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Max Payne, W, Quarantine and Lakeview Terrace. by Creexuls, a monster >:3 10/20/2008, 12:17am PDT
Max Payne pretty much sucked. It uses a bunch of the same names and locations as the game, like there's a scene at the beginning of Roscoe street station, but there's no mob at all, and no narration, and no tongue in cheeck hard boiled cop movie cliches. Jim Bravura is turned into a younger internal affairs black guy (NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). No one says "the flesh of fallen angels," although one junkie says THEY'RE COMING and then there are actual valkyries that show up, and some tattoo guy even explains the concept. So the movie starts showing Max is set off in the cold case department for cases that go unsolved, trying to find any clues to the wife and child killing. After a lot of walking around and Mona's sister is torn to shreds in an alleyway, there's some DETECTING shit about how everyone involved with such and such has these angel wing tattoos on their wrists and it has to do with them all being connected with V, which is a bottle of blue shit that people drink like delicious Kool Aid. B.B. who showed up in the game for like 5 minutes is instead Max's "friend" through the whole movie, but they don't reveal his name until half way through, and he works for Aesir and bloo bloo etc. It boils down to Jack Lupino in the movie is an army seargant who Aesir tested the military drug on and some shit about how it only worked for 1% of people tested and everyone else went crazy and it was too addictive, but it was marketed as helping to win the war on terror, and they establish the shit out of this over and over around the middle of the movie. Then BB is going to throw Max in super cold river and Max runs away but jumps in and so they leave him, and Max gets out and he's freezing to death so he intentionally takes the valkyr that BB planted on him to make his death look like he was a junkie. Then he goes into the building and he's shooting and kills BB and the main boss chick of the company pretty much ignores him, and she's not even dealt with. Also, no Alfred Wooden or THE CIRCLE stuff. Overall the movie feels like it was half finished, and even the beginning parts just jump back and forth around through scenes as if they don't even want to establish the characters or events. Oh yeah and Alex, the guy in Max Payne 1 the game who gets shot in the subway, is played by Donal Logue.

So after that I realized there was a whole hour until W was going to play so I wandered into a few theaters. I caught the last 15 minutes of Quarantine, and here's the whole movie summed up: Dexter's sister hyperventilates, they run around while zombies attack people around the camera guy and they run through doorways. The group of people are picked off one by one in zombie attacks and then at the end Dexter's sister gets dragged off into the darkness by a zombie, cut to credits.

After that I went in and caught the last maybe 30 minutes of Lakeview Terrace, Neil LaBute's next motion picture after The Wicker Man, and I almost feel like I didn't miss anything. Samuel L. Jackson explains that his wife was killed in a car accident with her white boss and it was the 4 year anniversary of his wife's death. White guy says IS THAT ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT TODAY and such and such and then leaves and says "we're not moving." Later, Samuel L. Jackson (the actor, not the character he is playing) sets up interracial couple's house to be trashed by some big fat dude who breaks a bunch of shit and even goes so far as to piss all over their fine washables. The wife comes home early while he's still there and he tries to subdue her and throws her around, Samuel gets there to "save" his neighbors and blows the guy away into their pool, and the interracial couple neighbors are happy and the wife is okay and pregnant (they already knew this, but I didn't of course). The robber's cell phone was dropped at the house, and there's a giant forest fire coming through California near their homes, so the fire department is evacuating their neighborhood and it is all smokey, so while the couple is out Samuel L. Jackson goes into their house looking for the phone, but has to leave when the couple gets there. They start packing up to evacuate, the guy finds the phone and realizes it's the robbers, then calls the most recent number and it's Samuel L. Jackson(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) who he sees through the window on his back porch, and they look at each other, and then SAMUEL L. JACKSON pulls out his gun and goes over, then there's a fight, and Samuel shoots at the wife's car as she starts driving away and she crashes, the cops show up and the white dude refuses to drop his gun, while Samuel L. Jackson star of stage and screen has his backup gun in the back of his pants, and he tries to act all cool like hey my neighbor is just having a bad day put the gun down and honky is like NO HE IS LYING HE HAS A GUN and then starts goading him about his dead wife and Samuel gets pissed and pulls the gun and shoots the guy and the cops blow away Samuel L. Jackson in real life. ;-; I guess it might've been a more sad end if I saw more of the movie. Overall actually it didn't look like all that bad of a movie, and Samuel L. Jackson is still a great actor.

W was basically the buhs version of Nixon by Oliver Stone, where Stone is trying to be like a historian and shows as much as he knows about what he researched about buhs, which is interesting and mostly entertaining. A couple parts had those famous goofy buhs lines said in private scenes, which seem odd because he always said shit like that in public, like he says the "fool me twice won't get fooled again" stuff to his cabinet of creeps. Chainy is nice and evil, most everyone else is played straight, even W(uhhhhhhh?), except Condoleeza Rice who seems to be played dumber than buhs for the most part. My favorite part of the movie was at about the end, where buhs and woyf are in the bedroom and wifey is like HEY YOUR FAVORITE PLAY IS COMING TO DOWN NEXT WEEK....... CATS :3 and buhs is like OH BOY I WOULD STAY UP ALL NIGHT TO SEE CATS. Ha ha Cats.

:3

The downside of the movie is that Stone isn't a historian, even if he wants to be when making these movies. I think it's good that he tries, at least he's trying, and he's giving his best effort, but he's not a real historian. I think he would be good to direct any movie about buhs though no matter how it was written, and it plays pretty well and is entertaining. Although for the most part it doesn't even try to make buhs (the greatest American president of the 21st century) look bad, mostly it just makes him look like a kind of average guy who was born into a rich family and doesn't have many aspirations in life until much later. So, out of all of these movies, I would recommend this one, moderately.
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Max Payne, W, Quarantine and Lakeview Terrace. by Creexuls, a monster >:3 10/20/2008, 12:17am PDT NEW
    How does Oliver Stone end W? With Bush having a mental breakdown in Oct 2003 by Fortinbras 10/20/2008, 12:25am PDT NEW
        It's better than Max Payne. :( by Creexuls, a monster >:3 10/20/2008, 12:28am PDT NEW
            You forgot about the part where he's going O SHIT O SHIT IRAQ you communist NT by Fortinbras 10/20/2008, 2:22pm PDT NEW
    Oh yeah I forgot an important part of seeing W. by Creexuls, a monster >:3 10/20/2008, 12:31am PDT NEW
    I insinuated that these movies were bad to Jhoh... by Fussbett 10/20/2008, 12:32am PDT NEW
    Creexuls, a historian :-| NT by whydirt 10/20/2008, 9:12am PDT NEW
        Yes I watched The History Channel many times. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 10/20/2008, 4:51pm PDT NEW
        PS: I hold history sacred like a farmer looks at the earth and holds it sacred, NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 10/26/2008, 5:02am PDT NEW
    I hope this movie didn't delay the creation of Max Payne 3 NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 10/20/2008, 11:42am PDT NEW
        Yeah, Mark Wahlberg, get back to work on Max Payne 3! (He tightens the graphics) NT by Fussbett 10/20/2008, 1:14pm PDT NEW
 
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