Caltrops - Peter Molyneux's The Movies





	[quote name="Rafiki"]If you can't remember anything about the first movie, here's a full recap: <b>ACT I</b> King of the Dwarves: I want my kingdom back! karaoke night Orcs: RAAAAUUUGH <b>ACT II</b> [chase scene for 2 hours] THE END ================================================ <ul> <li>In part 2 there's 2 hours of fight scenes.</li> <li>You will continue to completely not give a shit about any situation anyone is in because it's impossible anything bad will happen, so there's no suspense because there's no chance of consequences.</li> <li>The dwarves also have no distinguishable personalities at all, so even if there was a chance of consequences you wouldn't care anyways.</li> <li>There's an inexplicable love story that starts with an attraction that makes no sense.</li> <li>There's a moment in the movie where the song "Dreamweaver" is going to pop into your head. Try not to disturb the audience with laughter.</li> <li>If you don't walk out of the movie during the stupidest fucking moment of the barrel scene, you'll mentally check out of the movie at least</li> <li>The last 45 minutes is the goddamn dragon, but they telegraph what's going to happen 45 minutes in advance, Smaug has the personality of an old timey comic book villain being impressed with himself and reiterating how powerful and destructive he is, so if you're like me you'll spend the entire time sighing and thinking, "just fucking get on with it already"</li> <li>I've never read the Hobbit, is the gold statue part actually in the book because the whole scheme is completely baffling and retarded.</li> <li>If you're like me, the top 3 things you hated about the LOTR movies were 1) The Two Towers 2) Return of the King 3) Gandalf being played up as a magical badass, but not doing much more than waving a glowstick and falling down a pit. In this movie you actually see him do things which make him look powerful, so that's cool.</li> <li>Why in fuck is this movie called The Hobbit? Bilbo only appears to get those rascally dwarves out of a jam during their wacky adventures. We're 6 hours in and I still don't give a shit about him. Is he supposed to grow as a character, because he doesn't.</ul>[/quote]