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| So was Kameo any good? Screenshots look gay as hell and that appeals to me. by Jerry Whorebach 01/25/2008, 3:58am PST | ||||
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| But I'm wary, because I got burned - bad - by Viva Pinata. I can see where they were going with it, giving you a plot of vacant land and just letting you go wild on spring break, but it didn't work for me. Not because going wild was limited to gardening and animal husbandry and shoveling, this motherfucker is down with all that shit, but because none of it was very speedy or intuitive.
I appreciate how it must have been difficult to shoehorn the controls from a high-end PC garden simulator onto a gamepad with only about a million buttons that was built specifically for doing things that aren't boring. That still doesn't explain why, instead of simply placing buildings on the map from an on-screen menu and waiting for their construction to sort itself out (like every RTS since Dune 2), I have to go to town, visit the handyman, listen to his awful jokes, pick a structure out of a giant slot machine(?), place it, confirm that I want to pay for it, wait for the handyman to waddle over to my garden and actually build the thing, tap the giant wooden crate shielding my new structure from harmful UV rays with my shovel to break it open, and then wait for the handyman to waddle back to his shop before I can visit him again and start the whole process over again for that other building I still need. Even the obvious high point of the game, making Pinatas fuck their own young, loses some of its appeal when I have to jump through twice as many hoops as described above to get the candy roofies and fermented applejuice necessary to get haughty Mr. Horstachio out of his prepuce and into his adult son's bizarrely fully-functional insemination-hole. Hmm, reading that last sentence out loud just now makes me feel like a hotshot detective on Bizarro World's NYPD special victims unit (what with orchestrating sex crimes with pinatas outside of NYC instead of the opposite of that), so Bizarro cheers (jeers) to developer Rare for making me get under my skin and inside my head with my own sick games. Bottom Lion: The twenty-odd hours I spent with Viva Pinata were some of the darkest of my life, but at least everyone on Pinata Island spoke English. One "paw" out of "roar." |
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XBox 360 launch list by 11/14/2005, 10:05pm PST  Sports suck NT by 11/14/2005, 10:07pm PST HEY... WASTELAND, FUCKING A by 11/15/2005, 12:14am PST What is this "day of rest" shit? by 11/15/2005, 9:21am PST Xbox360 will be the second system I don't buy at launch since 1995. by 11/15/2005, 9:03am PST haha someone has no friends NT by 11/15/2005, 2:29pm PST I bought it when Beach Spikers was released. by 11/15/2005, 2:46pm PST That was pretty much my exact thought by 11/15/2005, 10:11am PST So was Kameo any good? Screenshots look gay as hell and that appeals to me. by 01/25/2008, 3:58am PST The demo was pretty terrible. NT by 01/25/2008, 8:15pm PST Psh, I could have told me that. NT by 01/28/2008, 8:40pm PST No. by 01/28/2008, 10:36pm PST |
