 |
||
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
| President Lyndon Johnson and Nikita Kruschehvsfd as themselves. by Creexul :( 11/28/2004, 3:40pm PST | ||||
 |
 |
|||
| There's an extremely extended telephone cutscene between them talking about THE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS NUCLEAR EXPLOSION AT A SECRET RUSSIAN FACILITY when it's nuked in the first part of the game by a guy with electricity powers. It starts with actual audio of LBJ, who is actually LBJ and not "President Ross" or some shit like that. There are portentious scenes with dramatic music behind this boring scene, as live action video of American flags flutter dramatically.
At the very beginning, Snake is named "Jack" like Raiden from MGS2, and has a mask and wig to look like him. For no reason, in case you were wondering. He jumps from an aircraft at high altitude and parachutes into the jungle, then removes the mask to some dramatic music. After The Boss defects (why did she defect? she didn't) and joins Team Evil Deformed Obvious Bad Guys, there's an INCREDIBLY GAY intro sequence straight out of James Bond except with incredibly godawful gay Japanese elevator lounge music filling in for actual music, where Hideo Kojima's name scrolls across the screen as many times as humanly possible. Then after that, you get briefed for the recovery mission where you're supposed to clear America from wrongdoing in this nuking. Then you are fired from a Blackbird straight from the upper atmosphere of the planet, as if jumping off a plane was just a warm up, and the game is like, "wait, let's try this again but try to make it MORE XTREEM." You even land from the parachute in the exact same way. The commander code names himself Major Tom at the beginning, but then when you start the REAL MISSION FOR REAL THIS TIME REALLY, he says, "well I named myself Tom because it was the tunnel they escaped from in The Great Escape and the tunnel names were Dick, Harry, and Tom, but it turned out that the tunnel they escaped from was Harry, I even ordered a print of the movie from the film company so just call me Major Zero." Yes, he really says all of these things. And yes, he named himself Major Tom BECAUSE OF THE MOVIE THE GREAT ESCAPE. He might as well say "I also named myself after a David Bowie song that doesn't exist yet," and then Snake will say "David Bowie, I've never heard of him." Then a long discussion about pop music, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, an interesting up and coming band called The Doors, then Elvis, then jazz music, and then Snake will say "I wonder if David Bowie will write a song about someone named Major Tom." Instead of changing your camoflagesfd for you, it makes you do it manually. The purpose of this is to draw the game out by going into pause menus. Switching to a nice camo for some area and then having to change to another one because you left the grass makes you want to give up hope on the whole camoflage concept and just go in cutting necks. Which is at the very least satisfying, but apparently not stealthy so they try to punish you as much as they can for it. The save chick in this game is more annoying than ever, some preachy medic girl who talks about movies, including Godzilla which "is mostly fantasy but has a strong anti-nuke message!" Apparently she makes some reference to a movie about cloning, and Snake says "I wonder if that will happen to me." Wow how subtlely they edge these anachronistic references in there. Because Solid Snake is a clone of Big Boss/Snake, get it! Every single character from MGS1 and 2 have grandparents or other relatives in MGS3. You also get a sassy black dude as your equipment expert. Since Snake smokes cigars in the game, there is a trick cigar that fires knock out gas. Its range is absolute 0 and you have to be practically kissing the guy you want to use it on for it to work. Other useless items: a "fake death" pill with companion "revival from fake death pill" which are used to fake your death and revive yourself. There are many scenes where characters talk to themselves or talk to characters who have left the scene entirely. The Boss says "DRIFT AWAY, YOU WERE NOT READY YOU DID NOT FIND YOUR EMOTION FOR BEING A SOLDIER" to Snake after he's a mile down stream. After Boss kicks your ass, throws you off a bridge into a river, and then says this shit, you get a huge CODEC call with the medic showing you how to use the CURE MENU. For lacerations first you must select the laceration in your body system menu, use antiseptic, then styptic to stop bleeding, suture to close the wound, then bandage it (then close the menu of course). You have to do all these things in the menu by selecting the area you want to "cure" (and by cure they probably mean heal?) and select each of these items and use them then move to the next item, apparently in a specific order. Why the game doesn't just say "you wanna heal this?" and then uses all these things itself is unknown, much like how it doesn't just change to the optimal camo by itself is unknown. Or hey here's a novel idea, just make a health bar that goes up and down when you use curative items. Snake is actually Big Boss, as in the guy who you kill in Metal Gear 1. At the end of the game, Snake is getting the Medal of Honor and President Johnson goes to shake his hand, but Snake refuses. So far, the ONLY ONE thing carrying the game is the CQC system, which was bullshit for the first minute until I figured out that, as previously documented nowhere on the planet, you hold the circle button at your enemy until you're grabbing him. Then you can do many fun things, use him as a shield for your gun, put a gun or knife to him for info, slam him face first into the ground, cut his throat (my personal favorite) or some other shit I don't know. You can't edge against a wall while crouched. You also can't walk while crouched, it instantly puts you in prone. I forgot this was true in MGS2. If you want to move from prone, you have to push X to go to crouch, and then X again to stand up. If you try to move while crouched it puts you back in prone. Sounds fun huh. |
||||
 |
 |
|||
|
This is a "SNEAKING MISSION" by 11/28/2004, 1:19pm PST  President Lyndon Johnson and Nikita Kruschehvsfd as themselves. by 11/28/2004, 3:40pm PST |
