Forum Overview :: The Zionist Media Conspiracy
 
Want! Jump! Push! by FABIO 02/22/2009, 1:00pm PST
Push joins the latest inexplicable trend of super hero movies starring clumsy voice overs explaining that the main character was orphaned at a young age before an aging black villain and the organization he works for comes to kill him.

Unlike the others (and all the previews leading you to believe it was entirely a Magneto super hero movie), it pushes the superpowers to the back and instead focuses on recreating previous movies. Holy shit is it trying to be so many different movies. It's mostly Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels meets The Professional (Dakota Fanning replaces Natalie Portman), with bits of Minority Report (Bring am umbrella!) and Total Recall, starring most of the main characters from Psi-Ops. It's about 90% tracking down the mysterious briefcase that every criminal and villain is out to kill them for so the heroes can eventually lead them all to a secluded location and wipe each other out before walking off with the score (which you will be able to see coming in the first 10 minutes), and 10% super powers (half of that being the main character using his Magneto powers for nothing more than shooting a levitating gun at people).

Which wouldn't be so bad if the MacGuffin chasing was interesting or clever, but it all comes down to this:

1. Problem.
2. Main character remembers yet another old friend with convenient power to solve the problem.

This cycle goes on for what felt like more than 2 hours. You have a giant cast of "movers" and "pushers" and "sniffers" and "shadows" and "bleeders" and "stitches" and "watchers" and "wipers" and you can't remember if pushers were the Magneto guys or the mind control guys and hey the main character just remembered he knows a "shifter" right when they need an object shifted.

It reaches the height of contrived caper movie at the end where, in order to artificially build suspense, the main character hatches a brilliant plan. Since the criminals have a "watcher" fortune teller that can predict their next move as soon as they think it, he writes down instructions for everyone that they can't read until the right time. Never is it explained why the fortune teller doesn't immediately pick up his thoughts on what he wrote down.

Yada yada yada, triple switcheroo, poor man's Ben Afleck, Mos Def, and Steve Buscemi walk happily away with grown up Dakota Fanning.

Still better than Wanted. Not a single exploding rat! Though there are exploding fish, but they aren't a major plot point and actually tie into related super powers.
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Want! Jump! Push! by FABIO 02/22/2009, 1:00pm PST NEW
 
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