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by Zsenitan 10/29/2008, 1:49pm PDT |
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Zsenitan's Road Trip Chronicle wrote:
At the end of the day Andy and I took a cab driven by a stuttering, mentally stunted, wild-eyed ex-trucker. I was pretty sure that this ride would end up as an It Could Happen To You?! story in one of Joe’s gun rags, but to everyone’s shock and awe it was totally the nicest – and cheapest – cab ride either Andy or I had taken in LA. The driver had a severe hip injury which prevented him from following his true passion: cooking. He told us about trucking in northern California, and how he didn’t make much money driving a cab (probably because he charges actual mileage and time rather than Imaginary Eastern European Polish Notation mileage and time) but at least it’s work. Andy tipped him $5 on a $12 fare. I tried to sound soothingly sympathetic, rather than horrified, regarding his unluckiness. He was grateful just to have an audience – grateful enough to stop his fare clock several blocks early, anyway.
After all the IT/Awful Little Man/everyone else on the planet drama, I felt queasy: that fucked dude in his fucked cab, being honest and going broke for it! If he only knew what awful little men make for lying and shirking.
Truth-telling and honest work are the foremost fairytales of American life, inculcated practically from the mother’s titty into every child. Almost everyone figures out that it is BS on the level of Santa Claus, but the mythology is as inescapable during one’s career as Santa is at Christmas. True believers suffer the most.
That's my cab story from last night's email to all my imaginary friends! It is my Marty.
You know what I like the best? The book's author made so much money from Marty's story and Marty's corpse and Marty's sweetness, but was a little too busy to say "hey Marty you should probably see a doctor!" Not even Marty said that to Marty. Marty was insufficiently selfish, to the point where his niceness was lethal, and consequently should have been considered a disease.
Normal healthy people like to read about Marty because it costs them nothing to be a little nicer: they're still inherently self-absorbed, and they're only being nice because they like the way it looks on them - a sweet pair of jeans perking up their sagging moral-consciousness ass. They will never become dangerously nice.
Abnormal fucked-up cynical people read about Marty and cringe, recognizing the dark bottomless maw of an unkind world which is, no mistake about it, gunning for their asses. Usually such people don't need lessons in how unpleasant other people's lives are. Such people have already made a conscious decision to be nice or nasty for whatever reason, and an old dead Walmart employee is not going to change their minds about it.
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I have homework! by Rafiki 10/28/2008, 1:19pm PDT 
Who Moved My Cheese? by Fussbett 10/28/2008, 1:54pm PDT 
non sequitur by FABIO 10/28/2008, 2:59pm PDT 
What about snacks??? NT by I need clarification 10/28/2008, 8:08pm PDT 
There was also no scenery NT by FABIO 10/30/2008, 2:08pm PDT 
It's gotta boost employee morale to compare them to lab mice in a maze. NT by Mischief Euthanizer 10/28/2008, 10:16pm PDT 
I never had to read that one, but it has been mentioned in staff meetings before by Rafiki 10/29/2008, 11:46am PDT 
Let me guess where you can buy lots of copies of that book NT by I need clarification 10/29/2008, 12:08pm PDT 
Probably. There was a subtle tugjob given to Wal-Mart here and there by Rafiki 10/29/2008, 12:16pm PDT 
No, you're not too cynical. You just don't play on your zealot enough. by Zsenitan 10/29/2008, 1:49pm PDT 
I'd play my zealot more if I didn't have to read stupid fucking books published by Rafiki 10/29/2008, 2:03pm PDT 
Plus: Even if you're poor, got fucked, don't cause trouble, just be nice to us. NT by Fussbett 10/29/2008, 6:14pm PDT 
Who Moved My Cheese: The Animated Feature by Rafiki 07/09/2014, 9:15pm PDT 
We were given Cheese to read at work. Christ. NT by Yorick 08/09/2020, 12:12pm PDT 
Somebody wrote they were reading this on a dating site too NT by laudablepuss 08/09/2020, 5:47pm PDT 
My company just offered “voluntary separations” by Rafiki 08/09/2020, 6:14pm PDT 
I wish companies would do that. by Yorick 08/09/2020, 6:52pm PDT 
Corporate touchy-feely by Last 10/28/2008, 2:51pm PDT 
You guys are assholes. by Quétinbec 10/30/2008, 6:25am PDT 
I can't imagine why she's now your EX-girlfriend NT by Mischief Euthanizer 10/30/2008, 8:07am PDT 
What's that supposed to mean, MM? Are you making fun of me or her? NT by Quétinbec 10/30/2008, 9:34pm PDT 
Re: You guys are assholes. by motherfuckerfoodeater 10/30/2008, 8:28am PDT 
