i had a lot of people, a lot of his friends, talking it up to me cj (SASY) [3:00 AM]: like, daily cj (SASY) [3:01 AM]: it was hard. goorguts (GOGURT) [3:01 AM]: i'm sure it was. cj (SASY) [3:02 AM]: hey there rageful cj (SASY) [3:02 AM]: i'm sorry i hurt you cj (SASY) [3:02 AM]: i want to still be your friend cj (SASY) [3:02 AM]: you're making this hard goorguts (GOGURT) [3:03 AM]: what's so hard about it? cj (SASY) [3:04 AM]: i do care about you goorguts (GOGURT) [3:13 AM]: so what have you been doing? cj (SASY) [3:14 AM]: hanging out cj (SASY) [3:14 AM]: eating mushrooms cj (SASY) [3:15 AM]: hold on i'm getting a phone call cj (SASY) [3:36 AM]: i got so much cute underwear with tierney. goorguts (GOGURT) [3:36 AM]: cool. cj (SASY) [3:36 AM]: yeah i'm stoked on it cj (SASY) [3:40 AM]: i find it hard to believe that you can just be sitting around thinking goorguts (GOGURT) [3:40 AM]: well, obviously i do more than that. cj (SASY) [3:40 AM]: well then what do you do goorguts (GOGURT) [3:43 AM]: do things to make me feel better. i'm very competitive. cj (SASY) [3:43 AM]: yeah. goorguts (GOGURT) [3:48 AM]: do you still distrust me? cj (SASY) [3:48 AM]: nah not really that much. goorguts (GOGURT) [4:00 AM]: but when i'm home, there's a lot more time to dwell on things and there's nothing here to take my mind off it. cj (SASY) [4:00 AM]: yeah it makes you hate cassandra. goorguts (GOGURT) [4:02 AM]: i don't hate you. cj (SASY) [4:02 AM]: i'm scared for new york cj (SASY) [4:02 AM]: like cj (SASY) [4:02 AM]: really scared goorguts (GOGURT) [4:02 AM]: why? cj (SASY) [4:04 AM]: i don't know cj (SASY) [4:05 AM]: i dont' want to be a burden to kthor goorguts (GOGURT) [4:05 AM]: you're going to feel alone in NY. cj (SASY) [4:07 AM]: what do you mean?? goorguts (GOGURT) [4:07 AM]: when he's at work and you're alone. cj (SASY) [4:08 AM]: ill just go out and do shit goorguts (GOGURT) [4:09 AM]: where? cj (SASY) [4:09 AM]: outside? i'll probably go to a lot of bars and shit. goorguts (GOGURT) [4:09 AM]: in the morning? haha. cj (SASY) [4:09 AM]: oh you're right. cj (SASY) [4:09 AM]: well cj (SASY) [4:10 AM]: i don't know, i'll jus thang out and read comics and go shopping and eating cj (SASY) [4:10 AM]: and on little trips around the city goorguts (GOGURT) [4:10 AM]: he doesn't live near the city. queens isn't walking distance to the city. cj (SASY) [4:11 AM]: ill take a cab. cj (SASY) [4:11 AM]: or the public transportation goorguts (GOGURT) [4:11 AM]: haha, ok. cj (SASY) [4:12 AM]: dude, i really don't need you depressing bullshit right now cj (SASY) [4:12 AM]: it's just apparent how little you care about me cj (SASY) [4:12 AM]: because you like, obviously enjoy the idea of me being lonely and upset cj (SASY) [4:12 AM]: which is really lame, it's really immature, it's really childish cj (SASY) [4:12 AM]: you haven't changed that much goorguts (GOGURT) [4:15 AM]: i wouldn't say i'm depressed. cj (SASY) [4:15 AM]: whatever justin, my point is still valid cj (SASY) [4:15 AM]: you' cj (SASY) [4:15 AM]: re still a prick. goorguts (GOGURT) [4:17 AM]: i don't think i was trying to make you feel lonely or depressed. it's just that there's not much to look forward to here if you don't have anyone that'll make you happy. cj (SASY) [4:18 AM]: fuck you justin cj (SASY) [4:18 AM]: seriously cj (SASY) [4:18 AM]: fuck you for trying to make me feel upset cj (SASY) [4:18 AM]: it's pathetic goorguts (GOGURT) [4:19 AM]: hah. i wasn't trying anything. cj (SASY) [4:19 AM]: i do have people that will make me happy cj (SASY) [4:19 AM]: friends, which is more than you are goorguts (GOGURT) [4:20 AM]: hm. cj (SASY) [4:24 AM]: moron; cj (SASY) [4:24 AM]: that's so pathetic that me being upset makes you feel better cj (SASY) [4:26 AM]: you being upse tdoens't make me feel better cj (SASY) [4:26 AM]: it makes me feel SHITTY. cj (SASY) [4:26 AM]: becase i CARE about you. cj (SASY) [4:26 AM]: which you DONT goorguts (GOGURT) [4:28 AM]: yeah. sometimes that's the way the knish splits ;_;[/quote][/quote]