WRONG. by Zsenitan 10/30/2008, 12:33pm PDT 
Re: You guys are assholes. by Quétinbec 10/30/2008, 9:33pm PDT 
This is all the "Self-Help" you will ever need. by Mischief Maker 10/30/2008, 9:57pm PDT 
Re: You guys are assholes. by Zsenitan 11/01/2008, 10:10am PDT 
Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart by Fussbett 10/30/2008, 11:29am PDT 
I love Earth's self help books. The more of them I digest, the easier it is for by me to hide amongst you! - Exthok 10/30/2008, 11:54am PDT 
I like Exthok, he seems like a regular guy. NT by laudablepuss 10/30/2008, 12:31pm PDT 
I, too, would like to hang out with him. NT by Moog 10/30/2008, 1:27pm PDT 
How can you hang out with people you're not even real you dont have hands NT by The Breadman 03/09/2009, 4:47pm PDT 
Stop, you'll make him cry. :( by laudablepuss 03/09/2009, 4:51pm PDT 
He has very sensitive feelings (because he is such a nice wonderful person/cow). NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 03/09/2009, 5:00pm PDT 
Also because I was not circumcised by Moog 03/09/2009, 6:53pm PDT 
Not circumsized much like myself (mary sue mary sue mary sue mary sue). by Creexuls, a monster >:3 03/09/2009, 7:23pm PDT 
My psychiatrist makes me buy self-help books all the time, with my own money! by Jerry Whorebach 10/30/2008, 9:56pm PDT 
Re: You guys are assholes. by The Breadman 03/09/2009, 4:50pm PDT 
Re: I have homework! by FABIO 10/28/2008, 3:01pm PDT 
You're being glib. Don't be glib, FABIO. NT by Tom Cruise 10/28/2008, 6:26pm PDT 
Is this like dancing at work? :( NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 10/28/2008, 3:50pm PDT 
Re: Is this like dancing at work? :( by Rafiki 10/29/2008, 11:48am PDT 
HORRIBLE :( NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 10/29/2008, 11:57am PDT 
Yes yes y'all, we don't stop, get creative y'all, rock on! by Fussbett 10/29/2008, 1:40pm PDT 
This is a good spot to re-archive infogrames.mp3 by Fussbett 10/29/2008, 1:42pm PDT 
Honourable mention: Police rap by Fussbett 12/14/2008, 2:50pm PST 
The company I work for now is so awesome, our corporate videos are good. by Fullofkittens 12/14/2008, 3:48pm PST 
So your music is actually a job. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 12/14/2008, 4:19pm PST 
No. NT by Fullofkittens 12/19/2008, 1:04pm PST 
Re: Yes yes y'all, we don't stop, get creative y'all, rock on! by E. L. Koba 03/09/2009, 3:59pm PDT 
The Gazprom Song by E. L. Koba 06/19/2009, 3:54pm PDT 
The chorus of the biggest Russian corporation song is all about drinking. Parod NT by Fussbett 06/19/2009, 4:14pm PDT 
I hope they do a new song for the joint venture with Nigeria's NNPC by Fussbett 07/02/2009, 10:25am PDT 
Southern Food Brokerage by "The Superbroker Shuffle" 05/03/2012, 3:53pm PDT 
Microsoft Developer Conference 2012 by E. L. Koba 06/10/2012, 12:15pm PDT 
Re: Yes yes y'all, we don't stop, get creative y'all, rock on! by Last 09/07/2012, 2:33pm PDT 
Oh I meant to add this one, too. by Last 09/07/2012, 2:36pm PDT 
Bain & Company by Fussbett 09/27/2012, 9:30am PDT 
Blackberry (AIM LOG FATE) by Fussbett 09/27/2012, 9:54am PDT 
Guy on AIM mocks RIM by Fussbett Returns 09/28/2012, 1:48pm PDT 
Haha just saw this. by FSBT 01/31/2013, 11:44pm PST 
Microsoft Sweden by E. L. Koba 04/25/2021, 1:31pm PDT 
Oh hey it's the Anti-Life Equation how nice by Entropy Stew 11/01/2008, 1:19pm PDT 
Re: Is this like dancing at work? :( by Last 10/24/2012, 11:10am PDT 
For the second year in a row, I have not filled out my CORPORATE_ACRONYM survey by Entropy Stew 10/28/2008, 11:53pm PDT 
My job wants me to read books about how to do my job better. :( by Fullofkittens 11/01/2008, 10:35am PDT 
OH MAN I READ MY OTHER BOOK A FEW WEEKS BACK by Rafiki 12/19/2008, 12:08pm PST 
Guess who's got two thumbs, a noose, a stool and is running the book club at his by Ice Cream Jonsey 04/28/2015, 3:10pm PDT 
Re: Guess who's got two thumbs, a noose, a stool and is running the book club at by Chillum 04/28/2015, 4:21pm PDT 
This I am going to read for pleasure. NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/09/2015, 10:40pm PDT 
Is this for coders, non-coders, or a mix? by Fullofkittens 04/28/2015, 5:58pm PDT 
The Art of Computer Programming. The 120 Days of Sodom by Rafiki 04/28/2015, 9:15pm PDT 
Managing Humans? by The Happiness Engine 05/03/2015, 5:16pm PDT 
I love rands by HUGALUGHAGLUGH 05/04/2015, 8:22pm PDT 
I'm not ready to believe that's the JerkCity guy yet. That site is incredible. NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/09/2015, 10:39pm PDT 
JERKCITY is a collaborative effort by HANFORD in Stall #3 05/09/2015, 11:40pm PDT 
Re: Guess who's got two thumbs, a noose, a stool and is running the book club at by Mr. Kool 05/04/2015, 8:32pm PDT 
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